The Joys and Sorrows of Young Charles Finster
by Operas'n'Cartoons1883
Summary: The life story of Charles Finster, father of Chuckie Finster, before the setting of Rugrats. You'll get to see his childhood, his high school years, and his young adult years, culminating in his short-lived marriage to the ill-fated Melinda Cavanaugh. NOTE: This is a sloppy mess. I may have to revise and expand it later on.
1. Charles vs the Potty

_When Charles and his parents, Marvin and Shirley Finster, spend a weekend over at Lou Pickles' house, he tells Stu that his mom and dad are trying to potty-train him. Overhearing this, Drew begins to pick on Charles and tries to get him to wet himself by turning the water on and off. Will Charles have the last laugh and conquer his fear of the potty?_

Charles Finster's first memory dates back to when he was two years old, about Chuckie's age as of 1991. Of course, this was in 1959, when Charles' parents, Marvin and Shirley Finster, were trying to potty-train him. But in time, Marvin was so frustrated over Charles resisting potty-training that he feared it might never happen.

"It can't be done, Shirley! It just can't be done!" Marvin cried out.

"Oh, now, Marvin, you always say that," said Shirley as she placed a reassuring hand on her husband's shoulder. "Don't get discouraged. Every kid gets potty-trained sooner or later."

"Not Charles! Not our son! At this rate, he's gonna be takin' diapers to high school with him in his backpack!"

"Now listen, Marvin. There's this repairman in town who's potty-training his own son, and he tells us it's really quite simple. His name is Louis Pickles. Maybe we'll spend the weekend with him, so he'll help us teach Charles to use his… P-O-T-T-Y."

"I can spell, Shirley."

And so, it wasn't long before Marvin and Shirley strapped Charles to his car seat and drove him to Lou Pickles' repair shop. Once they were there, as Marvin and Shirley discussed their dilemma with Lou, Charles sat in the playpen by Lou's two sons, Andrew and Stuart. At two years old, Drew was the toddler with light brown hair, buckteeth, a tan shirt, a black vest, brown pants, brown shoes, and green glasses with black rims.

Drew's younger brother Stu had just turned one year old. He wore nothing but a red shirt and a diaper, but this otherwise unremarkable-looking baby had purple hair—a very unusual hair color indeed!

Drew and Stu stared at Charles for a long time until finally Stu said to the red-haired toddler, "Hi, I'm Stuie. What's your name?"

Charles shyly replied, "My name is Charles Finster. And who's that boy playing with the toy cash register?"

"That's Drew," Stu replied. "He's my older brother, always pokin' at me when I least expect it."

"I am not, Stuie!" cried Drew.

"Are too!" cried Stu in turn.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are…"

Suddenly, Stu and Drew stopped the argument when they noticed the potty next to Charles. Of course, Stu, being a baby, didn't know what this was, so he crept towards it and said to himself, "What is this thing?"

Stu then placed the lid of the potty and said, "Maybe it's a hat."

"Then what's the rest for, Stuie?" asked Drew snootily.

"It's a potty!" cried Charles. "Stu, you won't believe what my mommy and daddy are trying to make me do!"

"What, Charles?" asked Stu.

"They're tryin' to make me… They're tryin' to make me…" Charles stuttered. "Oh, I can't say it!"

And so, Drew rudely shouted, "Lemme guess, they're tryin' to make you use the potty instead of your diaper!"

Charles nodded ruefully.

"Big deal," said Drew. "My pop's trainin' me to do the same thing."

But Stu approached Charles and said, "But, Charles, they can't do that to you."

To which Charles replied, "Well, they're doin' it! They call it 'getting potty-trained.'"

"What are you gonna do?"

"I dunno. I've tried everything!"

"Maybe you could put a lot of napkins in your pants and use them like a diaper."

"Tried it. My dad noticed that we were too short on napkins so he made me stop."

"Maybe you could poop in your room and hide it in your toybox."

"Tried it. My mom was disappointed in me when she noticed that my toybox stank of poop."

"Maybe you could just stop pooping altogether."

"Tried it. It was no use! No matter what I do it looks like I'm gonna have to be… potty-trained."

At Charles' use of the word "potty-trained," Drew said, "Ha! Don't make me laugh, Charles! It's bad enough Stuie cries for mommy every time he gets a little wet! Now, you get to go without 'em forever, and what do ya do? Chicken out! What's the matter? Scared to be without your diaper?"

Charles was sick of Drew's taunting and he shouted, "No! That's not it! I'm not scared! I-I just don't wanna be potty-trained! That's all! It's just not right!"

"Not right, huh?" Drew replied. "Don't ya know anything, Charles? Everybody who's anybody is potty-trained!"

"Well, not me! I'm never gonna do it! They can't make me! I'm gonna wear my diapers forever, and nobody is gonna stop me—not my mom, not my dad, not even President Wisenheimer—because I…"

"Charles?" asked Stu, concerned.

"I…" said Charles.

"What's the matter, Charles? What's wrong?"

"I… I… I gotta go!" groaned Charles, and he let out an anguished cry that could be heard by Marvin, Shirley, and Lou.

"Oh, dear! This is it!" cried Shirley. "Marvin, hurry!"

And so, Marvin and Shirley all rushed for the crying toddler. As Shirley grabbed Charles, Marvin cried out, "Now, Lou! Get the potty! Get the potty!"

"Where?" asked Lou.

"There!" shouted Marvin and Shirley together, gesturing to the playpen.

And so, Lou grabbed the potty as Marvin and Shirley rushed their son to the bathroom. "Now what?" asked Lou.

"Put it down gently," Shirley replied.

And so, Lou went into the bathroom and placed the potty next to Charles. Then, Marvin pulled down Charles' pants before Shirley placed the little boy on the potty.

"Now what, Marv?" asked Lou.

"I reckon we'll sit here and wait until he does his business," Marvin replied.

"We'll also give him plenty of praise so that he gets the right idea," said Shirley.

And so, Charles sat on his potty and sat and sat and sat and sat for at least two hours. Lou took a nap, while Marvin and Shirley played cards. But to Charles' disappointment, nothing came out.

Soon, Stu and Drew came to visit. "Hey, Charles, are you okay?" asked Stu.

"Is it so much to ask, Stuie?" groaned Charles. "Is it so much to ask? I just want things to stay the way they've always been!"

"Ah, come on!" said Drew. "Why are you acting like such a baby? They're gonna make ya do it anyway, just as my pop is makin' me do it. So, go along with it."

But Charles sighed, "Yeah, when it happens to you, Stu, maybe that's what you should do."

"Happens to me?!" cried Stu. Then, he shrugged it off and said, "Nah."

"Well," said Charles. "I guess I don't have to go after all." And so, he got up. Then, he promptly started peeing, but not exactly into the potty. "Uh-oh," said Charles.

Afterwards, Marvin and Shirley sent Charles out so Lou would clean up the mess. As Lou scrubbed the floor with a sponge, Marvin and Shirley brought in a bucket full of clean water.

"Thanks, guys," said Lou.

"Any time, Lou," Marvin replied. He then turned to Shirley and said, "You know, Shirley, I just can't believe it. I mean, our Charles was standing right next to the potty."

"Oh, Marv, it was just an accident," Shirley replied.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. And besides, lots of older kids are known to wet the bed."

"Really, like who?"

"Well, like me, for instance," Marvin replied begrudgingly.

"You?!" gasped Shirley in shock. "You mean you were a bedwetter?"

"Yeah," sighed Marvin. "At least it only lasted until I was in the Boy Scouts."

Meanwhile, in the playpen, Stu and Charles were sitting around thinking.

"Gee, Charles," said Stu. "This potty-training stuff must be tough."

"I know, I know," Charles replied.

"How do you even know when you have to go?"

"I dunno. That's really the hard part. I mean, sometimes I think I have to go, but I don't. At other times, I don't think I have to go, but I do. I really, really do!" And Charles sighed, "Now, I'm so confused!"

But Drew overheard and said to himself, "Perhaps we should do for Charles what my pop is doing for me!"

And so, Drew turned on the faucet of the kitchen sink, prompting Charles to get up with a start. "Oh, no!" cried Charles as he rushed from the playpen towards the bathroom, whereupon Drew turned off the faucet. Charles stopped feeling like he needed to go.

Then Drew turned the faucet on again, and off again. Charles had the same reactions.

"What's wrong, Charles?" cried Stu.

Charles replied, "I dunno! I thought I had to go, and then I didn't!" Again, Drew turned the faucet on and off as Charles cried, "Now I do! Now I don't! Do! Don't! Do! Don't!"

Finally, when Drew turned on the faucet one more time, Charles screamed and made a run for it to the bathroom where the potty was, whereupon Drew laughed and said, "Oh, Charles, you're funny! Don't ya know that going to the potty is what ya have to do when you get old! If ya don't know how to do it, ya can't go to school, or drive a car, or join the army, or anything!"

But suddenly, Drew felt something too. "Oh, no!" he cried. "Now, I gotta go!" And he ran for the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Charles ran to his potty and sat down on it. And all of his wee-wee went right inside it!

And once Lou, Marvin, and Shirley heard the sound and got to the bathroom, they all saw that Charles was very happy and proud. In fact, they heard Charles' first word as he got up from his potty: "YES!"

Marvin and Shirley were also very happy and proud of their little son. "Shirley, he did it! He did it!" cried Marvin.

"Yes!" said Shirley. "He got to the bathroom all on his own, sat on the potty, and he did it." She then turned to Charles and said, "Bravo, Charles!"

And Marvin said to his son, "Way to go, Charles, ya little potty animal!"

However, Drew wasn't able to reach the potty in time, so he wet himself, and he cried out his own first word: "POP!"

This prompted Lou to find Drew bawling by the bathroom door. Lou cried out, "Oh, no! Drew, did you wet your pants again?"

"Pop!" cried Drew.

And Lou replied, "You're gonna need a little extra potty-training, sprout."

And Lou carried Drew to his room while the little boy was bawling some more.

As for Stu, he approached young Charles and said to him, "Well, like they say, 'Everybody who's anybody is potty-trained.'"

"Yep," said Charles with pride. "And I'm a anybody now!"

"You sure are!"

This was the beginning of Stu and Charles' beautiful friendship. From then on, Charles would know both Pickles boys.

What a joy for young Charles Finster!


	2. The Tooth Hurts

_Let's skip a few years to see Charles in kindergarten. Charles, Drew, and Stu have all had their baby teeth grown in. Just as Charles and Drew are starting kindergarten, they learn about the tooth fairy. Looking to earn a little extra money, Drew goes after one of Charles' teeth for the tooth fairy._

_By the way, I like to imagine that Kid!Charles sounds like Gus from "Recess," since Kid!Drew has the same voice actress as Spinelli from "Recess."_

A few years later, in September of 1962, Charles and Drew had just started kindergarten. Now fully potty-trained, these two five-year-olds had had all their baby teeth grow in. So had Drew's little brother Stu, who by this point was almost four years old and in preschool. But Lou was having a bit of a struggle getting Stu properly potty-trained.

One day, Charles and Drew's kindergarten teacher were reading a story to her students: "Not so long ago, there lived a little boy named Edwin. All his life, he would brush his teeth right after breakfast and right before bedtime, ever since he had been taught to do so. Like most kids, Edwin enjoyed sweets, but he would only eat them in moderation, as most kids should, for too much candy causes cavities."

And the kindergartners gasped with horror as their teacher showed them a picture of an evil-looking candy bar attacking an unsuspecting tooth.

Then, she continued: "Edwin's father and mother were also keen on having his dentist give him a check-up every six months. But one day, the dentist discovered that one of Edwin's teeth would wiggle as he gently pressed his finger upon it.

"'Don't be alarmed,' the dentist said to Edwin and his parents. 'Edwin's just got a loose tooth. This is normal for kids his age. Just give him some time, and his tooth will fall out. Within a few months, it will be replaced by a shining new tooth which will be bigger and even stronger.'

"And so, for the next two days, Edwin would wiggle his own tooth to try to remove it. But his mother would tell him, 'Have patience, my son. Just wait a while, and your tooth will finally fall out.'

"By and by, Edwin wiggled his tooth some more until finally… his loose tooth came out! His mother and father were very proud, and his father said to him, 'Place the tooth under your pillow for the tooth fairy to collect.'"

At this point, Drew raised his eyebrows in amazement at the mention of "tooth fairy."

The teacher concluded her tale: "And so Edwin placed the tooth under his pillow. He arose the next morning to find some money where the tooth had been. The tooth fairy had come and given him money for his tooth. And from then on, Edwin would feel like a big kid. Edwin was growing up."

As soon as the teacher had finished her story, Drew raised his hand. "Yes, Drew?" the teacher asked.

Drew then asked his own question: "So you're sayin' there's this tiny little lady who goes around tradin' money for old teeth?"

The teacher replied, "Yes, Drew."

And then, Drew got an idea.

After school, Drew spoke with Stu and Charles at the Pickles' residence. "I'm tellin' ya, this tooth business is gonna make us all rich!"

"Rich? What's rich?" asked Stu.

Drew replied, "Rich! That means we can buy all the toys we ever wanted! A horse! A rocket ship!"

"Or how about a sandbox in Florida!" Stu chimed in.

"Sure, Stuie, right," said Drew.

"Oh, boy!"

"And we'll split everything 50-50. All ya gotta do is help me get a tooth!"

"Um, sure, Drew. Pop tells me that one of your own teeth is starting to get loose."

"_My_ tooth?" gasped Drew. "No, no, no. You don't understand. We're not getting even one tooth from _my_ mouth. I'm gonna get a tooth out of _your_ mouth."

"Hey!" cried Stu. "That's my mouth!" Then he cried, "Pop! Pop!"

Whereupon, Lou rushed in and asked, "What's the big idea?"

Stu replied, "Drew is tryin' to knock my teeth out!"

Drew argued, "Am not!"

Stu answered, "Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Boys!" cried Lou. "Stu, stop arguing with Drew! Drew, stop trying to pull Stu's teeth, or you both can forget about watching _Blocky and Oxwinkle_ for the rest of your lives!"

Stu and Drew stopped arguing with each other at that point, and Lou went back to his work.

Stu then said to Drew, "Ya hear that, Drew? If you try pulling my teeth again, we're _both_ gonna get in trouble."

Drew sighed, "So where are we gonna get a tooth without gettin' into trouble?"

"Hey, guys," said Charles.

Stu and Drew stared at Charles and grinned. Charles gulped, "Why are you guys looking at me like that?"

Drew then smirked, "Finster, what big teeth you have!"

And so, Stu and Drew grabbed Charles by the arms as Charles cried, "But I don't wanna do it, you guys!"

"Come on," Drew said. "What's a baby tooth between friends?"

"But I can't just give you any of my teeth! I'm gonna talk funny!"

"So you're gonna speak with a lisp for a few months."

"We'll split the money with ya," Stu whispered to Charles.

"Just think, Charles," said Drew. "A nice security blanket."

"A blanket, huh?" asked Charles.

"Yeah, with lots of colors and pretty pictures sewn in."

"Well… are you sure this won't hurt?"

"You'll hardly even feel it."

"Well, okay. I mean, I'm gonna lose these teeth eventually."

And so Charles grabbed one of his own buckteeth, only to find that these teeth weren't even loose.

"They're stuck," Charles said.

"Come on, Charles!" cried Drew. "Put some muscle into it!"

And Drew grabbed Charles' buckteeth and pulled as hard as he could, while Charles protested, "Let go of my face!"

But try as he might, Drew was unable to extract Charles' buckteeth.

"Drat! It's no use!" shouted Drew. But then, I got another idea: "Hey! I got an idea! Don't go away!"

And off Drew ran into his room, to the confusion of Stu and Charles.

A few seconds later, Drew returned with a toy screwdriver. "This should do the trick," he said.

"What are you gonna do with that?" asked Stu.

Drew replied, "I'm gonna pry one of Charles' teeth out."

"You're not putting that in my mouth, Drew!" screamed Charles.

"Look, Charles, it's not gonna hurt at all. Here, I'll show ya how it works."

And with that, Drew placed a ball into his toy chest, between the chest itself and its lid. "Now, look," he said to Stu and Charles. "The ball's stuck, just like your tooth, right?"

"Right," said Charles.

"We can't pull it out, right?"

"Right."

"But we got a tool to help us, see?" And with that, Drew tried to use the screwdriver to remove the ball, but in the process, he popped the ball instead.

Stu and Charles were horrified! Charles even covered his mouth.

Seeing this, Drew threw the remains of the ball to the ground and said, "Okay, okay, so maybe it wasn't the best plan. But I got a much better idea!"

Later, Drew had created a stack of toys, which he climbed up with a bucktoothed teddy bear in one hand and a spool of string in the other. "Charles, this bear is you," he said as he tied the string to one of the bear's teeth.

"You're not gonna tie that to my tooth, are you?" asked Charles.

"Oh, Charles," said Drew reassuringly. "I'll show ya how easy it is. See, I've tied it to this bear. Now, ya ready?"

"Ready," said Stu and Charles, neither of whom was sure what was going to happen.

"May I have a drumroll please?"

And so, Drew dropped the bear and as it fell, it crashed to the floor, falling apart in the process. Again, Stu and Charles were horrified.

Ironically, it was Drew who made a pratfall to the floor as soon as the toy tower gave way.

Not long thereafter, Lou took Stu, Drew, and Charles to a cattle ranch, telling the children, "Now, be on your best behavior. OK, kids?"

"Yes, Pop!" said Stu and Drew together.

"Yes, Mr. Pickles," said Charles.

But Drew had come to the cattle ranch with mischievous intent. He tied a string to the tail of a bull, who was grazing some grass and didn't even notice that a five-year-old human child was right behind him.

Drew then turned to Stu and Charles and said, "Now this one's definitely gonna work, guys."

"I still don't get it," said Stu.

"It's easy. I tie one end of the string to this bull's tail and the other end to Charles' tooth. Stu waves a red cape at the bull, causing the bull to start running towards him. The bull's tail pulls the string, the string pulls Charles' tooth, and the tooth comes flyin' out of his mouth!"

Charles was terrified. "Forget it, Drew! My teeth aren't even loose yet!"

"So what?" asked Drew. "Stand still."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

Meanwhile, Stu, dressed as a Spanish bullfighter, waved a red cape, really his red blanket, before the bull, infuriating him into charging towards him. Stu was so terrified he ran as fast as he could, while Drew, still holding the string attached to the bull's tail, was sent flying in the direction of the bull. Drew was screaming all the way as the bull dashed all over the ranch, wrecking flowerpots, hay bales, and lamps in the process. Finally, Drew let go of the string and smashed into… his father!

Lou was furious! "Dagnabbit, Drew!" he cried out. "I thought I told you to behave yourself! You're gonna get a good spanking when we get home!"

"No! No! No!" screamed Drew, for nothing terrified him more than a spanking from his own father.

Back at home, a few hours later, Stu and Charles approached Drew, who was still sore from the spanking.

"Are you okay, Drew?" asked Stu.

Charles then said to Drew, "Maybe we should just forget about my teeth. After all, your dad did say that one of your own teeth is about to come out."

"That doesn't matter!" cried Drew. "We've done too much hard work to give up now!"

"But what are we gonna do?" asked Stu.

"You guys stay here. I got one more idea." And Drew went to his toy chest.

As he watched this, Charles said, "Stu."

"Yeah, Charles?" asked Stu.

"I don't know if I really want to lose my teeth now. I like them just the way they are."

"Really?"

"Yeah, Stu. I'm scared. I mean, what if Drew's plan back at the cattle ranch worked? Instead of him bein' at the end of that string, it could have been me and my tooth!"

"Gee, Charles. I never thought of that! If you're scared, we don't have to do it."

"We don't?"

"Of course not. When Drew comes back, we'll just tell him you've changed your mind."

Meanwhile, Drew, holding some toy pliers in his hand, overheard what Stu and Charles were saying. This made him feel ashamed of himself, and, finally feeling that one of his buckteeth was loose and ready to come out, he approached Charles and said to him, "Hey, Charles. I would like to apologize to you for buggin' ya for such a long time, but hey, my own tooth is loose."

Charles' face beamed with a smile and he asked Drew, "Then, you mean…?"

"Yes, Drew. I tried to yank your tooth out with the string. Now, you yank mine." And Drew handed Charles the string.

Charles then eagerly tied the string to Drew's loose tooth. With one swift tug, the tooth flew out of Drew's mouth. And Drew grabbed the tooth in mid-air.

"A tooth! A tooth!" cried Drew, speaking in a newly-acquired lisp. "I lotht a tooth! YETH!"

"That got him!" said Charles.

And Drew said to Charles, "Nectht time ya thee me I'm gonna be rich! It'th mine! All mine!"

The next day, Marvin and Shirley were driving Charles to school, when Charles was thinking, "I wonder what Drew is gonna do with his money? I hope he doesn't spend it all in one place."

But once Charles entered the kindergarten classroom, who should he see but Drew, who had a sour look on his face.

"Well, Drew," said Charles. "Did you get a visit from the tooth fairy?"

Nothing from Drew.

"Are you rich?"

Nothing from Drew.

"Did you buy yourself a horse or anything?"

Nothing from Drew… until he showed Charles a dime in his hand.

"Yeah, the tooth fairy gave me thome money," said Drew. "A dime! A dime! All that work for one louthy dime! Go buy yourthelf thome candy, Finthter!"

And Drew placed the dime in Charles' hand as he grumbled, "The tooth fairy! Ha! What a joke!"

But Charles gazed at the dime as though it were the Holy Grail, and he said to himself, "I guess there's just no pleasing some people."

And that first dime, already earned at the tender age of five, was a joy for young Charles Finster.


	3. Chicken Pox

_Now we see Charles in his elementary-school years, starting with first grade. Plans for a playdate with the Pickles brothers are ruined when Charles contracts chicken pox. This gives Drew the opportunity to convince Stu that he's turning into a chicken._

In the 1963-64 academic year, young Charles Finster was six years old and in first grade. Needless to say, he didn't need Drew to start losing his baby teeth. He lost his first tooth all on his own on the very first day of first grade, when he bumped into a bigger kid during recess, causing him to spit out his loose tooth.

By New Years' Day of 1964, he had lost both of his front teeth, causing him to speak with a lisp: "Thufferin' thuccotash!"

It is shortly thereafter where our story begins.

It was Saturday. While Lou Pickles was driving Stu and Drew to the Finster residence, the two boys were fighting over a pillow that Stu had brought along with him for his naptime. Drew was also six years old and in first grade, but his new permanent teeth had just started growing in to replace the baby teeth he had lost. As for Stu, he was five years old and still in preschool.

Lou had arranged for his boys to have a playdate with Charles. As soon as they got to the Finsters' house, Lou rang the doorbell.

Marvin opened the door and said, "Ah, these must be the Pickles boys."

Lou then said to Stu and Drew, "Now, sprouts, be good boys for the Finsters."

"Yes, Pop," said Stu and Drew together.

And so, Lou got back to his car to return to his repair shop.

As soon as Lou was out of sight, and Marvin and Shirley had gone into the kitchen, Stu and Drew continued to fight over the pillow until it tore apart, and all the feathers within it fell out.

"Thanks a lot, Drew!" cried Stu. "You tore up my pillow!"

"I tore it?" asked Drew. "You tore up your own pillow!"

"I did not! You did!"

"No, you!"

"No, you!"

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

Just then, Shirley came in and said, "Now, now, you two. Stop arguing. We've got some eggs Benedict to make for Charles, who would really like it if you kept quiet."

After a brief silence, Stu asked, "Where is Charles anyway?"

"He's in bed," Shirley replied with a sad look on her face. "He's got some kind of rash. The poor little guy's exhausted. He was up half the night, scratching."

Curious, Stu went up to Charles' room and saw that Charles was indeed scratching. "Wow!" he said. "Charles sure is itching a lot. I wanna go see him." And so, he entered Charles' room.

Meanwhile, Marvin saw that Shirley was worried about Charles. Yet she was saying to herself, "Now, now, I mustn't panic. Now what's causing our little boy's rash?"

Back in Charles' room, Stu approached Charles in his sick bed. He had red spots all over his body. "Hey, Charles," said Stu. "I like your spots."

"Well, I don't," groaned Charles. "They're really itchy!"

"You've got 'em on your hands, and on your arms, and on your neck, and on your face!"

"That'th not the only plathe I've got 'em."

"Where else are they, Charles?"

"They're everywhere!"

"Wow! Can I see?"

"No! But you can thcratch my back."

And so, as Charles flipped himself onto his belly, Stu scratched his back, to Charles' undying relief.

Presently, Marvin and Shirley entered Charles' room, whereupon Marvin said to Shirley, "A-ha! There's his problem! Charles' got himself a case of the chicken pox!"

"Chicken pox!" cried Shirley. Then she saw Stu and said to him, "What on earth are you doing here!?"

"Scratchin' Charles' back," Stu replied.

Horrified, Shirley grabbed Stu by the hand and said, "Get out of here!"

But Marvin said to Shirley, "Probably just as well, Shirley. Now, Stu can get it too and be done with it."

"Oh, I don't know, Marvin," Shirley replied. "Exposing another child to chicken pox? I'm going to call the doctor first."

"Okay, Shirley, but when I was Charles' age, my ma exposed us to everything."

And as Charles saw his parents leave the room with Stu, the poor red-headed boy heaved a sad sigh and said to himself, "Gueth that meanth no playdate…"

Presently, Shirley entered the room to rub some sticky calamine lotion into Charles' skin. "Hold still, Charles," she said.

"Chicken pockth ithn't any fun…" moaned Charles.

"I know, but this'll make it better. Now try to sleep." And with that Shirley, placed some oven mitts on Charles' hands and said quietly, "I'm sorry, Charles. I hate to do this, but I gotta keep you from scratching."

And so, as Shirley left the room, Charles closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Once Shirley had gone into the kitchen, Drew was placing the feathers into the broken pillow when Stu approached him. "What are you doing here?" asked Drew.

Stu said, "Charles must stay in his room because he has the chicken pox."

"Chicken pox, you say?"

And as Drew took the pillow full of feathers upstairs, he overheard Marvin say to Shirley, "I'm telling ya, Shirley. We had a regular disease of the week. One week it was the mumps, the next it was the flu. Scarlet fever, diphtheria, measles, I got 'em all."

Once Drew went back downstairs, Stu approached him and asked, "Hey, Drew. What's chicken pox?"

Drew replied, "Stu, it's time you knew. Chicken pox is what turns kids like us into chickens! That's why Charles has to stay in his room. His mommy and daddy are afraid that when Charles turns into a chicken, he'll get eaten by a cat!"

But Stu knew better than to believe Drew. "You're makin' that up, Drew!" he cried.

"Fine. Don't believe me, but don't come cryin' to me when Charles is a little Gallic rooster."

"I'll go see for myself."

And while Stu marched upstairs, Charles suddenly woke up to try to scratch himself, but instead, he rolled over onto the pile of feathers Drew had left. As a result, he was covered in feathers from head to toe.

As soon as Stu entered the room, he couldn't believe his eyes.

For that matter, neither could Drew, who said to himself, "This is too good to be true."

Then Drew turned to Stu and said, "It doesn't happen to many kids, but when it does, it's so sad."

"No way," said Stu. "Just because Charles grew wings and is flappin' around doesn't mean he's turning into a chicken."

"Maybe next time I tell ya someone's turning into a chicken, you'll believe me!"

As Drew left, Stu watched. Charles made those jerky movements resembling a chicken feeding off the ground, which convinced Stu that Charles was indeed turning into a chicken.

"Then I gotta help Charles," said Stu.

And so, Stu went down to the kitchen, fetched some corn kernels, and went back up to Charles' room, where he saw the red-haired boy flapping about.

"It's worse than I thought," he said to himself. "I've known Charles. I've played with him for longer than I can remember. And if Charles is turning into a chicken, he's gonna be really scared. So, I'd better not say anything to upset him."

Then, Stu approached Charles, who said, "Hey, Thtu."

"Hi, Chick… I mean, Charles," said Stu. "What's new?"

"Well, I'm all itchy, and I've got thethe thingth on my armth."

"You mean, wings?"

"What?"

"I brought you a snack," said Stu as he showed Charles the corn kernels he had taken earlier.

Unable to grab the kernels with his hands, Charles bent down and ate them from Stu's hand, and he said, "Mm, that'th crunchy! What ith that?"

"Dry corn kernels," said Stu. "Do you like it?"

"_Dry_ corn?!" cried Charles, and he spat out the corn. "Hey! What'th going on, Thtu?! Firtht, you call me 'Chick,' then you thay I've got wingth, and then you make me eat dry corn like a bird!"

"Then he doesn't know," Stu said to himself.

Overhearing this, Charles became angry and said, "Maybe I don't wanna know!"

But Stu said it anyway, "Charles, I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I'll always play with you and even share my toys."

"Now I know I don't wanna know!"

"Try to be brave, Charles. Maybe you didn't notice, but you're covered in feathers, and you've got wings. You just ate corn out of my hand, so you're turning into a chicken."

Charles was shocked. "A chicken! Oh, great! That'th jutht great! It all maketh thenthe now! After a lifetime of acting like a chicken, I'm finally turning into one! That'th it! If I'm gonna turn into a chicken, then from now on, I'm gonna be a brave chicken, not a chicken chicken!"

"Attaboy, Charles!"

And with that, Stu and Charles left Charles' room and entered the backyard.

"Here we are!" cried Stu. "The backyard!"

"That'th barnyard to uth chickenth," Charles replied, and he squawked like a chicken.

"Okay, Charles, if you're gonna be a chicken, the first thing you'll have to do is learn how to eat worms." And Stu grabbed an earthworm from the ground and showed it to Charles.

Disgusted, Charles whacked the worm out of Stu's hand. "I don't know, Thtu," he said. "I don't think I'm ready for real wormth jutht yet."

Later, Charles began flapping his "wings" and making chicken noises.

"Flap harder, Charles," cried Stu. "Flap harder!"

But soon, Charles fell into the sandbox.

"Not bad for a first try," said Stu.

Later still, Stu was teaching Charles how to do the chicken walk.

"Easy, Charles," said Stu. "A little bit at a time. Step, flap, cluck. Step, flap, cluck."

And as Charles did the chicken walk, he said, "Thtep, flap…" before making a chicken noise. This he did over and over.

"Hey! I think I'm thtarting to get it!" cried Charles, and he started to cluck with joy.

Presently, as Stu jumped up with joy and cheered for Charles, he suddenly felt an itchy sensation, and he stopped jumping to scratch himself.

"That's funny," he said to himself. "I'm getting itchy…"

Charles quickly noticed, and he said to Stu, "Hey! That'th how it thtarted with me! Firtht, I got all itchy, and then I thtarted getting little red bumpth, and the necktht thing I knew I wath turning into a chicken."

Upon seeing the spots on Stu's face, Charles cried, "Then you're turning into a chicken too! Ithn't it great?!"

But then, poor Stu burst into tears. "Chicken pox!" he cried.

"Hey, why are you crying?" asked Charles. "Now we can both be chickenth together!"

But Stu bawled, "I don't wanna be a chicken!"

"Don't worry, Thtu. Bein' a chicken'th not tho bad. Jutht look at me!" Charles clucked.

"But what if my pop mistakes me for his supper!"

"Don't cry, Thtu. Your father would never eat you even if you are a chicken."

Presently, Drew approached Stu and Charles, the latter who clucked at Drew, "Ath for you, Drew, tho what if your brother and I are chickenth! We're both gonna be chickenth together! And we'll build nethtth and lay eggth and eat bird food and do all thothe other thingth that chickenth do! We're chickenth, and we're proud!"

And as Charles clucked at Drew, he developed a cockscomb, to Drew's own horror. And Drew ran off screaming, "You chickens are crazy!"

Stu came to admire Charles for standing up to Drew, and he said, "Boy, Charles, you're the bravest chicken I ever saw!"

"I am?" asked Charles.

"Sure you are. Now, let's go back inside."

And as Stu and Charles went back into the Finster house, they overheard Marvin and Shirley conversing with a doctor. Stu's father, Lou, had returned too.

"The chicken pox? It's going around," said the doctor. "Half the kids of your son's first-grade class have it."

"Then, why don't we go take a look at him?" asked Marvin.

And Marvin, Shirley, Lou, and the doctor went to Charles' room, only to find his bed empty.

Soon, the grown-ups heard some chicken noises.

"What is this, a barn?" asked Lou, and they went downstairs to find Stu and Charles both with chicken pox.

"Oh, no!" cried Lou. "Now, my son got himself a case of the chicken pox!"

"I wouldn't worry about it if I were you," said the doctor reassuringly. "Your boys are better off getting it while they're young. It's a lot worse in adults, especially for men."

"But that doesn't explain why my boy and Marv's boy are acting like chickens!"

"Why don't we ask them?" said Shirley to Lou and Marvin.

And so, Marvin bent down on one knee and asked, "Now, Charles, why are you making all that racket?"

Charles said, "Becauthe we're turning into chickenth."

Stu replied with a cluck.

At this point, Lou, Marvin, Shirley, and the doctor all laughed together.

"What's so funny, pop?" asked Stu.

Lou then said to the doctor, "It's time they knew."

The doctor then said, "Chicken pox doesn't cause you to become chickens."

"So we're not turning into chickens?" asked Stu.

The doctor laughed, "Of course not. Chicken pox is just something that makes you itchy for a few days."

"Oh," Stu and Charles said together.

Charles then turned to Stu and said, "Ya know what, Thtu, I'm kinda thorry we're not turning into chickenth."

"How come, Charles?" asked Stu.

"Becauthe I wath braver ath a chicken than I ever wath ath a kid!"

"That's okay, Charles. I'll always think of you as a chicken."

Charles chuckled, "Thankth, Thtu!"

And so, Lou picked up Stu and Drew and said to them, "Well, boys, it's time for you to go home."

And he took them to his car to drive them home.

"Bye, Lou!" said Marvin and Shirley.

"Bye, Thtu! Bye, Drew!" said Charles.

Inside the car, Drew said to himself, "Well, he was gonna find out sooner or later that chicken pox doesn't really turn you into a chicken."

Suddenly, Stu noticed that Drew was breaking out in spots. "Drew…" he said.

But Drew ignored him and said to himself, "Oh, well. It was fun while it lasted."

"Drew…"

"I should do that with every kid who develops chicken pox."

"Drew!"

Finally, as Drew scratched himself, he turned to Stu and snapped, "What is it?"

"You got spots," said Stu.

"I got what?" And as Drew looked at himself in the mirror, he screamed, "I'm turning into a chicken!"

The chicken pox was a sorrow for young Charles Finster, but he, Stu, and Drew would soon make a quick recovery and return to classes, Charles and Drew to first grade, and Stu to preschool.


	4. The New Kid

_Let's skip a few years to see Charles in fourth grade with Drew. Besides Stu, Charles has befriended other kids like Didi, Charlotte, Howard, and Betty. Melinda Cavanaugh also first appears, and she and Charles become fast friends. However, Drew doesn't like new kids, so he tries to make her become ostracized._

_I imagine that Charles Finster Sr. sounded like Gus from "Recess" when he was a child, but I also imagine that Child!Melinda sounded like Cornchip Girl from "Recess," Child!Howard sounded like Sid from "Hey Arnold," Child!Betty sounded like Phil, Child!Didi sounded like Lil, and Child!Charlotte sounded like Helga from "Hey Arnold."_

_And of course, Charles and Drew's fourth-grade teacher would sound like Tony Jay._

It was September 1966. For Charles and Drew, the fourth grade had begun about a week before. By this point, most of their baby teeth had fallen out, only to be replaced by much more durable permanent teeth, which would last them well into adulthood. Ever since they won their battle with chicken pox in first grade, Charles and Drew would fight other battles, such as measles, mumps, rubella (in that order), and that seasonal foe, the flu! And in all those battles, they would emerge triumphant.

Over the years, Charles had also befriended a number of other kids besides Stu, including Howard DeVille, Betty Giselle, and the youngest, Didila Kropotkin.

But our story begins on a Saturday afternoon. Charles was working on his math homework after a morning of watching cartoons on the TV when he looked outside his window and noticed someone hammering a SOLD label into the FOR SALE sign. Curious, he went to his mother in the living room and asked her, "What's going on, Mom?"

Shirley replied, "It looks like the Cavanaughs have moved in."

"The Cavanaughs?" asked Charles.

"Yep," said Marvin. "A widowed father and his daughter, who, if I'm correct, might just be your age."

"Widowed father?"

"Yep, they say his wife passed on just before the move."

"And does the daughter know about it?"

"No," Shirley replied. "And it's best that she doesn't know until she's older, so please don't tell her when you meet her."

Charles replied, "My lips are sealed, Mom."

Shirley then turned to Marvin and said, "Why don't we go over and say hello to the new neighbors, Marv?"

"I don't see why not," Marvin replied.

And so, Marvin, Shirley, and Charles decided to visit the Cavanaughs, with Shirley bringing a Jell-O mold as a housewarming present.

"But I don't know about the Jell-O thing, Shirley," said Marvin.

Shirley replied, "Marv, it's a tradition. You always give Jell-O molds to the new neighbors."

Marvin, Shirley, and Charles entered the house. Upon seeing the interior of the house, Charles couldn't refrain himself from saying, "Some digs they've got here!"

Soon, Mr. Cavanaugh saw the Finsters and said, "Hello. I'm Christian Cavanaugh. Who might you be?"

Marvin replied, "We're the Finsters from across the street. I'm Marvin, and this is my wife Shirley and our son Charles."

Charles waved meekly at Christian, who asked, "How old is this boy?"

"He's only nine years old," Shirley replied. "And he's just started fourth grade."

Delighted, Christian said, "Wonderful! I myself have a daughter who's just turned Charles' age! Her name is Melinda. I'll show her to you"

And he called out, "Oh, Melinda!"

Melinda Cavanaugh. What a pretty name! And as she came down to see her father and the Finsters, Charles saw how pretty she was in person. And she also had a pretty voice as she spoke to him, "Hi. My name's Melinda. What's yours?"

"I'm Charles," Charles replied meekly.

"Hi, Charles. Want me to show you our new house? It's not exactly the farm I grew up in, but come on."

And Melinda showed Charles the living room: "This is our living room. The movers came to our farm, and they moved the whole thing over her to our city house."

"Really? Wow!" said Charles in amazement.

Melinda then took Charles to the den: "And this is the den. They brought it from the farm too."

"Even the floor?"

"Even the floor."

"Wow! You sure have a fun house, Melinda."

"Yeah, but you haven't seen the best room of all: my room!" And as Melinda showed Charles her bedroom, she said to him, "It's got my bed, my toybox, my old rocking horse, a window where I can see the backyard from, and my prized possession, a sock monkey that my mommy made me for my first birthday. By the way, my mommy's in the hospital, but I don't know why she couldn't come with Daddy and me."

Charles was upset. He had promised his parents not to tell Melinda the truth, and besides, he didn't have the heart to do so, because he liked her too much…

It was on September 16 of that year when, during class, Charles and Drew and all their classmates were introduced to Melinda. Their fourth-grade teacher spoke to them in his deep, powerful voice, "Boys and girls, I'd like you to meet your new classmate: Melinda Cavanaugh."

"Hello, Melinda," said the fourth graders quietly.

"Hello," said Melinda shyly. "My name is Melinda. I grew up on a farm for the first nine years of my life."

The fourth-grade teacher said, "Melinda would like to make friends with you, so be nice to her."

But as Melinda sat down, all of her classmates just stared at her with confused expressions on their faces. This made Melinda feel nervous. Except for Charles, would she be able to make any friends?

During recess, Charles' friends were playing around. Stu Pickles, Drew's younger brother, was in second grade. Didila Kropotkin, often called "Didi" for short, was in first grade. Howard DeVille and Charlotte were in third grade, and Betty Giselle, like Stu, was also in second grade.

As Stu and Drew were looking at blades of grass through a magnifying glass, Charlotte sighed, "I'm bored of standing around here. Why don't we have a tea party?"

"I wouldn't mind," Howard said.

"Pass…" said Betty as she rolled her eyes.

"Uh-oh! Here comes Finster with the new kid!" said Drew as he pointed to Charles and Melinda.

Charles led Melinda to his friends and said to her, "Melinda, these are my friends: Stu, Drew, Didi, Charlotte, Howard, and Betty. Guys, this is Melinda."

"Hi," said Melinda.

"Hi, Melinda," said Stu, Didi, Charlotte, Howard, and Betty.

But Drew cried, "What are you doing, Charles?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Charles.

"You know the rules! You're not even supposed to talk to her kind for at least 48 hours!"

"_Her_ kind?" said Charles indignantly. "I don't remember reading that in the rules."

"Well, that's what would be in the rules if I were in charge of them."

"But the teacher said we're supposed to be nice to Melinda."

"Melinda? Melinda who?" asked Drew, who pretended not to know that she had a name.

Charles growled, "Melinda Cavanaugh. You should know that!"

"You know, guys," said Melinda to Charles and the others. "I like the fall season."

"What are you talkin' about? We're in school," said Betty as she looked at Melinda.

"I know, but fall is my favorite time of the year: jumping in the leaves, carving pumpkins, Thanksgiving dinner…"

"She has a point, Drew," said Stu.

But as Melinda smiled and everyone else gathered around her, Drew glared at her…

The next morning, Charles, Drew, and Melinda were in the classroom as the teacher gave roll call in alphabetical order: "William Baker?"

"Here," said William.

"Megan Bell?"

"Here," said Megan.

"Melinda Cavanaugh?"

"Here," said Melinda.

"You mean, New Kid!" chortled Drew out loud.

This drew the ire of the teacher who shouted, "Andrew Louis Pickles! I told you to be _nice_ to Melinda, now shape up! Also, you're not the next pupil on the list!"

Drew crossed his arms and sulked on his seat.

During recess, Charles and Melinda were running towards the jungle gym with Stu, Didi, Charlotte, Howard, and Betty, so that they all could play on it.

But little did they know that Drew was watching them from a bush at a distance.

"Look at those fools," he said to himself. "They think they're so smart, thinking that playing with New Kid is a good idea. Well, what do they know? I'm gonna humiliate this new kid like never before!"

He then poured a bucket full of water onto some dirt and mixed it into a mud puddle. "There, I made mud. What humiliates a girl more than getting dirty? All I gotta do is watch from a safe distance…"

And he fled and hid himself in the bush again to watch.

Meanwhile, Charles, Stu, and Howard were in one group, while Didi, Betty, Melinda, and Charlotte were in another group, with Charlotte playing with her new doll.

"Say, Didi, what do you think the boys are thinking about?" asked Melinda.

"Oh, I don't know," shrugged Didi. "Probably playing in the mud or something."

"That sounds awesome!" Betty cried out with delight. "I wanna play in the mud!"

Didi looked at her in disgust and said, "No way, Betty, that's filthy!"

"But it'll be fun!"

Turning to Melinda, Didi asked, "What do you think, Melinda?"

Suddenly, Melinda tripped on a rock and fell into the mud puddle Drew had made earlier. How Drew laughed out loud and shouted, "She looks like a giant mud pie!"

Everyone else looked on in curiosity and confusion, but Melinda sat up and said to the others, "It's all right, guys. When I was living at the farm, I always loved playing in the mud with the piggies."

"See? It's fun, Didi," said Betty.

Didi then turned to Charlotte and said, "Charlotte, I think it's time for tea."

"You said it, Didi," Charlotte replied.

And Didi and Charlotte went to a safe distance to play tea party with their dolls.

Charles, Stu, and Howard looked at Melinda and Betty wrestling each other in the mud, and Charles asked, "What do you think they're doing?"

Howard replied, "I think they're playing in the mud."

Stu was astonished and cried, "Cool! I never heard of a girl who liked mud… except for Betty! Care to join us, Charles?"

"No, I don't like getting dirty," Charles replied. "Melinda can have fun without me."

"Okay, suit yourself," said Stu as he jumped into the mud with Melinda and Betty.

As for Drew, he growled in defeat, for his plan to humiliate Melinda, the new kid, had backfired once again.

Two days passed by, and Drew tried everything: rope snares, "kick me" signs, even a bucking horse, the very one who had humiliated Drew at the previous year's horseback-riding competition. But every attempt to make Melinda look bad backfired. Charles took the rope snare for her, he removed the "kick me" sign from her and replaced it with a "say 'Hi, Melinda' to me" sign, and what's more, Melinda, being a farm girl, knew how to tame and control a bucking horse.

Finally, on the third day, Drew was so infuriated at his multiple failures that he decided to take the direct approach, even though he wasn't supposed to because Melinda was a girl and Drew was a boy.

During recess, Melinda was playing in the jungle gym with her friends and she was about to slide down the slide, only to be met with Drew Pickles.

"Hi, Drew," said Melinda meekly.

"All right, New Kid!" shouted Drew as he glared at Melinda. "It's my turn!"

"Actually, it's my turn."

"Oh, no, it's not!" said Drew as he shoved her aside, to everyone else's shock.

Poor Melinda was so upset she nearly cried.

As all the students on the playground looked on, Charles was indignant. "You can't do that to a girl!" he cried. And he stepped up to Drew and shoved him down the slide, with Charles swiftly following.

Everyone who saw this chanted, "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

And fight Charles and Drew did. At first, Charles didn't seem like much of a fighter, so everyone feared that Drew might gain the upper hand. But when Charles saw Melinda, he set his own fears aside and began to beat Drew up. After about a minute, both boys had been beaten into a pulp, although Charles had clearly won the fight, as Drew was crying like a baby.

Charles was confused. "What did I do?" he asked.

Melinda approached him and said, "Why, Charles, you saved me."

Suddenly, Charles crouched down in pain. "Then how come I don't feel so good?" he asked as he fell to the ground.

The next day, Charles and Drew returned to the school grounds with bandages. Drew had a broken arm and a plate in his head, while Charles had a broken leg and crutches.

Melinda again came to Charles and said to him, "It was very brave of you to stand up for me. I just wish I could repay you."

Charles replied, "I know. My dad tells me that violence should never be a man's first choice in resolving conflicts, but that defending someone you like is a noble thing to do."

"Why don't you go to the sweet shop with me? I'll treat you there with a strawberry milkshake."

Charles smiled and said, "Gee, thanks, Melinda!"

"You're welcome," Melinda replied, and she went off to play with Betty again.

Charles sighed, until he noticed Stu and Drew chanting, "Charles and Melinda sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Hey!" Charles cried out to the Pickles brothers. "Just because I like Melinda doesn't mean I _like_ like her!"

"Yeah, ya do!" Drew laughed until he felt some pain from his broken arm. Then he groaned, "I'm not gonna try anything like pickin' on a new kid again…"

Meeting Melinda Cavanaugh was a great joy for young Charles Finster. It was clear that he was starting to become attracted to her, and over the years, his affection for Melinda would get deeper and deeper, but that's another story…


	5. Charles is Breathless

_Charles' fourth-grade teacher is about to direct a drama adaptation of The Wind in the Willows. Among the other kids, Drew is the Water Rat, Melinda is the jailer's daughter, and Charles is… a willow tree? During this time, however, Charles learns that he has asthma, and suddenly Drew starts treating him differently._

In November 1966, Charles and Melinda had known each other for two months. Since Charles had stood up for Melinda against Drew's attacks, Drew would always think twice about picking on the new kid.

It was during this time, when the teacher made an announcement to his students: "Boys and girls, we will soon be staging _The Wind in the Willows_. It was my favorite story when I was your age. I have therefore assigned each of you a role for the play. Just remember: there are no small parts, only small actors."

And he pulled out the role list and spoke: "William Baker, you're the Mole."

"Thank you, sir," said William.

"Drew Pickles, you're the Water Rat."

"Wow! A major role in a school play! What an honor!" said Drew.

"Daniel Gallagher, you're Mr. Toad."

"Nice," said Daniel. "I'll make sure I play my role well."

"Malcolm McDuff, you're the Badger."

"A bonnie role for me!" cried Malcolm, who was a foreign exchange student from Scotland.

"Melinda Cavanaugh, you're the jailer's daughter."

"Thank you, sir," said Melinda.

This went on and on, until the teacher ran out of major roles and gave the remainder of the students non-speaking roles. For example…

"Charles Finster, you're a willow tree."

"Wow! You mean the title role?" gasped Charles with excitement.

Drew snickered at Charles, "What are you excited about, Charles? You're a tree!"

Melinda was miffed at Drew for making fun of Charles, and she said to Drew, "He's a willow."

"Look, Cavanaugh!" said Drew. "I know a tree when I see one, and Charles Finster is playin' a tree!"

The teacher then said to his students, "All right, class. Now that you have been assigned your roles, you will be given your scripts."

And he handed the students some old books, so old that they had collected dust. As the teacher set them down, however, Charles began to cough. It was a really bad cough that concerned Melinda.

And as Drew looked through his script, he read the Water Rat's lines: "You are fast becoming a menace to society! If you won't think of yourself, think of poor old Badger! And as for that horse, no good could ever come from galloping about with such a fast and irresponsible beast!"

But as Drew read his lines, Charles was coughing violently.

This time, Drew noticed with Melinda. "Charles!" cried Drew. "Are you okay?!"

Charles wheezed, "Having… trouble… breathing…"

Even the teacher was concerned upon hearing Charles' wheezing. He said, "Charles, whatever is the matter? You should go see a doctor right away."

And so, the teacher sent Charles to a nearby hospital. There, a nurse used her stethoscope to check the red-headed boy's heart and breathing.

"What exactly do you feel?" asked the nurse.

Charles replied, "I don't know. It feels like I'm trying to breathe through a straw."

"Anyone can breathe through a straw."

"A straw that's been clogged."

Meanwhile, in the waiting room, Marvin and Shirley were waiting patiently, alongside Melinda and her father, Stu, Drew, and their father Lou.

Second-grader Stu, having heard of Charles' breathing problems, turned on Drew and shouted, "It's all your fault, Drew!"

"My fault?" cried Drew in bewilderment. "How can it be my fault?"

"Because you read that dirty book! That's what made him sick! I know it!"

"Well, how was I supposed to know my script was so dusty?"

Lou then said to his sons, "Boys, boys, stop arguing. Stu, you're eight years old. Drew, you're nine. Grow up, you two!"

But Melinda didn't play the blame game. Instead, she said to herself, "Poor Charles…"

Back in the nurse's office, the nurse said to Charles, "The dust and mold from your friend's script made it hard for you to breathe because you have asthma."

Charles was startled. "Asthma?" he cried. "Does it mean I can't participate in my school play?"

"Don't worry, Charles. If you take your medicine, you can do all the things you like."

Yes, having asthma didn't seem like a big deal… to Charles.

The next day, at school, Charles was walking down the hallway with Melinda.

"So, you're saying that if you get even one little bit of dust up your nose, you can't breathe?" asked Melinda.

Charles replied, "You got that right. I can't play kickball with you, Stu, Drew, and Betty without wheezing!"

"Is asthma contagious?"

"I certainly hope not…"

But little did Charles and Melinda know that Drew and Stu were hot on their tail.

"I don't get it, Drew," said Stu. "Why are we stalking Charles?"

Drew replied, "Listen, Stu. You and I both don't know anything about asthma. It could be contagious. In fact, he may not actually have asthma, but consumption."

"And consumption is contagious?"

"Yes! He may spread it to Melinda! We're talkin' long-term exposure here!"

"Hey, Drew," said Charlotte, who was leaning on her school locker. "If Charles has consumption, do you think he could move a garret in Paris, become a starving poet, make friends with a painter, fall in love with a seamstress, and cry like a baby after she dies right in front of him?"

Confused, Drew replied, "I have no idea what you're talkin' about, Charlotte."

And Stu, who was equally confused, added, "Yeah, me neither."

Frustrated, Charlotte groaned, "Boys! They're never cultured!"

During the stage rehearsal of _Wind in the Willows_, the students were getting into their costumes. Drew had put on his water rat costume, and Melinda had put on her jailer's daughter costume.

"This is gonna be great!" cried Melinda.

"Yeah, sure," said Charles shakily. The poor kid's confidence had worn off since he was diagnosed with asthma. The fact that he saw Drew dusting off his willow costume didn't help him.

"Here you go, Charles," said Drew as he handed Charles the willow costume. "It's all safe now."

The next day, during class, Drew spontaneously asked, "Hey, has anyone seen my penicillin… I mean, pencil and pen?"

The entire class gave Drew weird looks, none of them knowing why he said "penicillin" in the first place.

And during recess, Drew was crawling on the ground, faking an asthma attack as he wheezed, "Can't breathe! Tell the nurse! I think I have plasma!"

"Don't you mean asthma?" asked Charles, who was sitting on a swing.

Then Drew got up and grumbled, "Oh, stupid word—too many consonants all smooshed together!"

That afternoon, after school, Stu, Drew, and Melinda spied on Charles, who was at the nurse's office taking his asthma medication via an inhaler.

"You really think he's faking it, Drew?" asked Stu. "Nobody can fake a cough that bad."

"Well, he is!" said Drew. "He's faking it to go home early. See? He's playing the kazoo."

"Um, that's an inhaler," said Melinda. "I think he's taking medicine to help him breathe."

"What do you know, Cavanaugh?" snapped Drew at Melinda. "You don't have what Finster's got, although you might."

"I doubt it. I think he can be cured of it."

"Let's hope so, Melinda," said Stu.

But little did his friends know that Charles overheard their conversation, and he felt even less confident.

Not long afterward, during another rehearsal, Charles dropped by to speak with Drew and Melinda. He said to them, "Great news, guys! I'm cured!"

Melinda was pleasantly surprised. "Really? Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah! Could I do this if I had asthma?" And as he put on his willow costume, Charles smelled its wooden aroma deeply. "Ahh… the sweet scent of wood! It must have dust in it! I haven't worn it in a few days."

"So you don't have to use that kazoo anymore?" asked Drew.

"Nope."

"Good. Now I don't have to worry about catchin' asthma or consumption."

Charles was confused. "Consumption? What are you talking about?"

"Never mind," said Drew.

But the next day, during recess, Charles, having skipped his appointment with the school nurse, was playing kickball with Stu, Drew, Betty, Howard, and Melinda.

"Ah, kickball," said Howard. "The one sport no kid should have to miss out on."

"Pitch that sucker, Finster!" shouted Drew very rudely to Charles.

"No decent kid, that is," grumbled Howard.

And so, Charles pitched the kickball and sent it in Drew's direction. As Drew kicked the ball and ran across the bases, however, he kicked up a large cloud of dust until he was caught by Howard, who was standing at second base and placed the ball he had caught on Drew's head. "You're out!" he cried.

"Hooray!" Charles cried. Then he began to dance until he started coughing from the dust. "That's one… to nothing…" he wheezed.

Stu, Drew, Melinda, Betty, and Howard quietly surrounded Charles and looked at him sympathetically.

"Are you okay, Charles?" asked Betty.

"Maybe we should go get the nurse," said Melinda.

"I'm fine…" gasped Charles. "I just need a drink of water. That's all…"

But Melinda felt sorry for Charles, and she walked him to the nurse's office. There, Charles took his asthma medication by spraying it into his mouth from his inhaler. After taking a deep breath, he sighed, "Ahh… that's much better."

"It's important to take your medicine," said the nurse. "Why did you skip your appointment?"

Charles replied, "I didn't want my friends to know about it. Drew's especially been acting really weird."

"Do you think maybe they don't understand?"

"Maybe…"

Presently, Charles got an idea. The teacher having assigned him and his classmates to do a science project, Charles knew just what to do his science project on!

And so, on the day before the play, all of Charles' classmates presented their science projects, with Drew doing his on static electricity: "As you can see, the comb, once run through your hair very rapidly, is able to pick up little pieces of paper. And that's an example of static electricity. Thanks for the opportunity."

And as the students clapped, the teacher said, "Excellent report, Drew. Next up we have Charles Finster's report."

Charles stepped up and spoke: "My science report is about asthma. But first I need you to imagine that you're very, very small."

And so, all of Charles' classmates closed their eyes and imagined that they were microscopic in size. They then heard Charles say, "Very good. Now I want you all up my nose on the double!"

As Charles began to breathe through his nose, his classmates imagined that they were all sucked in with the fresh air.

Drew said to himself, "Wow! I don't think I've ever been in anyone's lungs before!"

"Me neither!" said Melinda.

"So, where is the asthma?" asked Drew. "Is it a giant bug that'll attack us? Will it make you cough up blood?"

Soon, the fourth graders heard Charles' high-pitched voice: "No, no, asthma is just a word for what happens to my lungs when I breathe in dust or mold. See the dust particles? Now, the walls are getting smaller! This is when I usually start to cough! Hold on!"

And sooner than the fourth graders knew it, Charles started to cough, and he coughed them all up!

When Charles' classmates opened their eyes, they were back in the classroom.

"And the best part is," said Charles, "unlike consumption, asthma is not contagious."

As he finished, his classmates all applauded.

The teacher was impressed, and he said, "Excellent insight on your asthma report! Another 'A' for you!"

The next day, the fourth-grade class staged _Wind in the Willows_. Among the other students, Drew was the Water Rat, Melinda was the Jailer's Daughter, and Charles… was the willow, but he was a good sport about it.

Learning that he had asthma was a sorrow for young Charles Finster, but with the help of friends like Stu, Drew, Howard, Didi, Betty, and especially Melinda, he came to realize that his asthma wasn't such a big deal anymore. For the rest of his childhood, he would still be the same old Charles Finster, but with asthma.


	6. Germ Warfare

_After Melinda becomes ill with a cold, Charles becomes deathly afraid of germs and declares war on them. Will his friends pull him to his senses when he begins making the other kids take extra precautions to avoid germs of any kind?_

_This is the first appearance of young Rex Pester, who I imagine sounded like Menlo from "Recess" when he was a child._

When Charles was very young, he was like normal boys his age; he liked nothing more than getting messy!

In 1959, when Charles was just two years old, he would be seen playing in the garbage. "Ah…" he said. "Nothing like a nice soft pile of garbage!"

And by the time Marvin and Shirley came in, they saw that Charles was all covered in garbage. Shirley was shocked, and as she scooped Charles up from the garbage, she cried out, "Charles! What are you doing?! Don't you realize that garbage is full of germs?!"

In sharp contrast, Marvin was always fine with Charles getting dirty. "Ah, let him get dirty, Shirley," he said to Shirley as she was giving Charles a bath. "He doesn't even like baths."

"I know," Shirley replied. "But we have to get those germs off!"

And she would wash Charles with lots of soap and water.

In 1962, when Charles was five years old and in kindergarten, he also liked to crawl under his bed, which was full of dust bunnies. The dust would make him sneeze, but he didn't mind. "Under the bed is the best place there is!" he chuckled.

But Shirley overheard Charles sneezing. "Charles!" she cried as she took him out from under the bed.

As Shirley again gave Charles his bath, she said, "Now, Charles, germs can get inside your body and make you sick."

Then, Marvin said to her, "Come on, Shirley. When I was his age, my pa let me get messy all the time, and look at me now!"

And he flexed his muscles.

"Mom…" groaned Charles as she lathered soap into his hair.

In 1963, when Charles was six years old and in first grade, he liked playing in muddy puddles as well.

When Shirley saw this, she cried, "Not again!"

And again, Shirley gave Charles his bath, and she said to her son, "Now, Charles, it's time you knew that germs cause decay and disease."

Marvin told Shirley, "My pa let me play in the mud until I was twelve, and I doubt that it had anything to do with the multiple diseases I got as a child!"

Shirley replied, "But, Marv, Charles has to know that although germs are too small to see, they're everywhere: on the walls, in the carpet, even on his clothes!"

And as Shirley poured water on his head, Charles cried, "Mom, you're scaring me."

"Relax, Charles. You'll be fine."

That night, Marvin and Shirley tucked Charles into bed. Shirley said, "There now, you're all nice and clean again. Pleasant dreams, Charles."

"Good night, son," said Marvin.

And as Marvin and Shirley left the bedroom, Charles said, "Good night, mom. Good night, dad."

And Charles fell into a dreamless sleep…

Years later, in February 1967, Charles, now a fourth grader, was nine years old, going on ten. His teacher was letting his classmates investigate bacteria under a microscope. Drew and Melinda were each having a look into the microscope while Charles was keeping his distance.

"Cool! I see 'em!" cried Drew as he saw the bacteria. "Whoa! One of the blobs just split in two! Now he has double attack power!"

"Um, may I see the bacteria?" asked Melinda.

"Hold on, Cavanaugh! I just gotta see one thing!"

"Gee, Drew. I really would like to see the bacteria."

"Yeah, yeah. Hold your horses, girl. I know when I've seen enough…"

"Drew!" said the teacher. "Let Melinda have her turn!"

"Yes, sir," grumbled Drew as he left the microscope, whereupon Melinda looked into it and said, "Wow! They're amazing! They're like tiny balloons caressed by the breeze!"

Then she turned to Charles and asked, "Care to peer into their world, Charles?"

"I don't know, Melinda," he replied hesitantly.

"Come on, Charles. They're just germs."

Charles shivered, and he cried, "Did you say germs?! I thought you called them bacteria!"

The teacher said calmly, "She's right, Charles. Germs and bacteria are the same thing."

"They are?!"

"Relax, Charles," said Drew. "Those things are harmless."

"Harmless?!" screamed Charles. "What did your mama tell you?! Germs aren't harmless! They're little scary creatures that cause decay and disease!"

"Well, I don't think these things are gonna hurt anyone," said Melinda. "They're between two microscope slots."

"Yeah," sighed Charles as he took some medication from his inhaler. "Sure, I guess you're right. I'm probably safe as long as they're under there."

"Yes, we're not going to let the bacteria loose," said the teacher. "And besides, there's no reason to worry about the few germs on that slide. The truth of the matter is that there are billions of germs everywhere."

Charles looked around in increasing paranoia. "Ev-ev-"

Melinda tugged the teacher's shirt and said, "Um, sir, not helping."

"In fact," said the teacher, "there are billions of germs living on your very skin right now."

"MY SKIN?!" screamed Charles, and he ran off in fright!

The teacher and his students were all bewildered.

After school, the students left their classrooms for home. But Drew and Melinda looked around for Charles. They were soon joined by Stu.

"I wonder where Charles went to," said Stu.

"Probably home," Melinda replied. "Those germs really freaked him out."

"Well, I say he's dented," groaned Drew.

"Wait a sec, you guys! I got a hunch!" cried Stu as he dashed for the boys' bathroom.

But as soon as he opened the door, he saw Charles wiping his arms with a hot, wet washcloth, whimpering, "Must get clean! Must get clean!"

Stu then said to Drew and Melinda, "Uh, I think Chas is gonna need a little more time with his whole 'germs all over his skin' thing."

Drew and Melinda looked at each other in confusion.

The next day, during recess, Stu, Howard, Drew, and Melinda were playing basketball on the blacktop.

"Who's ready for some basketball!" cried Stu.

"I am!" said Melinda.

"Let's do it!" said Howard.

"I'm ready!" shouted Drew. "But is Charles ready?"

"Hey, guys!" said Charles. Stu, Drew, Howard, and Melinda wouldn't believe him if they didn't see him; he was dressed in a hazmat suit!

"Charles!" cried Stu. "Is that you?"

"What's with the raincoat?" asked Drew.

Charles explained, "It's a biological hazard suit. In here, I'm completely protected from any and all foreign germs!"

"You know, Charles," said Stu, "I think you might be overreacting a bit."

"Yeah, you can't even see germs," said Howard.

"But that's the whole point!" said Charles. "They can be anywhere! Do you know where that ball has been? Who could have sneezed on it?!"

Stu chuckled nervously, "Here, Howard! Catch!"

Howard became nervous, until Melinda said, "Now, now, guys, just because germs are everywhere doesn't mean we should…"

Presently, Melinda began to sneeze, and she said, "Excuse me. I'd like to go see the nurse. Suddenly, I don't feel so well…"

And she went to the nurse's office.

Charles then shouted to Stu, Drew, and Howard, "See? Those hideous germs got Melinda! They could kill her!"

"Ah, come on, Charles," said Stu. "This is nothing. Our second-grade teacher told us that Betty is home sick with the flu. She was probably exposed by her mom again."

"WHAT?!" cried Charles.

"Yeah, so forget this germ stuff, take off that silly getup, and come to play some basketball."

"No can do, Stu! I won't rest until my fellow students are safe from the suspicious, unchecked menace! If you'll excuse me, I must spread the word!"

Stu, Drew, and Howard were dumbfounded beyond belief.

Charles approached Didi and Charlotte, who were playing with their dolls, and said, "Good morning, girls. I'd like to speak to you to-day about germs."

"Ew! _You're_ a germ!" cried Charlotte.

"Charlotte!" shouted Didi as she elbowed Charlotte. "That's Charles! He's the closest thing to a big brother I'm ever going to have!"

Didi then turned to Charles and asked, "So, about germs?"

"Didn't you hear?" said Charles. "They got Melinda sick!"

"You don't say."

"Yeah, but it seems your so-called friend doesn't want to face this problem head-on!"

"You said it!"

"So, we gotta avoid the germs!"

"By playing in the sandbox?"

"No! That's practically the first place germs go!"

"How about a tea party?"

"No! Don't you know who could have placed their lips on that cup?!"

"What about playing with dollies?"

"Dollies carry germs too!"

"I give up, Charles…" And so, Didi went back to Charlotte to play tea party.

"Oh, man!" groaned Charles. "How is anyone gonna face the unseen menace?"

Then who should approach Charles but a young boy with big permanent teeth and prominent eyelashes? His name was Rex Pester. Rex spoke to Charles and said, "What's all this, Charles? Having a little trouble getting your message of impending doom out to the people?"

Charles was annoyed with Rex. "Leave me alone," he said.

"How do you feel about Melinda suffering from such a terrible cold she's probably dying of pneumonia?"

"DYING OF PNEUMONIA?!" screamed Charles.

"I hear a second grader named Betty Giselle will die of the flu as well," sneered Rex.

"AND YOU'RE HAPPY ABOUT IT!?"

"Not really. What you need is a propaganda machine, in this case, me!"

Charles thought about it for a while, until finally he said, "Well, I suppose so, if you're gonna make sure this school is germ-free forever."

"Just throw in one of those nifty hazmat suits, and you've got yourself a deal!"

The next day, Charles and Rex stood before some children, and Charles cried, "Kids of the school, there is an invisible menace among us! We speak to you to-day of germs!"

Rex then said, "They have already claimed Melinda and Betty's lives, so if the fittest among us won't survive, who will?!"

"Thank you, Rex," said Charles. Then he turned to the others and cried out, "We must take action before it's too late! We must eliminate germs for good!"

And the crowd said, "Here! Here! Here!"

Stu and Drew overheard the cries of Charles and Rex, and Stu said, "You know, Drew. I'm tired of Charles' germ issues. Let's go play in the garbage."

"I don't know, Stu," said Drew. "Charles is startin' to make a little sense. I hear that's the worst place to go because it's where germs come from."

"But, Drew, we play in the garbage all the time, and we never catch any germs from that."

"How can you be so sure?"

Next thing Drew knew, he and Stu were playing in the garbage dumpster.

"Ew! Rancid fish sticks!" Stu chuckled.

"I can see why they call these sloppy Joes!" laughed Drew.

Stu presently placed an empty ice-cream cone on his head and said, "Look, Drew! I'm a garden gnome!"

Similarly, Drew put some noodles on his head and said, "These germs can't harm me!"

"You know, I'd say Charles is just worried over nothing!"

"Yeah, and the pretty boy with the smug smirk isn't helpin' him!"

But as Stu and Drew were playing in the garbage, they suddenly heard Charles scream, "NO! Look at you guys! You're covered with garbage!"

"Gee, Charles," said Stu. "It's not so bad."

"Not so bad?" cried Charles. "That garbage is infested with germs!"

"Yes," said Rex. "Now you both have them and may die of tetanus!"

"That's odd," said Stu. "I feel fine."

"Tetanus?!" cried Drew. "I say let's kick some germ butt!"

And Charles, Rex, and Drew all shouted together, "Down with germs! Down with germs! Down with germs!"

A few days later, wearing their hazmat suits, Charles and Rex were scrubbing the blacktop with sponges full of soapy water. Drew, Howard, Didi, and Charlotte were doing the same while wearing face masks and rubber gloves.

"Say, Drew," said Howard. "How do we know when we've gotten rid of all the germs?"

"How should I know? We can't see 'em!" Drew replied.

And so, they continued scrubbing.

But Stu was not involved in the sanitation.

"Why are they so worried about germs?" he asked himself. "What am I gonna do about Charles' germ phobia? I don't think he's ever gonna get over it…" But then, he got an idea: "Unless…"

Instantly, he ran for the dumpster.

Meanwhile, Charles and Rex were penning a petition.

"Ah, yes," said Rex. "This petition should lure citywide disinfectant trucks to the school within the hour!"

"Excellent," said Charles. "First the playground, then the world!"

But then, Charles heard a scream.

"Oh, no!" cried Charles. "The germs have got Stu! I warned him about that garbage!"

Rex then said to Charles, "Now, now, Charles. Don't do something you're gonna regret. The garbage might kill you!"

"I must save Stu!" shouted Charles as he ran for the dumpster.

"But what about the petition?!" screamed Rex, but Charles didn't listen. Frustrated, Rex tore up his petition and shouted, "The deal's off! Let everyone but Stu _die of the plague_!" And he stormed away in anger.

Meanwhile, Charles had gotten to the dumpster where Stu screamed, "Help, Charles! Help!"

"Stu!" screamed Charles.

"It's the germs, Charles! They got me!"

"Oh, no!"

And Drew watched as Charles jumped heroically into the dumpster to rescue Stu.

Once Stu was out of the dumpster, Drew cried, "You did it, Charles! You save Stu!"

Charles then inspected Stu as he screamed, "Where are they, Stu? Where are the germs?!"

That's when Stu burst into laughter.

Charles was confused. "What? What's so funny?"

"Come on, Chas. Take that dumb hat off," said Stu as he pulled the mask off Charles' hazmat suit.

Charles gasped, "Are you insane?! I could get a runny nose or consumption! Give me back my mask! It isn't safe!"

"Well, I think he had to do it," said a voice.

Charles turned around to see Melinda and Betty, having now recovered from the cold and the flu respectively.

Charles cried out, "Melinda! Betty! You're alive! But how?"

Melinda replied, "While I was ill, I have been told that you've been behaving ridiculously. Germs made me and Betty sick, but the fact that I caught a cold and she the flu doesn't mean you should disinfect the school."

Betty added, "I reckon germs are everywhere, so we gotta learn to live with 'em!"

"But not all bacteria is bad. In fact, some are used to make yogurt and cheese."

"I love cheese!" exclaimed Charles. Then he turned to Stu and said, "I'm sorry I got carried away, buddy."

"That's okay, Charles," Stu replied. "If I didn't do something, you were gonna stay paranoid forever."

Charles then turned to the students and said, "Kids of the playground, please disregard all I have said about germs before! Let's just get out there and play!"

The kids all cheered, except for Rex, who would have sworn revenge on Charles for "betraying" him, had he not suddenly begun to sneeze. "Now I need to go to the nurse's office," he said. And so, he did.

After school, as the five children came to the Finsters' house, Charles said to Stu, Drew, Melinda, and Betty, "You know, guys, trying to keep these germs out of the school was a lot of hard work. From now on, I'm taking my chances, just like the rest of you guys."

And as he jumped into the garbage, he said, "Come on! Let's play 'Garbage Monster!'"

And Stu, Charles, Drew, Melinda, and Betty all played in the garbage, and they had a pleasant time of it.

"I gotta admit," exclaimed Charles cheerfully, "this is fun!"

Stu replied, "See, Charles? I knew nothing bad would happen."

But suddenly, Marvin and Shirley stepped in. Shirley was so horrified at seeing five children playing in the garbage she screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Later, Charles was in his bathtub. Using his walkie-talkie, he called Stu and scolded him, "And you said nothing bad was gonna happen!"

Using his own walkie-talkie, and in his own bathtub with Drew, Stu replied, "Give me a break, Chas. I'm only eight years old."

Drew scowled and said to Stu, "Put a lid on it, Stuie."

And so, Stu and Drew were washed by their father.

In the Giselle household, Betty was also being washed by her mother.

And in the Cavanaugh household across the street from the Finster household, Melinda was being washed by her father.

As for Charles himself, he was being washed with lots of soap and water, courtesy of his own mother.


	7. Joan of Arc

_Not long after Charles' tenth birthday, he and his classmates learn about Joan of Arc. Charles even imagines that he is a French knight, fighting the English alongside her, celebrating the King's coronation with her, and trying in vain to save her from the stake._

On April 26, 1967, Charles Finster had turned ten years old. At first, this was a joy for Charles. Like never before, he felt like a big kid. But his excitement about growing up wouldn't last for long…

It was in May when the fourth-grade teacher taught his students about the Hundred Years' War: "Imagine a war that has been going on since before your great-grandparents were born. This war has lasted for almost a century, and your country is in grave peril of being completely extinguished by foreign invaders. This was the situation of the French during the Hundred Years' War.

"It began in 1337 when King Edward III of England began arguing with King Philip VI of France over who should be in charge of France, since all of Philip's cousins had died without an heir…"

"Wow," said Charles to himself. "What if I lived in that era?"

"Tough luck, Finster," sneered Drew. "You'd probably be creamed by the enemy!"

"Andrew!" said the teacher sternly. "Behave yourself! I'm speaking, so I don't want this petty feud to escalate into _another_ Hundred Years' War!"

And Charles and Drew sat quietly.

The teacher spoke again, "Anyway, the direct result of Edward III and Philip VI's arguments was the beginning of the Hundred Years' War, which was to last until 1453 and to prove a key turning point in military history. For much of the Middle Ages, knights in shining armour proved the deciding factor in the battlefield, but unfortunately for our gallant knights, all that was about to change…"

As the teacher lectured, Charles imagined himself all grown-up, as a 14th-century French knight…

The year was 1346. Here was our Charles, a noble chevalier, astride his great charger. And by his sides were two other knights, Stu and Howard.

"Just look at zis battlefield, _mes amis_," said Charles. As a French knight, he was speaking in a pronounced French accent. "Zis is ze place where we will reduce ze expected lengss of zis Hundred Years' War by more zan 90 years!"

"You said it, Charles," said Stu.

"_Oui, oui!_" cheered Howard.

Charles continued, "Our king tells us zat we will save France for our babies and our babies' babies for all time!"

"Ah, _oui!_" cried Stu.

But Howard looked hesitant. "Um, Charles," he gulped. "Is our king sure we're going to win zis battle, let alone zis war?"

Charles replied, "Well, our king is divinely appointed by God to be our souverain, so I guess, whatever he says goes, _non_?"

"_Oui!_" shouted Stu enthusiastically.

"_Oui_," sighed Howard, as if knowing what could go wrong on the battlefield.

And so, the three French knights rode off with their companions.

As it turned out, Howard's worries were warranted! As the fourth-grade teacher put it: "The Battle of Crécy in 1346 was fought between the English and the French. To be fair, the French cavalry under Philip VI should have won, but they charged too soon and nearly trampled their own foot soldiers! They were completely crushed by the English, who were on foot!"

As the French knights charged towards the English, who should be watching but Drew, all grown-up.

"Hello, there!" said Drew. As an English knight, he was speaking in a posh English accent. "These French losers think they can beat us! Archers, give them a right good thrashing, eh wot?"

And at Drew's orders, the English archers fired arrows at the French knights. Charles, Stu, and Howard tried to fight through the arrows. But suddenly…

Stu and Howard heard a high-pitched scream! When they turned around, they saw that Charles was wounded, an arrow having pierced his shoulder.

The next thing he knew, Charles was lying in a hospital bed with his arm in a sling and bandages across his shirtless chest. Stu came along and asked him, "What damage did ze arrow do to you?"

"Broken collarbone," Charles replied. "Ze less I move it, ze quicker it'll heal."

Howard groaned, "I knew something bad was going to happen."

Charles sighed, "I do not know what happened. We had ze home ground, ze superior numbers… we should have won!"

Stu then said, "Give zis time. Zis strategy ze English have will never catch on, and zey'll soon be back to using knights in shining armor again."

Fast forward to the year 1356. Stu, Charles, and Howard, now ten years older, rode off to another battlefield as the fourth-grade teacher explained, "Within the next ten years, the Black Death had taken one-third of Europe's population away. But now, in 1356, the Battle of Poitiers was about to begin."

Charles said to Stu and Howard, "_Je ne sais pas, mes amis_. Maybe zis whole 'charge at ze enemy' sing is not such a _bonne idée_. Would you rather not allow 100 champions from our side to fight 100 champions from among ze English to avoid excessive casualties?"

"_Mon Dieu, je ne sais pas_," said Stu sarcastically. "What do you sink, _mon ami_?"

Howard rudely turned down Charles' proposition by turning his thumb down and blowing a raspberry.

Naturally, during the ensuing battle, Drew spied at the French charging at the English and said, "Hello, there! It appears the silly French haven't learned their lesson, eh wot?"

And as Drew ordered the archers to fire, the fourth-grade teacher spoke, "Yes, at the Battle of Poitiers, the French were pulverized again."

Try as they might to fight against the English, the French knights either got attacked themselves or fell back. As Charles and Howard tried to beat up some English soldiers, they heard a girly scream.

This time, it was Stu who had been shot with an arrow, and the next thing he knew, he was lying in a hospital bed with bandages across his naked stomach.

Howard gasped, "Oh la la, _mon ami_! What has happened?"

"I was shot in ze stomach," Stu replied. "It happened again."

Whereupon Charles said, "I told you we should have allowed 100 of our champions to fight 100 English champions!"

Back to reality. Ten-year-old Charles had just taken notes on the Battles of Crécy and Poitiers when the school bell rang.

"Ten o'clock already?" said the teacher. "Right then, time for recess."

And the kids all ran to the playground, where they would enjoy themselves for twenty minutes.

With Stu, Didi, Charlotte, Betty, and Howard by his side, Charles said to Drew and Melinda, "Boy, you guys! Growing up is so amazing! Now that I've turned the big 1-0, I get to stay up until nine every night!"

"Then you're the first of us to turn ten," said Drew. "When I turn ten, my dad's letting me do a paper route every morning before school!"

"I don't know, guys," said Melinda. "There's something about this growing up that sounds scary."

"Like what, Melinda?" asked Charles with more than a hint of concern.

"Like not having recess anymore, or having to give up your toys, or even suffering a loss."

"Don't worry, Melinda. When we're grown up, I'm sure we'll still be kids at heart. We'll just be all grown-up. We'll get to drive cars, stay up late, and go to any movie we want. We'll all have great jobs, get married, and even have kids. Given enough time, we may even have grandkids. So, don't be worried about growing up. I'm sure it'll be fun."

"Wow!" gasped Stu, Didi, Charlotte, Betty, and Howard together.

"If I was a grown-up," said Betty, "I think I'd be a pro wrestler."

"Puh-lease," groaned Charlotte. "Only men wrestle! Anyway, I'd like to the CEO of a great company."

Stu then said to Drew, "Is what Charles said true? Will growing up really be a fun adventure?"

"I certainly hope so," Drew replied.

After recess, the fourth-grade teacher resumed his narrative about the Hundred Years' War: "The Hundred Years' War continued on-again-off-again for decades. By 1415, a new generation of knights appeared, clad in fully protective but fully articulated plate armour…"

And again, Charles imagined himself as another chevalier, the grandson of the Charles who fought at Crécy and Poitiers. Now Charles was encased in plate armor, as were Stu and Howard.

Charles said to the others, "_Oui, mes amis_. Zis plate armor will deflect ze sharpest of bodkins!"

"_Sacré bleu_!" cried Stu. "Zose English, even ze archers, won't know what hit zem!"

Howard was about to say something, but then he shrugged and thought, "The only way they'll learn is if it happens to them firsthand, just as it happened twice to our grandfathers."

And so, in the battlefield, Stu, Charles, and Howard were among the large French force who arrived to face the small English force as the fourth-grade teacher said, "And so, here we are on October 25, St. Crispin's Day, 1415. This is the Battle of Agincourt, which pitted the band of brothers under King Henry V of England against a much larger French force."

Meanwhile, Drew had his archers ready again, and once he saw the French he said, "Hello, there! If it isn't some more French knights! They don't seem to have learned from their grandfathers' defeats that our grandfathers doled out on them! Now, the ground is as thick as mud. In fact, it _is_ mud. As soon as they charge, they'll get caught in the mud, and we'll attack them head-on, eh wot?"

And as the French knights charged at the English, Drew and the archers bided their time. Soon, the horses, terrified by the pikes the English had planted into the ground, threw their knightly owners into the mud. Not very dignified.

Stu, Charles, and Howard all hated it, but none more so than Charles, who soon found himself face-to-face with Drew. His leg armor stuck in the mud, Charles was defenseless, and Drew proceeded to stab him in the chest, whereupon Charles fainted from blood loss as the fourth-grade teacher said, "At the Battle of Agincourt, the English annihilated the French yet again in the Crécy-Poitiers tradition."

Back in reality, young Charles gulped with fear, and he raised his hand.

"Yes, Charles?" asked the fourth-grade teacher.

"I don't mean to interrupt," said Charles, "but did the French ever get out of this situation?"

"Why, yes. But it would take them a lot of work, and a rather unexpected source…"

Charles again imagined his grown-up self as a knight, with a big scar across his chest from Agincourt. While he was standing on guard of the young Dauphin Charles, whom Charles imagined as his then-current self, aged ten.

The Dauphin saw a young shepherdess, whom Charles imagined as having Melinda's likeness, approaching his castle. The fourth-grade teacher said, "It was in 1429 when a young shepherdess rode on horseback to the Dauphin's castle at Chinon."

The Dauphin, upon seeing this little maiden, broke into a blush and got tongue-tied. Charles the Chevalier asked the Dauphin, "Highness, what is wrong?"

The Dauphin explained, "I can't talk to a girl! If this girl approaches me, I won't know what to say! Perhaps if I hide among my courtiers and place someone else on the throne instead. Someone who looks more impressive than a loser like me!"

Charles replied, "Well, why not ask my papa? He'll probably…"

But the rest of the courtiers stared at Charles before he could finish his sentence. "_Qu'est-ce que c'est?_ Why are you all looking at me like zat?!" he asked, looking nervous.

Of course, any knight would be nervous if he was made to wear the clothes of a king! But this was ridiculous! Charles the Chevalier was made to wear the Dauphin's clothes, and he cried out, "Highness! Must I wear zese clothes? Zey're way too small for me, so small I can hardly breaze!" And he fainted.

The Dauphin shook his head and said, "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but then the girl will find out too quickly! I'll be toast!"

After a while, Charles the Chevalier was dressed in the same clothes, but of his own size. "Do you really sink zis will work, Highness?" he asked.

The Dauphin replied, "It has to work. It's a foolproof plan."

The fourth-grade teacher stated, "Yes, the prince hid among his courtiers and put a richly-dressed young noble on the throne instead."

Enter the young shepherdess. Charles the Chevalier said, "_Bonjour, jeune fille_."

And the shepherdess said, "I'd be flattered to talk to you, if you were the real Dauphin." And she turned to the real Dauphin.

Everyone was impressed as the shepherdess kneeled before the real Dauphin and told him her mission: "Gentle Dauphin, I am Joan the Maid, and to you is sent word by me from the King of Heaven that you will be anointed and crowned in Reims and you will be Lieutenant to the King of Heaven who is King of France."

At Joan's words, the Dauphin's anxieties were stilled. He then said, "I'm impressed! Joan, you shall receive a suit of armor and my bravest captains!"

Charles the Chevalier was flushed. "You really sink I am brave?" he muttered with sheer modesty.

The fourth-grade teacher explained, "And so, with the Dauphin's permission, Joan rode to the besieged city of Orleans. Among the French defending the city, morale was at its lowest point. Suddenly, Joan broke through the English lines, and she and her men entered the captive city!"

As Joan entered with the knights, the cheering crowds of townspeople surrounded her. Joan and her men then approached an English fortress and assaulted it! The English were so scared they wanted to run away.

Upon seeing this, Drew was infuriated. "We shall not allow ourselves to be beaten by a girl, eh wot?" he cried out. Ordering an archer to fire an arrow at Joan, Drew smirked as the arrow hit Joan in the shoulder and she fell in Charles' arms.

But after Charles the Chevalier had placed Joan under a tree and began to pray for her, Joan herself removed the arrow from her shoulder, cleaned the wound, and returned to the fortress, to Charles' surprise.

"Onward!" cried Joan. "Drive the English away!"

And the English, scared out of their wits, ran away!

Drew shouted at Charles and Joan, "You may have beaten us this time, but we'll get you yet! You'll see, eh wot?"

And Drew rode off with his countrymen.

Charles the Chevalier was overjoyed. "I cannot believe it! We actually won for a change!"

"Following the liberation of Orleans," said the fourth-grade teacher, "Joan led her armies to Reims Cathedral, where Charles VII was to be crowned King of France."

They rode side-by-side, Joan of Arc and the Dauphin Charles, until they reached the cathedral.

There, inside the cathedral, the Dauphin was anointed with oil and crowned King Charles VII of France, amid the cheers of the townspeople. Charles the Chevalier was cheering aloud, while Joan bowed quietly, holding her banner as she prayed with thanksgiving.

"Alas," said the fourth-grade teacher, "Joan's luck was soon to run out…"

It was the year 1430 when Joan and Charles tried to fight the Burgundians. As the fourth-grade teacher explained, "In 1430, Joan of Arc was captured by the Burgundians, who were allies of the English."

Charles the Chevalier ran to Reims and said to Charles VII, "Jeanne d'Arc _capturée_! Zey plan to burn her alive!"

"Then, we must save her life! Charles, rescue her!" cried Charles VII, which gave lie to the fourth-grade teacher's assertion that "King Charles didn't lift a finger."

In early 1431 alone, the French attempted at least two rescues of Joan, but both failed. Both times, Charles the Chevalier was haughtily kicked out by Drew, who shouted, "And don't come back, eh wot?"

"And with Joan of Arc taken to Rouen, the English and their allies were free to put her on trial," said the fourth-grade teacher very grimly.

Drew leaned over little Joan and said, "Hello, there! You, Joan, have been accused of witchcraft, heresy, and defeating grown men in battle! How do you plead?!"

Poor Joan broke into a cold sweat, and who could blame her? Drew was being a bully! He asked her in a very intimidating way, "Are you in God's grace, or not?!"

Joan swallowed her fear and said, "If I am not, then may God put me there. And if I am, then may God so keep me."

Drew was bewildered. Clearly no witch would say that. But nevertheless, the trial needed a verdict, and since the English had been publicly humiliated at Orleans when Joan defeated them, they weren't going to play fair.

"GUILTY!" cried Drew. "SHE MUST BURN AT THE STAKE!"

The entire kangaroo court cheered as they allowed Drew to drag Joan to the marketplace.

Joan's piercing screams were overheard by Charles the Chevalier, who had arrived in his third attempt to rescue the poor girl.

"Do not worry, Jeanne!" cried Charles. "I shall save you!"

But it was no good. As Charles entered the crowd, Drew said to him, "Hello, there! Just in time to watch the little girl burn alive, eh wot?"

"Burn alive?!" screamed Charles. "Let her go, you English pig!"

But Drew smirked as he snapped his fingers. Presently, two burly English guards came to Charles, each man grabbing one of the French knight's arms.

"Jeanne! Jeanne!" he cried, nearly breaking into tears as he saw Drew set the bundles below Joan on fire.

Knowing that this was the end for her, Joan looked up to the heavens as flames engulfed her.

At this point, Charles the Chevalier broke into sobs, knowing that he had failed his mission to rescue Joan of Arc from the stake.

Back in reality, the fourth-grade teacher said to his students, "The sad truth of the matter is this: on May 30, 1431, Joan of Arc was burned in Rouen."

There was a catch in his voice, as none of the students ever heard in the voice of a teacher. But although his eyes filled with tears, he soon turned around to dry his eyes. He then said to his students, "Excuse me, children, for this little exhibition of weakness."

The students stared at the teacher, some of them beginning to cry, as he said to them, "But the death of Joan was soon to be avenged. In 1453, at long last, the Hundred Years' War did end with a French victory. The English were no longer to attempt a continental empire in Europe."

After school, Charles was talking with Melinda, Stu, Drew, Betty, Didi, and Charlotte. He said to them, "On second thought, I don't think I'm ready to grow up."

"Why not, Chas?" asked Stu.

Charles replied, "Because I just realized that growing up means a lot of heartbreak. After learning that from my own fourth-grade teacher, I'm in no hurry to grow up just yet."

"What do you mean?" asked Drew.

"Being a grown-up is awful! I don't want to grow up!"

It wasn't long before Melinda figured out what Charles meant. "Oh, you're referring to what happened to Joan of Arc," she said. "I understand, but it's all in the past. And as I have said before, growing up can be scary, but at the same time, growing up can be an adventure."

"Yeah," said Stu. "When you're a grown-up, you get to have a house and get married and maybe even have some babies."

This was a comforting thought for Charles. "Maybe you guys are right," he said. "It'd be kinda nice to get married!" He then turned to Melinda and said, "I'll do it!"

"Great!" cried Stu. "So what do you guys wanna be when you grow up?"

"I just said I wanna be a pro wrestler," said Betty.

"And I wanna be a CEO," said Charlotte.

"As for me, I'd like to be a teacher," said Didi.

"And I want to be a toymaker," said Stu. "What about you, Chas?"

Charles took a good look at Melinda and said, "You know what I think… I think that when I grow up, I wanna get married and become a father…"

And he, Melinda, Stu, Drew, Betty, Didi, and Charlotte all laughed together.


	8. The Appendix

_In the summer before sixth grade, Charles feels a sudden bellyache while his dad is trying to toughen him up. At first, both parents assume that Charles has just pushed himself too hard, so his mom lets him rest. But the next day, Charles isn't getting any better; in fact, he's gotten worse. He must be rushed to the hospital, or he could die!_

Throughout Charles' childhood, his father, Marvin Finster, wanted nothing more than to toughen him up. It all started on Charles' first birthday when he taught the boy to swim—by tossing him into Lake Michigan with a life preserver and some dry toast. The date was April 26, 1958.

And beginning at the age of three, Charles would be put through extra-strenuous, uber-manly activities, such as hiking, rock climbing, dirt biking, and moose hunting. Even after the boy had been diagnosed with asthma, Marvin would put him through these exercises so as to strengthen Charles' lungs.

But Shirley, being Charles' mother, always went easy on him. In the summer of 1965, when Charles was eight years old and had completed second grade, Marvin tried to make him drink raw eggs in a glass, believing that raw eggs had more protein than cooked eggs.

"Yuck!" cried Charles. "I'm supposed to drink this?!"

Before Marvin could speak, Shirley said, "Of course not, Chas. They're raw. I'll scramble them for you."

And so, she did, while Marvin could only groan as he placed his hand over his eyes in frustration.

Unfortunately for Marvin, Charles was accident-prone at times. For example, in 1960, when he was just three years old and in nursery school, he was hospitalized because he mistook the finger paints for a fruit salad.

The doctor looked into Charles' mouth and said in his deep baritone voice, "Now say 'Ah.'"

Charles just burped as the doctor took a good, long look down the little boy's esophagus.

"Will he be all right, doctor?" asked Shirley.

The doctor replied, "Mrs. Finster, it seems your son has a rather severe case of acute dyspeptic gastritis."

"What's that?" asked Marvin.

The doctor chuckled, "A tummy ache, Mr. Finster. A simple, ordinary tummy ache. Could have been caused by anything: undercooked meat, spoiled milk, too many sweets, perhaps even ingesting things that are not meant to be eaten like finger paints. He'll be fine in a day or so."

And he provided Charles with a paper bag for him to throw up into, to the disgust of Marvin and Shirley.

Eight years later, in the summer of 1968, Charles was eleven years old and had acquired a new nickname, "Chas," which he was to use from the age of ten upward. Yet one kid, Melinda, still liked to call him "Charles."

It was during this summer when Chas learned that even his big, manly father could get scared.

In August, Marvin had taken Chas out on a father-son camping trip. Here, Marvin was teaching Chas how to be brave and tough.

"Now remember, son," said Marvin. "Being a man is more than just strength; it's endurance, valor, and, above all, bravery!"

"Yes, Dad!" cried Chas.

"You're gonna lift weights, climb mountains, swim across the lake, and hunt for elk!"

"Yes, Dad…"

Chas felt uneasy. He knew that these exercises were for his own good, but he felt like they were tiring him out.

For the next few days, Marvin would have Chas gather wood, lift large branches, swim in the lake, and hunt or fish for food. This meant that they had moose on Monday, trout on Tuesday, wild boar on Wednesday, and pheasant on Thursday.

But before long, on Friday, as Chas was doing pull-up exercises on a tree with a sturdy horizontal branch, Marvin shouted, "There you go, Chas! Keep it movin'! Build up those muscles! I think I see some mustache hair growin' in! Ah, yes! Nothing can go wrong now!"

Suddenly, however, Chas was seized with a severe stomachache. He let go of the branch and fell to the ground in agony. Upon seeing this, Marvin said, not angrily, but in a worried tone, "Chas, you can't give up now! You still have ten pull-ups left! Come on!"

"Dad…" groaned Chas as he struggled to get up to his feet. "I don't feel so good…"

But as Marvin took Chas by the arm and led him to the campsite, he was dismayed to see his own son throw up on his shoes.

Thus, the camping trip was cut short. Marvin had no choice but to take Chas home, for the boy was seriously ill.

That night, when Marvin and Shirley saw Chas lying in his bed with an anguished grimace on his face, they were unsettled. Marvin turned to Shirley and told her, with guilt in his voice, "I may have pushed him a little too far."

"If that's the case," said Shirley, "I think he needs some rest. That's all he needs." And she pulled the sheets over Chas' quivering form as she kissed him goodnight and whispered, "Sleep tight, Chas. Hope you feel better soon."

And after she and Marvin had left the room, Shirley closed the door, hoping that young Chas would pull through.

But the next day, Chas didn't get any better. In fact, he had gotten worse. As soon as his parents came in, Shirley asked, "How are you this morning, Charles?"

Chas groaned, "I feel like my stomachache has spread to my right side!"

Marvin and Shirley were concerned. "He's getting worse," said Shirley.

Marvin then said, "Well, Chas, there's nothing a hearty breakfast can't treat. All you need is to eat eggs, bacon, and cinnamon pancakes, such as your mother will cook!"

"Not hungry…" moaned Chas.

Now, Marvin and Shirley were worried. Just how sick was their son?

And so, Marvin and Shirley took Chas to the hospital. There, in the waiting room, the poor kid was writhing in agony. Shirley was almost in tears upon seeing this terrible sight, while Marvin was completely frightened. Between gasps of pain, Chas could see his brave father with beads of sweat rolling down his face. Chas was startled, for he had never seen his father show any sign of fear before.

Marvin's voice was audibly shaking when he told the doctor, "My son Charles Finster is extremely ill with a severe stomachache, and my wife and I can't figure out for the life of him what's wrong with him!"

The doctor replied, "Don't worry, sir. We'll fill him in on…"

This made Marvin so panicked he screamed, "I don't have any time for this! This could be a life-or-death situation for my kid!"

The doctor, now frazzled, said to Marvin, "Okay, sir, we'll let him in."

As the doctors placed Chas on a gurney bed and rolled him down the hallways of the hospital, it was clear to Marvin that his only child was seriously ill; he feared he and Shirley might lose him.

Ironically, the easily-scared Chas showed no sign of fear in the face of his imminent death. Instead, he muttered to himself, "I'm a big, brave knight. I'm a big, brave knight. I'm a big, brave knight…"

As he was being wheeled into the hallways, Chas was so focused on reciting his mantra that he didn't even notice that his own father was trying to hold back the tears, and Marvin hardly ever cried!

Inside the emergency room, the doctors were arguing over what Chas was suffering from.

"I think he's got stomach flu!" cried one doctor.

"Is it stomach flu if the pain has shifted to the side?" asked another doctor.

"Kids get stomach flu all the time!"

"But look at this!"

The doctor arguing in favor of appendicitis pressed Chas' lower right abdomen, causing him to scream in pain!

"There! See!" he cried. "That's a sure sign of acute appendicitis! The child's appendix must be removed immediately!"

The other doctor groaned, "I don't see why you should take childhood illnesses so seriously!"

His rival gasped, "Is that what you think?"

"Yes."

"I would know from experience! My poor little boy Jimmy, may he rest in peace, had appendicitis when he was nine, but by the time I sent him to the hospital, it was too late! That's how I know this kid has appendicitis, Mr. Know-It-All!"

The doctor who had believed that Chas had stomach flu was ashamed of himself. He didn't want to condemn a patient to death via his own misdiagnosis. So, he said, "Send him to the surgeon's table."

And so, they did. As soon as he was placed on the surgeon's table, Chas looked around. He saw all kinds of sharp objects that normally would have freaked him out. But Chas knew that this was a matter of life and death, and he said to himself, "I'm a big, brave knight. I'm a big, brave knight. I'm a big, brave knight…"

As the kid spoke, the surgeons surrounded him, one of them saying, "Don't worry, young man. Everything will be all right."

With that, the surgeon placed a breather on Chas' mouth, so he could breathe in some anesthesia and fall asleep at once…

During the procedure, Chas had a dream. He found himself in his own bedroom. While he was wondering what all this meant, he heard the door open. Could this be his father?

No, instead, it was a strange-looking man. He had messy red hair and purple square-lens glasses similar to Chas' own, but in place of freckles, he had a mustache. He wore a light brown polo shirt, a red belt with a gold buckle, green high-waisted pants, and dark red shoes with brass buckles.

Chas asked the man, "Who are you?"

The man replied, "I am you."

Chas was amazed. "How can you be me?" he asked.

"I am your mirror, some thirty years from now."

Young Chas gazed at Old Chas from the feet up. He couldn't believe his eyes, but this man truly was Chas as an adult.

Amazed, Young Chas said to Old Chas, "So you're me as an adult! Tell me, what'll happen to me when I grow up?"

This question made Old Chas pause. He had to think about what to tell this eleven-year-old kid version of himself, because he had been through a lot.

Finally, Old Chas replied, "You're going to see lots of things when you grow up. You will know many happy experiences. You'll get to go to high school, drive a car, go out on your first date, graduate from college, get married, even have a kid in tow."

Young Chas was astonished, and he cried out, "Wow! Growing up must be an exciting adventure!"

"Yes, it is an exciting adventure, but also a scary one. Sometimes, tragedy will strike when you least expect it. But when push comes to shove, you will overcome these tragedies and become a happier man in the future."

"Gee, thanks, future me!"

"You're welcome, past me. Now go to sleep. Good night."

And Old Chas left the room as Young Chas went back to sleep.

When young Chas woke up, he found himself in the recovery room. He saw that he was wearing a white gown over a practically naked body. And next to his bed was a nightstand, where there was a vase full of flowers. He also felt a lot better, though, at first, he thought that was odd.

Presently, a doctor came in and said to Chas, "Charles Finster, your appendix has been taken out."

Chas then pulled up his gown, wearing only underwear beneath it, and found a scar right near his right hip.

"You had appendicitis," the doctor explained. "But consider yourself lucky. Had it been kept in a few minutes longer, the appendix would have ruptured, perhaps killing you in a day or so."

Chas was shocked at the thought. "You know," he said, "now that you mention it, I'm glad you took my appendix out. My dad looked pretty worried when he and my mom drove me to the hospital, and he's never scared!"

Later, who should enter Chas' room but his own parents, Marvin and Shirley?

Marvin asked, "Are you all right, Chas?"

Chas replied, "I'm fine. All they did was remove my appendix, and now I'm all better."

Overjoyed, Shirley cried out, "Oh, Charles, I'm so glad you're safe!"

"Mom, it's not like I was in some rapids or an avalanche. I just had appendicitis."

"But you could have died of it!"

"I know. But I was told that I was a brave young man."

His face betraying more than a hint of concern, Marvin said, "Being brave doesn't mean you have to put your life at risk."

Chas was amazed. "But you're never scared."

"Hardly ever. I was scared when the doctors sent you down the hallway and into the emergency room. Your mother and I feared we might lose you."

And with that, Marvin and Shirley both embraced their brave little boy, who returned the favor and hugged them back.

Marvin smiled as he said, "You were very brave, my boy."

Chas returned the smile, and he replied, "Yeah, I really am a big, brave knight!"

Suffering from appendicitis was a sorrow for young Charles Finster, but he would soon recover from his surgery. After a few days, he would be free to return home, on the conditions that he would not undergo strenuous activity for the next four weeks. And in September of 1968, Chas, who had known childhood joys all his life, would enter sixth grade and learn all about growing pains.


	9. At the Opera Tonight

_During their sixth-grade year, Charles, Drew, and Melinda learn that a child only comes of age emotionally when he has first wept like an adult, which, according to the teacher, usually happens when the child is 11 or 12, hence elementary school ends in sixth grade. Charles tries to prevent himself from weeping, but he hasn't counted on a certain Italian opera by Giacomo Puccini…_

_Notice that the opera scene was inspired by Sir Thomas Beecham's classic recording of Puccini's opera "La Bohême."_

September 1968: Charles Finster was now in sixth grade, his final year of elementary school and the perks that came with it, including recess. Growing up was to be a major sorrow for young Charles Finster.

What didn't help was that when Chas, Drew, and Melinda went to their sixth-grade classroom, their new teacher described coming-of-age as follows: "You who are only children now, one day, you will grow up, and it will not be anywhere near as joyful as your parents make it out to be! For whereas childhood is a time of innocence, a time of joy, adulthood is a time of unspeakable, unrelenting tragedy…"

The sixth graders all silenced themselves. They hadn't thought about that before.

The teacher continued, "During puberty, changes occur as powerful chemicals called hormones are released into the bloodstream from glands in your body, such as the pituitary gland. The process typically occurs earlier in girls than in boys, but it causes physical changes in and emotional damages to any child!

"During this year, you will experience an increase in your appetite, which could result in you gaining weight! You may become more active during the day and require more sleep at night! In time, you will even experience a very rapid change in height and weight called a growth spurt! Your muscles and bones will get larger, and your favorite clothes won't fit anymore! You may feel awkward because your hands and feet will grow faster than other parts of your body!

"Girls will develop breasts, and their hips will begin to round out! Boys' shoulders will widen, and their voices will change, sometimes cracking as they deepen! But grown-ups tend to overlook the one thing that truly separates adults from you kids: unlike children, adults weep. The first time you weep is the exact point where your childhood innocence ends… forever!"

"Our childhood innocence?" whimpered Melinda.

"Ends?" whined Drew.

"Forever?!" screamed Chas.

"Yes," said the teacher. "This typically happens to a child aged 11 or 12, and the worst part is… it can happen to anybody, so you'd better be careful… It could happen to you, or you, or…"

Chas gestured his finger to his chest with a fearful look in his eyes.

The teacher replied, "Yes. It could even happen to you before this year is out!"

"Well, it's not gonna happen to me!" said Chas to Drew and Melinda.

"Me neither," said Drew.

"Me neither," said Melinda.

"Instead," said Chas, "we're gonna maintain our childhood innocence well into our teens."

Chas, Drew, and Melinda's classmates also accepted the challenge not to weep during their sixth-grade year. But, over the course of the school year, the fates would conspire to reduce them to their first adult tears…

During recess, Chas Finster, Drew Pickles, and Melinda Cavanaugh were among the oldest kids on the playground. This meant that they got to mentor the younger kids, including fourth graders Stu Pickles and Betty Giselle, fifth graders Howard DeVille and Charlotte, and third grader Didi Kropotkin.

The younger kids were shocked when Chas, Drew, and Melinda told them what their sixth-grade teacher had told them.

"So, you're saying that you have to cry to become a man?" asked Stu.

"The correct term is 'weep,' Stu," replied Drew. "There is a difference!"

Chas said, "But none of us want to weep because we don't want to grow up. Therefore, I've set up a list for what we sixth graders shouldn't do." And as he pulled out a piece of paper, he read, "We sixth graders must not: watch any sad movies, pray before an altar, lose a beloved family member, let anyone younger than ten die, let anyone hurt our feelings, or go to the opera. All these circumstances could make a sixth grader weep like a grown man."

Stu, Betty, Charlotte, and Didi were amazed at Chas' recitation of the list, but this made Howard uncomfortable. But then, Betty's prodding him with her index finger also made him uncomfortable and almost made him cry.

As soon as Betty and Didi headed for the jungle gym, Howard cried out, "I can't take it anymore!"

"What's the matter, Howard?" asked Stu.

"Last year, in our third-and-fourth-grade classroom, Betty has been poking me and bugging me, and I'm sick of it! I feel like she hates me!"

"Of course, she hates you!" said Charlotte. "You're a total wimp, even wimpier than that Finster geek, and that's all you'll ever be!"

Poor Howard burst into tears at Charlotte's abrasive comment, but Chas, Melinda, Stu, and even Drew showed sympathy for him.

"You see, Stu," said Chas. "That's not weeping. That's crying. Howard's still a child."

Melinda then said sympathetically, "Don't cry, Howard. I'm sure that Betty's just poking you because she doesn't have the guts to say she loves you."

"Easy for you to say!" cried Howard as he dried his eyes. "You haven't been bullied to-day!"

Meanwhile, at the jungle gym, Didi and Betty were sitting at the top of the slide.

"I don't get it, Betty," said Didi. "Why are you always poking into Howard's business?"

Betty paused with a stunned look on her face. No one had ever asked her that before. But soon, she replied, "You know what I think, Deed? I like Howard."

Didi was surprised. "You like Howard?" she asked. "The very boy you keep picking on? How?"

"Well," said Betty meekly, "it's just that I don't want to admit that I like Howard. I'm a tomboy, and besides, I don't wanna tell Howard either. He's got too much goin' on in his head already!"

Didi chuckled, "That's true."

And Betty and Didi slid down the slide together.

Meanwhile, Chas, Melinda, and Drew were playing tag with Stu. Little did any of the sixth graders know that these fun times were not to last.

As the school year wore on, Chas, Melinda, and Drew were to see their classmates, one by one, weep like adults. These classmates would tell them about an old adage that the circumstances that make a sixth grader weep foretell the kind of adult life he will have.

Let's meet a typical sixth grader, say, Doug, for example, and see the number of career options he has based on how he weeps:

If Doug were to weep for the death of a child, he'll become a schoolteacher.

If Doug were to weep for the death of his father, he'll take on his father's job.

If Doug were to weep for the death of his mother, he'll take on his maternal grandfather's job. (Hey, it's an old adage! Give them a break!)

If he were to weep with guilt over a wrongdoing, he'll become a priest.

If he were to weep over a sad movie, he'll become an actor.

If he were to weep with rage over someone else's wrongdoing, he'll become a great warrior.

And if he were to weep over a tragic opera by Verdi or Puccini, an event in his adult life will reflect the ending that made him weep.

As for Chas, Melinda, and Drew, they continued to play around as all kids do. From the fourth grade upward, Melinda would invite Chas and the other kids to play all sorts of fun games. These games included tag, kickball, capture the flag, four square, and so on. Chas had always been wary about playing high-energy games, for during one game of dodgeball, Chas was hit with so many balls he had to be sent to the school nurse, and he returned to school with his arm in a cast.

During the next recess, as Chas sat on a bench watching his friends play kickball, Melinda came up to him shouting, "Hello, Charles!"

This startled Chas a little, but when he saw that it was only Melinda, he was relieved.

Melinda then said to Chas, "I'm so sorry about your broken arm."

"Nothing to cry over," said Chas. "I'll be better in a few weeks."

"In that case…" And with that, she took a red marker from her pack and drew a heart on Chas' cast.

Chas was charmed. His feelings for Melinda and vice versa were deepening…

By February 1969, more than half of Chas' classmates had already wept. Fortunately, this did not include Drew, Melinda, or Chas himself. All three had been dodging teenagers (so as to avoid getting their feelings hurt), behaving very well (so they wouldn't have to feel guilt), and avoiding sad movies (so _Old Yeller_ was out of the question). In fact, they made every effort to avoid weeping like an adult.

But one fateful day, Friday to be exact, the kids of the school between third and sixth grade went on a field trip to the Multiplex Opera House. This included not only Chas, Drew, and Melinda, but also Stu, Betty, Charlotte, and Didi, and among the responsible adult chaperones was Stu and Drew's father: "Private First Class Lou Pickles reportin' for duty!"

Didi's parents, Boris and Minka Kropotkin, joined as chaperones too.

On the way to the opera house, however, Chas noticed an absence.

"Where's Howard?" he asked.

Charlotte replied, "Our fifth-grade teacher told us he's home sick with the flu."

"Lucky him!" said Stu. "I hear the opera house is the best place for a sixth-grade boy to break into manly tears."

Drew then sharply stated, "Well, for your information, I'm planning to see an opera by Gilbert and Sullivan! Chas and Melinda will do the same thing. Right?"

"Actually," said Melinda, "a Mozart opera will be fun! Won't it, Charles?"

Chas replied, "Uh, yeah. At least, I won't end up crying at the end like if I were seeing a tragic opera."

"Of course not. Many of Mozart's operas are comedies."

"Coming to think of it, I'd be surprised if anyone wanted to see a tragedy."

Once they got to the opera house, the kids looked around to see which opera they wanted to see.

"There must be ten operas going on here," said Stu to himself.

As a matter of fact, there _were_ ten operas being staged. These operas were Verdi's _Aida_, Puccini's _La Bohême_, Bizet's _Carmen_, Gounod's _Faust_, Wagner's _Lohengrin_, Mozart's _Magic Flute_, Mozart's _Marriage of Figaro_, Verdi's _Rigoletto_, Puccini's _Madame Butterfly_, and Gilbert and Sullivan's _Pirates of Penzanze_.

Lou, Boris, and Minka gave the children their sage advice on which opera to see.

Lou said to them, "You may see any opera you want, but I recommend that you see one of the ABC operas: _Aida_, _La Bohême_, or _Carmen_."

"If it's a comic opera you want," said Minka, "try _The Magic Flute_, _The Marriage of Figaro_, or _The Pirates of Penzanze_."

"Just don't see anything by Wagner," said Boris. "He's trash!"

As the adults spoke, the kids were having their own conversation. Stu was conversing with Chas, and Didi was conversing with Betty.

"I don't get it, Chas," said Stu. "How do you sixth graders know when you've wept?"

Chas replied, "I don't know. That's really the hard part. Lots of sixth graders have tried not to weep, but they wept anyway."

"Maybe you should attend _Pirates of Penzanze_ with Drew and me. It's very comedic, I hear."

Meanwhile, Didi and Betty were talking about the Kropotkins.

"Didi," said Betty, "your parents are neat."

"Yeah," Didi replied, "but sometimes they embarrass me. One time, my mom made me wear a troll costume that I hated."

"It was just for your third-grade play. You'll be fine. Why don't we see _The Marriage of Figaro_?"

"Nah, I'd rather see _The Magic Flute_."

And so, here's the breakdown on what Chas' friends ended up seeing: Stu and Drew saw _The Pirates of Penzanze_, Melinda and Betty saw _The Marriage of Figaro_, Didi saw _The Magic Flute_, and Charlotte saw _Carmen_.

As for Chas himself, he couldn't decide which opera to see.

Presently, Lou approached him and said, "My boys may be seeing some Gilbert and Sullivan play, but true art comes in the form of Puccini!"

"I don't know, Mr. Pickles," Chas replied. "Melinda is seeing _The Marriage of Figaro_, and I'd like to see it with her."

"Why? Why no _Bohême_? That's the opera beginners would like to see."

"It's just that I don't know if it's gonna end happily or sadly."

"Well, I'm not gonna spoil the ending then, but I would like you to see _La Bohême_ at least once in your life. Might as well be when you're eleven years old."

Chas sighed, "Okay, Mr. Pickles."

Inside the auditorium where _La Bohême_ was being staged, the house was packed. Chas and Lou were in the orchestra seats as Chas said to himself, "I will not weep. I will not weep. I will not weep…"

This he continued to say until the opening music played, and the curtain rose to show two men in a Parisian garret in the 19th century. One of the men was painting upon an easel, singing:

"_Questo Mar Rosso mi ammollisce  
e assidera come se addosso  
mi piovesse in stille.  
Per vendicarmi affogo un Faraon._"

Suddenly, the painter noticed that the other guy was gazing out the window and asked, "_Che fai?_"

The man looking out the window replied in song:

"_Nei cieli bigi  
guardo fumar dai mille  
comignoli Parigi,  
e penso a quel poltrone  
d'un vecchio caminetto ingannatore  
che vive in ozio come un gran signor…_"

Chas was immediately enraptured by the musical score of the opera.

Later, the man who had been looking out the window earlier (his name was Rodolfo) was searching all over the floor for a key that a pretty young woman had dropped when he clasped her hand and sang to her tenderly in his engaging, silvery voice:

"_Che gelida manina!  
Se la lasci riscaldar.  
Cercar che giova?  
Al buio non si trova.  
Ma per fortuna  
è una notte di luna,  
e qui la luna l'abbiamo vicina…_"

The woman in turn introduced herself as Mimi, and she sang an aria in her warm, smiling voice:

"…_Ma quando vien lo sgelo  
il primo sole è mio,  
il primo bacio dell'aprile è mio!  
Il primo sole è mio.  
Germoglia in un vaso una rosa,  
foglia a foglia l'aspiro.  
Così gentil è il profumo d'un fior.  
Ma i fior ch'io faccio, ahimè,  
i fior ch'io faccio,  
ahimè non hanno odore…_"

And during the duet that ended Act I, Rodolfo and Mimi's voices blended in musical harmony that appealed to the audience:

"_Fremon già nell'anima  
le dolcezze estreme…_"

"_Tu sol comandi, amore…_"

"Brilliance! Sheer brilliance!" Lou whispered.

Chas overheard, and he couldn't agree more.

During Act II, a woman named Musetta, who was the painter's girlfriend (the painter's name was Marcello, by the way), sang a waltz that went something like this:

"_Quando men' vo,  
quando men' vo soletta  
per la via,  
la gente sosta e mira,  
e la bellezza mia  
tutta ricerca in me,  
ricerca in me da capo a piè._"

Chas and Lou both smiled, amazed, at Musetta's Waltz, and Lou said, "Now that's entertainment!"

But in Act III, Rodolfo had figured out that Mimi was very ill, so they had to break up. Mimi sang this tear-jerkingly beautiful aria:

"_Involgi tutto quanto in un grembiale  
e manderò il portiere…  
Bada, sotto il guanciale  
c'è la cuffietta rosa.  
Se vuoi… se vuoi…  
se vuoi serbarla a ricordo d'amor…  
Addio, addio senza rancor._"

As Mimi sang, Chas felt very sad. When he looked at Lou, he saw that the older man had tears running down his face. Up until that time, Chas had never seen a grown man cry before.

Lou wiped his eyes as Rodolfo sang to Mimi:

"_Dunque è proprio finita?  
Te ne vai, te ne vai, la mia piccina?_"

Finally, Act IV saw Mimi lying in bed, with Rodolfo, Marcello, Musetta, and two other men surrounding her. Mimi sang to Rodolfo:

"_Qui, amor… sempre con te!  
Le mani… al caldo… e dormire…_"

And so, she closed her eyes. By now, Lou was weeping as Rodolfo commented, "_Vedi, è tranquilla. Che vuol dire? Quell'andare e venire… Quel guardarmi cosi?_"

Rodolfo came to realize the sad truth: Mimi had died. Devastated, he cried out, "MIMI! MIMI!" And he began to weep.

Soon, Chas himself started weeping with Lou. The death of Mimi so overwhelmed him that, try as he might, he could no longer hold back the tears, now streaming down his face. Not yet twelve years old, and Chas' childhood was over.

The following Monday, at school, Chas was determined to not expose his newfound maturity to his non-weeping classmates.

Out on the playground, Melinda said to Drew, "Where's Charles?"

"I don't know," Drew replied. "I haven't been able to speak to him since Friday."

"I hope he didn't see a tragic opera last Friday," said Didi.

Stu said, "If he did, we gotta be real nice to him, so he'll be a child again."

"Good idea, Stu," said Betty.

Chas came in and said, "Hi, guys. Boy! You kids are playing some fun games!" But he stopped himself and said, "Uh, did I just exclude myself from you? Sorry."

"We're just gonna play kickball, Charles," said Didi. "Wanna join us?"

Chas replied, "I'd love to! What are friends for?"

And so, Chas played some kickball with Melinda, Drew, Stu, Didi, and Betty.

But soon, Drew noticed that Chas was acting funny. When Stu kicked the ball, Chas would say, "Whoa! Nice kick, Stu! It's just about the best kick I ever saw!"

"Uh, gee, Chas," said Stu modestly. "I just kicked a kickball."

"No really! That was a great kick!"

After the kickball game, Melinda asked, "Would you like to do something else?"

"Gee, I'd love to, but…" Chas stopped himself. Any normal kid wouldn't pass up a fun activity.

"We could go play in the jungle gym," said Betty.

"Or we could play circus," said Didi.

Then Melinda told Chas, "We're gonna have a huge dodgeball tournament this Friday! Wanna come join us?"

Chas replied, "But I'm gonna see _Carmen_ this Friday!" That's when he stopped. Did he just put his own foot in his mouth again?

That's when Drew became really suspicious. "Any normal kid wouldn't pass up dodgeball for an opera," he whispered to Stu. "I think he's hiding something."

"He is not!" cried Stu.

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

Chas became sick and tired of Stu and Drew's arguments, so he left for the benches to sit and ponder on his departed childhood.

Once he had sat down, Chas looked all around him. Out on the playground, younger kids were playing four square, dodgeball, kickball, as well as playing on the jungle gym and the swing set. Presently, however, he also noticed some listless sixth graders.

"These must be the kids who have already wept," he said to himself. Suddenly, he cried out, "WHAT AM I DOING HERE!?"

And he ran off before any of the sixth graders even noticed he was there.

Chas was hiding himself under the jungle gym, thinking about his lost childhood, when all of a sudden, Drew spotted him and shouted, "YOU!"

Chas yelped before Drew said, "What are you doing here, Chas?"

"I-I was just hiding," said Chas.

"Why are you hiding? And _what_ are you hiding?"

"What do you mean, what am I hiding? I'm not hiding anything! _You're_ hiding something! Who went and saw a Puccini opera?"

Chas stopped himself as Drew gazed at him, shocked, and asked, "What did you say? You didn't see Puccini's _La Bohême_, did you?"

Chas nodded, clearly ashamed of himself for failing the challenge. "Your dad insisted that I see _La Bohême_, and I accepted his invitation, and no one is at fault for doing so but me."

"But how?"

"I guess I got caught up in the beauty of Puccini's music, and in the tragic storyline."

"You mean you…"

"Yep. I'm no longer a child, but a young man, for I have wept over the final scene of _La Bohême_."

"Then, you've grown up…" Drew looked at Chas for a moment, and Chas looked at Drew. Then, Drew felt something he hadn't before. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he said to Chas, "Let me grow up too!"

Yes, Drew also wept his first manly tears.

Although his first manly tears were a major sorrow for young Charles Finster, his friend and classmate Drew Pickles also wept, which meant that no matter what perils they would face as adults, Chas and Drew would face them together.


	10. Melinda Turns Twelve

_In seventh grade, Charles, Drew, and Melinda have just started junior high. Not long after the school year begins, Melinda is celebrating her twelfth birthday. But she hasn't had a mother for three years. Will her father finally have the heart to tell her the truth?_

A few months went by. In June of 1969, the sixth graders graduated from elementary school. Among these graduates were Chas Finster, Drew Pickles, and Melinda Cavanaugh. Up to this point, very few of the sixth graders still hadn't wept yet, and among them was none other than Melinda Cavanaugh. How Chas and Drew congratulated Melinda, for they knew that she was still a child.

Three months later, in September, Chas, Drew, and Melinda were enrolled in Jim Jr. Junior High. During this time, Chas had started wearing braces. He and Drew had already turned twelve when they were in sixth grade, but Melinda's twelfth birthday wouldn't arrive until September 13.

She walked to school, nervous about the fact that things would be a lot different from elementary school. Sure, Chas and Drew would be by her side, but the other kids—Stu Pickles, Howard DeVille, Betty Giselle, Didi Kropotkin, and Charlotte—were still in elementary school.

By the time Melinda's twelfth birthday arrived, she was now old enough to know the truth about her mother. It was the day before Melinda's birthday, and as Chas and Drew walked to school, they came to the Cavanaughs' house. Chas knocked on the door, and Christian Cavanaugh opened the door and said, "Hello, Chas. Hello, Drew."

"Hi, Mr. Cavanaugh," said Drew.

"Do you know where Melinda is?" asked Chas.

Mr. Cavanaugh replied, "She's getting ready for school. Drew, go upstairs and wait for her." And as Drew went upstairs, Mr. Cavanaugh said to Chas, "In the meantime… uh… Chas, do you think I could talk to you for a minute… alone?"

"Okay, Mr. Cavanaugh, shoot," said Chas.

"Well, I was wondering if you could do me a favor and keep a secret."

"What do you mean? What secrets do you have?"

"You know Melinda's mom?"

"Yeah."

"I don't want her to know the truth about her mom until after her birthday party tomorrow."

"Well, okay."

"I really think it's best. It's been hard for me since I lost Melinda's mother, and she misses her too. But Melinda doesn't know the truth about what happened to her mother or how sick she really was. I fear my own daughter would rebel against me if I ever dated or got married again, so I've never loved anyone else."

"Oh, Mr. Cavanaugh," said Chas sympathetically. "I understand. When I grow up and become a parent, if my wife died right in front of me, I too would hide the truth from my kids."

"Then I trust you. You're such a fine young man."

Christian rubbed his hand into Chas' hair just as Drew and Melinda came downstairs.

"Come on, Charles!" said Melinda. "It's almost time for school!"

"Okay, Melinda," said Chas.

And Chas, Drew, and Melinda went off to Jim Jr. Junior High.

As the three kids went to their first classroom, Melinda said eagerly, "Hello, everyone."

"Hey, Melinda!" the classmates said.

For this class, Melinda got to sit next to Chas, who said, "Happy birthday, Melinda."

"Oh, Charles," said Melinda modestly. "My birthday's not 'til tomorrow."

Chas blushed bright red. "Please, call me Chas! Charles is such a geeky name!"

"Well, I loved it when we were in fourth grade, and I still love it now."

Chas sighed. Now that he was a young adult, Chas was in love with Melinda…

In the hallways, Drew was putting his textbook in his locker when he noticed that Chas was humming to himself. This made Drew very suspicious, so he approached Chas to talk to him.

"You know, Chas," said Drew. "I noticed something strange about you."

"Strange? What do you mean strange?" asked Chas.

"I mean, first you're blushing in front of Melinda, then you're writing some love poetry in your notebook, and now you're humming ad nauseum!"

"Actually, it's called 'O soave fanciulla.' It's the big love duet from Puccini's _La Bohême_."

"Gesundheit! So, what's wrong with you?"

"I… I don't even know. I mean, if it's one thing with me one day, it's another the next day. I remember wearing rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn't get contaminated with cooties."

"Not to mention that you get dizzy, you stutter worse than Porky Pig, and sometimes, _sometimes_ you burst into tears."

"W-w-w-w-w-what do you m-m-m-m-mean, D-D-D-D-Drew? I-i-i-i-is this about M-M-M-M-Melinda?"

Drew stopped for a moment, then he asked, dumbfounded, "Wait. You like Melinda?"

Chas broke into tears as he confessed, "Yes! Yes, Drew! I like her! I like Melinda! But it's a wonder she would notice a guy like me! I mean, why would anyone want to go out with a nerd like me?" And he wept into Drew's shirt.

Drew patted Chas' back, trying to comfort him as he asked, "So what are you gonna do about it?"

Drying his eyes, Chas replied, "Well, Mr. Cavanaugh is planning a surprise party for Melinda tomorrow."

Drew broke into a beaming smile and said, "Really? I'm listening…"

At Melinda's house, Chas and Drew were conversing with Mr. Cavanaugh about Melinda's surprise party.

Mr. Cavanaugh said to the boys, "I take it you remembered about Melinda's surprise birthday party tomorrow?"

"Yes, Mr. Cavanaugh," said Chas.

"I certainly know that it's at 5," said Drew.

"Why not invite your younger friends so they'll join in the party," said Mr. Cavanaugh. "Melinda would be so unhappy if the others weren't here on her special day."

And so, that evening, Chas and Drew informed Stu, Didi, Charlotte, Howard, and Betty all about Melinda's surprise party. By this point, Stu and Betty were in fifth grade, Howard and Charlotte in sixth grade, and Didi in fourth grade. It would be difficult for two junior high students to tell five grade-school kids under any other circumstances, but in this case, the kids' families lived not too far from each other, so Chas and Drew could tell their friends everything.

The next day, Chas and Drew visited Mr. Cavanaugh for the surprise party. Drew asked Mr. Cavanaugh, "How are we gonna get Melinda out of the house?"

Before Mr. Cavanaugh could answer, Chas said, "I'll think of something."

Presently, Melinda, having gotten dressed came downstairs and said to her father, "What are you and the boys up to?"

"Up to?" asked Mr. Cavanaugh.

"Up to?" asked Chas.

"Up to?" asked Drew.

"We… we…" said Mr. Cavanaugh.

With quick thinking, Chas grabbed Melinda's hand and said, "We want you to take a stroll into the park with me."

"The park?" asked Melinda. "But without my father?"

"Don't worry, Melinda," said Mr. Cavanaugh. "I'm sure you can manage with Chas by your side."

Melinda smiled as she and Chas left the house.

"Don't hurry back, Melinda, but be safe," said Mr. Cavanaugh. "Good-bye, dear."

"Good-bye, daddy," said Melinda.

But after Mr. Cavanaugh had exchanged good-byes with his daughter, and Chas and Melinda had gone to the park, Drew muttered, "I wonder if she suspects…"

"Of course not," said Mr. Cavanaugh. "Now let's prep up the surprise party."

And it wasn't long before sixth grader Howard DeVille arrived at the Cavanaugh household with a variety of lights: lamps, spotlights, even Christmas lights. He came to help Drew and Mr. Cavanaugh with the lighting.

Mr. Cavanaugh was impressed. "I really appreciate the fact that a sixth grader knows quite a bit about lighting."

"Yep," said Howard. "I brought over the lamps because lighting has been a hobby of mine since third grade, but really, when I grow up, I wanna be a director!"

"You're a wild one, DeVille," said Drew.

Presently, who should enter but fifth graders Stu Pickles and Betty Giselle, fourth grader Didi Kropotkin, and sixth grader Charlotte, the last of whom said to Howard, "All right, Mr. DeVille, I'm ready for my close-up!"

Meanwhile, in the park, Chas and Melinda were taking a fine stroll. Presently, Melinda said, "Hey, Charles, let's go to the monkey bars!"

"Monkey bars?" asked Chas. But he soon followed her.

Now, Chas, having already grown up emotionally, was having a difficult time trying to get the hang of the monkey bars. As he tried to swing from bar to bar, he ended up falling to the ground.

Melinda giggled, "No, no, Charles."

And so, she went up the monkey bars and swung from bar to bar with all the agility of an acrobat, to the envy of clumsy Chas.

A short while later, Chas and Melinda decided to play tetherball. "Can you believe that this was a favorite sport of ours when we were in fourth grade?" she asked him.

"Yeah," Chas said sheepishly.

Yet he was swift to strike the tetherball in Melinda's direction. When Melinda struck back, however, the tetherball hit Chas in the face. The result was a black eye.

"Did you wanna play something else, Charles?" asked Melinda sympathetically.

To add insult to injury, as Chas was leading Melinda home, he tripped over a stick and fell facedown into a mud puddle. Melinda couldn't help but laugh at the sight, but as Chas got up from the mud, she said, "I'm sorry, Charles. I couldn't help it! I'll get you cleaned up."

And so, she did. As Melinda washed Chas by spraying him with a hose, Chas said, "Thanks, Melinda. You know, now that I'm grown up, sometimes I think remaining a kid is a lot harder than it looks. How do you do it?"

Melinda replied, "Oh, it just comes naturally for me."

Meanwhile, at 5 pm, Mr. Cavanaugh, Stu, Drew, Didi, Charlotte, Howard, and Betty had prepped up the house for Melinda's surprise party. Prominent on the kitchen table was a birthday cake. In Mr. Cavanaugh's words, "There she is, kids. A real birthday cake with twelve candles on it, decorated with rose petals, and strawberry vanilla flavored, her and her mother's favorite!"

"Melinda should be coming with Chas right now," said Drew.

Howard, serving as the lookout, noticed Chas and Melinda, the former all wet from the hose bath. "She's here!" cried Howard.

And immediately, Mr. Cavanaugh hid himself, along with Stu, Drew, Didi, Charlotte, Betty, and Howard. Mr. Cavanaugh even shut off the lights for good measure.

"I wonder where Chas is," said Stu to himself.

Presently, Melinda opened the door and called by name, "Drew? Didi? Betty? Stu? I wonder where Daddy is."

Once Chas turned on the light, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, Betty, Howard, and Mr. Cavanaugh all sprang up and shouted, "Surprise!"

"Happy birthday, Melinda!" said Mr. Cavanaugh as he led his daughter to her birthday cake.

Melinda was pleasantly surprised. "This is the happiest day of my life! And it just keeps getting better and better!"

"Well, it was Chas' idea."

"Oh, Charles!" cried Melinda as she kissed Chas' cheek. "Thank you!"

Once Melinda had blown out the candles, she, her father, and the other guests took their seats to eat some cake, Mr. Cavanaugh sitting at one end of the table and Stu sitting at the other.

Melinda said to Stu, "Uh, I don't mean to complain, but could you move seats? That's the seat of honor."

Confused, Stu asked, "Uh, who's it for?"

Melinda replied, "It's for my mommy actually. I haven't seen her in three years, but I hope she's coming to-night!"

This made Mr. Cavanaugh quiver within himself. His daughter looked so happy, eating the cake with her friends and opening her presents (one of them was a trowel, which she would later use in her gardening). Why should he tell her now at the height of the festivities?

Because she had to learn the sad truth. That's why.

"Uh, Melinda, we need to talk," said Mr. Cavanaugh ruefully. "Can we have a moment alone?"

"Okay, Daddy," Melinda replied.

And so, Mr. Cavanaugh led Melinda to her room, leaving the other kids to wonder what was going on.

"What's Mr. Cavanaugh up to?" asked Charlotte.

"And why did he take Melinda with her?" asked Didi.

"Got me," said Betty.

Stu had an idea: "Say, Chas. You like her, don't you?"

"Yeah," said Chas.

"Well, why don't we follow her upstairs and listen in on what her father has to say to her?"

"I don't know, Stu. I think I know what Mr. Cavanaugh's gonna tell Melinda, so maybe this isn't such a good idea."

"Come on! You've said that about all my ideas since we were babies!"

Then, Chas said, "Wait a minute! I know where this is going! The same thing happens whenever you wanna do something crazy, and I know it's a bad idea! First, you say we gotta do it."

Stu replied, "Yep."

"And then I say we can't, and then you tell me a whole bunch of crazy reasons for why we gotta, and then I still say no!"

"Yep."

"And then, in the end, you talk me into doing it anyway!"

"Yep."

"So, why don't we just skip it this time, and I'll just give it a go?"

Didi, Betty, Drew, Charlotte, and Howard all nodded in agreement.

And so, all the kids went upstairs to Melinda's room, where they overheard her father talking to her.

Mr. Cavanaugh swallowed hard and finally spoke, his voice breaking: "Your mother… can't be with you anymore."

All who heard that fatal sentence were shocked, especially those who didn't know Melinda had no mother, including Howard, Betty, Didi, and Charlotte.

"Chas," said Betty. "You didn't tell me Melinda doesn't have a mom!"

With more than a hint of alarm, Melinda asked her father, "What? Why?"

Mr. Cavanaugh sighed, "Remember when I told you she was sick and had to go to the hospital?"

Melinda nodded and asked, "How sick was she?"

"Very sick, I'm afraid," he explained with tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry you had to find this out on this, your twelfth birthday, but it's best you know now, since you're in junior high and still haven't wept yet: she died tragically young when you were almost nine years old."

"But… she can't be dead! She's coming here tonight! I made a wish that she could!"

By now, tears were rolling down her father's face. "I'm sorry, Melinda, but you will never see your mother again."

Now, Melinda was grief-stricken. "Oh, no! No! I can't believe it! No! No!"

And with that, she thrust herself on her pillow and began to weep. Her first womanly tears. Her father tried in vain to console her.

Chas, overhearing Melinda's sobs, almost wept himself as he said to Stu, "And only a few minutes earlier, she was so happy."

All the kids felt sorry for Melinda as she wept. Even Charlotte was sad for her. Everyone knew that it had to come eventually, and it did, right on her twelfth birthday. Melinda Cavanaugh's childhood was over.


	11. High School Drama

High School Drama

_Fast-forward to Charles in high school. Here, Charles, Drew, and Melinda are in tenth grade. Here, a ninth-grade beauty named Charlotte starts picking on Charles for being a geek and tries to make Melinda into a pretty girl so all the men will like her. But when Melinda is being harassed by a certain Rex Pester, it's up to Charles to stand up for the young lady!_

_Kudos to PerkyGoth14 for inspiring my fanfiction._

Several years went by. Chas, Drew, and Melinda were attending Eucaipah High School. Chas' voice had deepened when he was in eighth grade, and the same was true for Drew's voice. In 1972, Chas, Drew, and Melinda were in tenth grade. Howard and Charlotte were in ninth grade. As for Stu, Didi, and Betty, they were all in junior high, and Stu hadn't even wept yet.

As for Melinda, she was still coming to terms with the fact that her mother was dead and her childhood was history. Because her mother and her mother's father had been gardeners, Melinda decided to take up gardening, and she enjoyed it very much. Already, she had planted a flowerbed in memory of her mother.

During sophomore year, Chas was starting to grow a mustache. But beginning in freshman year of 1971-72, Chas was being severely bullied at high school. The fact that he had just started breaking out in zits didn't help.

"Geek bait," they called him. "Pizza face! Geeky pizza face!"

Still, he had Drew and Melinda by his side, _especially_ Melinda. Whenever she saw a teenager picking on Chas, she would step up to the teen and shout at him, "Hey! Quit picking on Charles, you bully!"

"And why should I?" asked the bully.

Melinda replied, "Because if you don't, you will find yourself… in a pile of dirt!"

The bully boy dropped Chas at once and fearfully cried, "No! Not dirt! I hate getting dirty! Do you know how long it takes a guy to take a shower?!" And he ran off screaming, to the amusement of Melinda.

One Saturday morning, in October 1972, Melinda was tending to her garden when freshman Charlotte came along. While Melinda was a modest beauty, Charlotte was a stunner. Blonde and blue-eyed, she had first wept when she was in fifth grade (one grade ahead of schedule) and had attained her womanly graces during junior high. This made her attractive to every male in high school, sometimes forcing casual friends to fight among themselves.

When she saw Melinda harvesting some vegetables, Charlotte greeted her, "Hi, Melinda."

Melinda heard Charlotte and said, "Oh, hi, Charlotte."

"What are you doing? Aren't you worried you'll get… I dunno… filthy?"

"I've told you before, Charlotte," Melinda said, turning to her garden. "I don't mind dirt. I grew up on a farm. So, what brings you here? Aren't you going on a date with Drew?"

"Not today. By the way, I just noticed something: you don't have a boyfriend of your own."

"So?"

"So, perhaps a makeover will do you a world of good!"

"But what's wrong with how I look?"

"Nothing personal, dear," said Charlotte as she looked at Melinda's dirt-covered hands, "but you could use a manicure, and my older sisters should give you a haircut and some nice clothes."

"Charlotte, I think I'm fine just the way I am."

"But who likes a girl just for the way she is?"

"Well, Charles thinks I'm perfect the way I am."

"That geeky pizza face? What does he know? Come on, I'll make you the girl of every man's dreams!"

So, Charlotte grabbed Melinda's arm and, refusing to take no for an answer, dragged her to the mall.

"And just in time," said Charlotte. "My birthday's coming up, you know. Oh, Stella!"

Stella was one of Charlotte's older sisters. She looked a lot like Charlotte, but she was a brunette, and she wore all kinds of jewelry: bracelets, gold earrings, a pearl necklace, you name it! And she was even prettier than Charlotte.

Charlotte introduced Stella and Melinda to each other, "Melinda, this is my sister Stella. Stella, this is Melinda Cavanaugh, a friend from school. She's in dire need of clothes. Can you help her?"

"Really, Charlotte, I'm fine," Melinda tried to explain.

But Charlotte interrupted, "Oh, no, you're not." She whispered to her sister, "The poor girl has very low self-esteem. You'd better find something that'll make the boys' jaws drop every time they see her!"

Stella nodded and went off to look for proper clothes for Melinda.

Needless to say, Melinda did not agree with Charlotte's plan. "Is this really necessary?" she asked Charlotte.

"Yes. You'll be fine," Charlotte replied, thinking of how beautiful Melinda would look.

A moment later, Stella arrived with a white blouse that had puffy sleeves. Charlotte snapped, "Stella, what are you thinking?! You know you're not supposed to wear white after Labor Day!"

Realizing her mistake, Stella dashed off to find a better outfit for Melinda. Then, she came back with a pink blouse and asked, "How's this?"

Melinda shuddered at the color pink. But Charlotte cried out, "That's perfect! She'll look like a living Cynthia doll!"

But as Charlotte dressed Melinda in the blouse, Melinda asked, "What's a Cynthia doll?"

"You never heard of Cynthia?! Those dolls have been out for over a decade!"

Melinda shrugged apologetically.

Charlotte couldn't believe it. "Then, you've really missed out! When I get married and have kids, I'll buy my daughter every Cynthia doll in the world!"

Then, she said, "Well, time to get your hair done!" And she dragged Melinda off to her other sister's hair salon.

Charlotte's other older sister was Claire. She also looked a lot like Charlotte, but she had red hair that was styled to look luxurious.

Claire washed Melinda's hair with water, scrubbed it with shampoo, and dried it with her hair dryer. After she was finished, she experimented with several hairstyles: a mohawk, braided pigtails, beehive, dreadlocks… Charlotte oversaw the styles and only accepted what she thought suited Melinda best.

Finally, Claire gave Melinda a hairstyle with shoulder-length hair. "There," she said, handing Melinda her hand mirror. "It really shows your freckles. What do you think, doll?"

Melinda looked at herself and smiled a little. "It's actually not so bad."

"Oh, I just knew you'd like it!" Charlotte cried cheerfully. "Now, it's time to get your nails done!"

And so, Charlotte and Melinda got their nails done. Charlotte picked strawberry surprise, while Melinda picked ruby red. Melinda wasn't one for manicures, but this was actually pretty relaxing. And once the girls' nails were done, Charlotte declared, "Now, you're ready for the boys!"

That Monday, Melinda and Charlotte went to their Eucaipah High School.

"Are you ready for your début, Melinda?" Charlotte asked.

"I guess so, Charlotte…" Melinda sighed, still feeling her makeover was totally unnecessary. She always wanted a boy to like her for who she was and not for her looks. Chas seemed to like her for who she was, but she wondered how he would react to seeing her all dressed up like a teen beauty pageant contestant.

Charlotte gave a beaming smile and opened the doors for all the students in the hallway to see. They were all instantly drawn to her. Even Drew, who was Charlotte's boyfriend, seemed to fall in love with her. He came to her and said, "Hey, Melinda. Can I carry your books for you?"

"Um… that's okay, Drew…" said Melinda apologetically.

Another sophomore barged in and shouted at Drew, "Hey! I saw her first!"

"Ah, get lost, ya loony!" said Drew.

"No, _you_ get lost!"

"No, you!"

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

But while the two youths were fighting, Melinda was looking everywhere for Chas. He seemed to have been lost in the crowd.

Meanwhile, Charlotte was pleased at all the attention Melinda was given, but she soon noticed that the young lady was missing. "Hey, where'd she go?" she asked.

Melinda managed to get away from the crowd, and she finally found Chas in the school library. He had barricaded himself in what seemed to be a book fort against the hostile and merciless teenage bullies. But she could tell it was him from his asthmatic sighs. "Oh, there you are…" she said in a hushed tone.

"Hi, Melinda," said Chas nervously. "I was just… catching up on my reading…"

Melinda said to him, "You feel lonely, don't you?"

Chas sighed, then he looked at her and frowned. "Melinda, you look different. Why are you wearing all those flashy clothes?"

"To make a long story short, it was Charlotte's idea. I don't really like this stuff, but she insisted that I'll never catch myself a man if I didn't dress like this."

"Oh, Melinda… You don't need all this stuff to be beautiful. You're already pretty without the purses, the makeup, or the dresses."

Melinda smiled fondly at Chas. "Oh, Charles! Thank you!"

Chas blushed bright red. "I-it's true, Melinda."

Suddenly, the school bell rang. "Whoops! We'd better get to class!" said Chas as he stood up.

"I hope our classmates don't get too distracted to-day," said Melinda as she also stood up. "Do you mind walking me to class, Charles?"

"Not at all," Chas smiled, and he and Melinda walked arm-in-arm to Mrs. Guppie's class.

In the classroom, many of the students couldn't believe that Charles Finster, the school geek with braces on his teeth and pimples all over his face, got the most beautiful girl in school.

"I can't believe Nosebleed Finster won a girl like that!" scoffed one teenage boy.

"I know! Finster and Melinda?" snickered another.

This laughter embarrassed Chas, causing Melinda to glare at the two bullies.

Later, Chas and Melinda were walking down the hallways when he asked her, "I don't get it, Melinda. Why did you get yourself all dolled up? I like your new hairdo, but I thought you looked beautiful even before you got the new clothes and makeup."

"Like I said," Melinda replied, "all this was Charlotte's idea."

"Oh, Charlotte! You should see her at fundraisers! She goes nuts with sales pitches!"

Melinda was laughing at the thought, when presently, she heard an oily voice creeping behind her: "Hey, girl! I can show you a good time!"

Disgruntled, Melinda turned around to see Rex Pester, now the head of the school newspaper. He always thought of himself as a ladies' man, but all the girls knew better: he was arrogant, obnoxious, annoying, and immature! Melinda had every right to say to Rex a phrase she wouldn't normally say: "Get lost."

Rex grabbed her wrists and growled, "That's no way to talk! You know you want a guy like me!"

"For your information, Rex, I've always had my eyes set on the nicest, funniest, and best guy in school."

"Yeah? Who?"

"Charles Finster."

Rex let her go and cackled, "That geeky pizza face?!" Then he wrapped his arm around the struggling Melinda as he sneered, "That's a good one! I never knew a girl with such a sense of humor!"

Melinda growled at Rex, trying to get away from him, "Let me go!"

"Come on, girl! Let's take a ride on the wild side! You'll have much more fun with me than that pizza face Finster could ever give you!"

"LET ME GO!" snapped Melinda, but she soon found out that escaping from Rex's clutches was harder than sprinting after a greased pig on Christmas vacation.

Now, normally, Chas would keep himself out of confrontations. After all, he was a frail, nerdy teenager, while Rex looked so much stronger and healthier. But this was an emergency. Rex was trying to hit on Melinda, and Chas didn't like that at all!

"Hitting on a sweet, innocent young lady?" he snarled. "Not on my watch!"

Only then did Rex let go of Melinda. He stepped up to Chas and said sinisterly, "What is it you want, geek bait?"

Chas growled, "How dare you attack Melinda like that?"

"Come on, Chas. The ladies like me."

"No, they don't! They hate you! And when you approach them, they're all afraid of you!"

"Don't make me laugh! If Melinda is afraid of me, then I won't take 'no' for an answer!"

Now that Rex was leering towards the quivering Melinda, Chas was furious! Whatever Rex was planning to do to Melinda, Chas would not let him! It didn't matter to the red-haired teen if Rex would have snapped him like a toothpick! He wasn't gonna let Rex so cruelly mistreat the poor young lady!

And so, with a great cry of rage, Chas tackled Rex! It was a long and terrible fight. Both youths wrestled with each other, to the astonishment of all who saw it, including Drew and Charlotte.

Finally, just as Rex was about to punch Chas in the face, Chas grabbed Rex's fist and punched _him_ in the face so hard that by the end of the fight, Rex's nose was bleeding. Everyone, especially Drew, was amazed at the sight.

"In all these years," said Drew to Charlotte, "I never knew that Chas could fight like that."

Well, Chas' father had taught him how to defend himself and people he cared about. Chas might as well have made good use of this advice.

Later still, Chas and Melinda were walking home from school when she asked him, "So, are you in trouble for beating up Rex?"

"Yeah," said Chas. "But it's just a week's detention starting next Monday. It's all worth it if it means you're safe."

"And what happened to Rex?"

"What I got was a slap in the wrist compared to him! He was expelled. Last time I saw him he was freaking out over his precious school newspaper without him as its editor in chief! Ah, too bad!" But Chas didn't really show any sympathy for Rex; he knew that Rex got what was coming to him.

Melinda again turned to Chas and asked, "Do you really think I'm pretty, even with all the other guys wanting to go out with me?"

Chas replied sheepishly, "Well, I always have, ever since the fourth grade. I-I'd like to go out with you, but… maybe you're too pretty. Who'd wanna go out with a plain thing like me?"

"Charles, you know I don't care about looks. I believe the person on the inside matters. You're a sweet and generous young man, and helpful too. Any girl would be lucky to have you. I mean, we all know Betty, that strong and athletic eighth grader from Jim Jr. Junior High. She likes our spineless freshman Howard."

Chas was surprised, and he said, "Really? She's always picking on him."

"That's how some girls say they like a guy," said Melinda as she shrugged. "Wasn't there any girl who picked on you all the time as their way of liking you?"

Chas sighed, "No, whenever someone picks on me, it's because I'm a nerd."

"Well, it shows what they know. You're really smart and an all-around great guy. Just remember that I've always liked you since the day we first met."

Chas chuckled a little at that.

"By the way," said Melinda. "Thank you for saving me."

"You're welcome," Chas replied modestly.

Before long, Chas and Melinda were home again. As Chas returned to the Finsters' house, Melinda looked back at him with a smile. Then as she went to her own house, she glanced at Betty, who kept poking Howard in the arm as he begged her to stop. He must not have known that she liked him yet.

Chas really liked Melinda, and she liked him back. Yes, they were very different, but in this case, opposites attract.


	12. The Non-Weeper

_When Charles, Drew, and Melinda are in eleventh grade, Stu and Betty have become freshmen. Even by this point, Stu still hasn't wept yet. Consequently, he still acts like an elementary-school child trapped in a high-school freshman's body. The solution to this situation comes in the form of a working time machine…_

Nearly a year went by, and even something as momentous as the Rex Pester Affair, as it came to be called by future high schoolers, would soon be forgotten.

For in 1965, when Stu Pickles was only six or seven years old, his father Lou let him and Drew watch some TV. "It's the _Bell Telephone Hour_," said Lou. "They're staging excerpts from _Carmen_."

Of course, Drew, being eight years old at the time, was bored out of his skull. But Stu, although even younger, was immediately engaged as Robert Merrill sang the famous "Toreador Song":

"_Votre toast, je peux vous le rendre  
Senors, senors, car avec les soldats  
Oui, les toreros peuvent s'entendre  
Pour plaisirs, pour plaisirs ils ont les combats!  
Le cirque est plein, c'est jour de fête  
Le cirque est plein du haut en bas,  
Les spectateurs, perdant la tete,  
Les spectateurs s'interpellent a grand fracas! _

_Apostrophes, cris et tapage  
Pousses jusques a la fureur!  
Car c'est la fete du courage,  
C'est la fete des gens de coeur!  
Allons! en garde! Allons! Allons! Oh!_

_Toreador, en garde, Toreador, Toreador!  
Et songe bien, oui, songe en combatant  
Qu'un oeil noir te regarde,  
Et que l'amour t'attend,  
Toreador, l'amour t'attend!_

_Toreador, en garde, Toreador, Toreador!  
Et songe bien, oui, songe en combatant  
Qu'un oeil noir te regarde,  
Et que l'amour t'attend,  
Toreador, l'amour t'attend!_"

As they watched this scene together, Lou thought, "Stu's only six years old. A scene from an opera can't possibly make an impression…"

In September 1973, Chas, Drew, and Melinda were juniors at Eucaipah High School. Howard and Charlotte were sophomores. Chas' braces had been removed because he no longer needed them. Melinda had stopped wearing fancy clothes and using make-up, which she didn't like anyway.

"But why drop the look?" asked Charlotte as she applied her lipstick. "It makes you popular."

"It garners unwanted attention from the wrong guys," Melinda told her. "And besides, you're popular enough."

"Trust me, honey, popularity and looks are everything, as Drew here would know."

"That's right, Melinda," Drew said. "I've been dating Charlotte for about a year now."

Melinda said to the two, "But I'm happy the way I am. After all, there's this one guy who doesn't care how I look. He loves me just the way I am."

"Yeah? Who?" asked Charlotte.

"Well, Charles, of course."

Drew and Charlotte laughed until tears came to their eyes. "What does Chas know?" asked Drew as he wiped a tear from his eye. "Remember our fourth-grade play? He was a tree!"

"He was a willow!" Melinda replied.

"He was a tree," Charlotte said. "Drew said so."

Presently, Melinda noticed a crowd of high-school students standing by the doorway. "What's going on here?" she asked.

"Looks like the freshmen are coming!" said Drew. "It's the first day of school, so this gives me the opportunity to pick on the freshmen."

"But normally, the freshmen aren't given this much attention," said Charlotte. "What's going on?"

So, Drew, Charlotte, and Melinda entered the crowd, who was singing a triumphant chorus:

"_Hurrah, hurrah the non-weeper!  
Hurrah, hurrah the non-weeper!  
Hurrah, hurrah for Stu Pickles!  
Hurrah, hurrah for Stu Pickles!  
Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!_"

Melinda saw Chas among the crowd, singing with them, and she asked him, "What's happening, Charles?"

Chas replied, "Don't you see? Stu Pickles has gone through both sixth grade and junior high without ever weeping!"

Drew was excited, and he cried out, "I hope he cares to drink a Coca-Cola with us! And may my kid brother continue to remain a kid at heart as long as he lives!"

Finally, the freshmen arrived, among them Stu Pickles and Betty Giselle. Stu looked particularly fetching because he wore a black bullfighter costume with gold sequins, a reddish-brown cap, and his old red blanket from childhood to represent his matador cape. The high-school students, all of whom had already grown up emotionally, cheered for Stu, the non-weeper, with the following refrain:

"_Hurrah, hurrah the non-weeper!  
Hurrah, hurrah the non-weeper!  
Hurrah, hurrah for Stu Pickles!  
Hurrah, hurrah for Stu Pickles!  
Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!_"

Stu was so proud of himself for retaining his childhood innocence all the way through junior high that he sported a beaming smile and gave a low gracious bow that charmed all the girls among the students, even Melinda and Charlotte.

Finally, Stu played an instrumental version of the "Toreador Song" on a record player he had brought from home and started to sing in a rich baritone voice that belied his near-fifteen years:

"_Listen, all high-schoolers, weep no more, for I  
Have come to bring some joy into this school!  
Yes, we toreros are always happy,  
'Cause for pleasure we do all the things that are cool!  
Every day will be a holiday, for up  
Until this time, you all knew naught but woe.  
But once you see me play with my blanket,  
You guys won't refrain yourselves from shouting, 'Bravo!'_

_Do not jeer me, instead cheer me,  
For I have remained a child at heart!  
As sure as a boy grows up to manhood,  
So my childhood shall not depart!  
Allons! en garde! Allons! Allons! Oh!_

_I am a freshman, yet I'm still a boy!  
I've never wept! Ah, what a joy!  
Yet I look just like a manly stud!  
You could be my best bud!  
Although my chest is wide, and my voice is deep,  
I shall never weep!_"

And the high-school students all sang together:

"_He is a freshman, yet he's still a boy!  
He's never wept! Ah, what a joy!_"

As they fawned over him, Stu sang joyfully:

"_Yet I look just like a manly stud!  
You could be my best bud!  
Although my chest is wide, and my voice is deep,  
I shall never weep!_"

Presently, Melinda sang, "_L'amour!_"

Stu replied, without meaning it, "_L'amour!_"

Charlotte sang, "_L'amour!_"

Stu replied, again without meaning it, "_L'amour!_"

As Didi passed by the high school, on her way to Jim Jr. Junior High, she sang at a distance, "_L'amour!_"

Stu noticed Didi at that distance, and this time, he meant it when he sang, "_L'amour!_"

And the student body sang:

"_He's never wept! He's still a boy!  
Ah, what a joy!_"

And they carried Stu on their shoulders as he smiled and clutched his red blanket. Stu Pickles became an immediate hit among the student body of Eucaipah High School.

By the time most of the students had left for the gym to give Stu a hearty welcome, only Chas, Melinda, Drew, Charlotte, and Betty were left. When Chas and Drew saw that Melinda and Charlotte were still entranced, they snapped the girls out of it.

"Melinda? Melinda?" said Chas as he got Melinda's attention.

"Charlotte!" shouted Drew to get Charlotte's attention.

"Oh, sorry, Charles," said Melinda.

"Sorry, Drew," said Charlotte. "It's just that, Stu's never wept in his life!"

Drew replied, "It's true. It's all true. My kid brother never wept when he was in sixth grade, and he never wept when he was in junior high."

"Is that even possible?" Melinda asked Chas. "I mean, I didn't weep until I was in seventh grade."

"It's sad, really," Betty said. "Stu not weeping so far? I mean, the first time I wept happened right on schedule. It was in October of sixth grade when I saw Didi being picked on by the school bully. He was an intimidating boy who was twice Deed's size, and I heard her screaming as he tried to beat her up. Tears ran down my face as I saw this, but they were tears of rage! How dare he pick on my best friend like that! So I shouted, 'You!'

"The bully laughed his head off as he shouted, 'What do you want, Butch?'

"I was furious! 'Let Didi go, ya big yutz!'

"'And if I don't?' The bully laughed some more.

"I was so enraged by the bully's taunts that I leapt towards the bully and rammed him in the gut, with my skull! This made the bully very sick to his stomach, and from then on, he thought twice about pickin' on Didi with me around.

"But for the moment, although Didi wasn't too badly hurt, I couldn't help but feel so sorry for her that I wept on her shoulder as she tried to comfort me."

Chas, Melinda, Drew, and Charlotte all looked at Betty in sympathy as she continued, "For the rest of the school year and all through junior high, Stu never wept. The rest of us tried everything. We tried reading him a sad book, but he left the room before we could finish it. We tried taking him to see a sad movie, but he got up and left within the first five minutes. Finally, we tried taking him to the Multiplex Opera House to see _La Bohême_, but he fell asleep in Act III and didn't wake up until the opera was all over."

Betty sighed, "Looks like Stu's gonna remain a kid forever."

As the months went by, both Chas and Drew eyed Stu, now the most popular kid in school. Stu could easily be distinguished from the other high-school students because of his matador costume and bright red blanket.

One day, October 23, to be exact, Drew decided to confront his own little brother. "Stu!" he screamed.

"What's the matter, Drew?" asked Stu innocently.

"What is going on with you?! First, you make a big entrance singing 'Toreador' in front of the student body! Next, you try to steal my girl Charlotte! And now, you're waving your little blanket all over the school! What's the big idea?"

"Whoa, whoa, Drew. I wasn't trying to steal Charlotte away from you. I was only flirting with her. There is a difference."

"Well, that's just as bad because I saw her first. Now, grow up and weep like a man!"

"Never!"

"Aw, get lost, Stuart!"

"No, _you_ get lost, Andrew!"

"No, you!"

"No, you!"

This made Drew get as mad as a bull in front of a matador's cape. And Drew seemed to make bovine noises as he ran towards Stu, who, with quick thinking, waved his red blanket at Drew and thrust it out of the way as Drew ran past him.

The student body spontaneously shouted, "OLÉ!"

Howard and Betty saw the whole thing. Betty muttered, "When I become a mom, I hope my kids don't argue like that."

"Especially if they came out as twins," Howard added jokingly.

"Don't joke," said Betty as she glanced at him with a smile.

Later that day, Chas approached Stu and asked him, "Stu, may I ask you a question?"

Stu laughed and said, "Ask me anything!"

"Well, it's that you seem to be particularly loud and flashy to-day, which is saying something because you've been pretty loud and flashy since September."

"That's because to-day is my fifteenth birthday!"

"And you haven't wept yet?"

"Certainly not!"

Chas sighed, "You should consider yourself lucky. Melinda wept just a little late, Charlotte wept early, and I wept right on schedule, you haven't wept at all!"

"Indeed, I am lucky!" shouted Stu with joy. "After all, what are the odds of a kid reaching high school without ever weeping a single tear?!"

"Very unlikely…"

Poor Chas. He envied Stu for remaining a kid well into his first year of high school, while Chas himself had wept his first manly tears when he was in sixth grade. Still, he and Melinda didn't want to hurt Stu's feelings, so he said, "Congratulations, Stu."

"Yes, congratulations, and happy birthday," said Melinda.

Stu grinned with all the goofiness of a kid with a ten-year-old's outlook and a fifteen-year-old's body build.

That night, at the Pickles' residence, Lou Pickles was hosting Stu's fifteenth birthday party, with Stu as the honoree, Drew as the honoree's brother, and Chas, Melinda, Howard, Betty, Didi, and Charlotte as the guests. To celebrate the fact that Stu had gone through fifteen years without tears, the guests ate birthday cake and ice cream, with Coca-Cola to wash it all down.

But first, Chas said, "A toast! To Stu Pickles and his childlike outlook on life!"

"And may he remain a kid at heart for fifteen years more!" Lou added. Then he said to himself, "Hey, I like the sound of that… 'fifteen.'"

One of Stu's birthday presents was a pitch pipe. This gave Chas the opportunity to sing a toast. "Give me an F, Stu!" he cried.

And Stu sounded an F on his pitch pipe, after which Chas began to sing in a surprisingly excellent tenor voice:

"_Let every good fellow, now join in this song,  
Vive la compagnie!  
Success to each other, and pass it along,  
Vive la compagnie!_

_Vive la, vive la, vive l'amour.  
Vive la, vive la, vive l'amour.  
Vive l'amour, vive l'amour,  
Vive la compagnie!_

_A friend on your left, and a friend on your right…_"

The guests sang with him:

"_Vive la compagnie!_"

"_In love and good fellowship, let us unite…_"

"_Vive la compagnie!_"

Chas and the guests all sang:

"_Vive la, vive la, vive l'amour.  
Vive la, vive la, vive l'amour.  
Vive l'amour, vive l'amour,  
Vive la compagnie!_

_Vive la, vive la, vive l'amour.  
Vive la, vive la, vive l'amour.  
Vive l'amour, vive l'amour,  
Vive la compagnie!_"

Stu laughed heartily with joy as he said, "You really got me there, guys! Thank you!"

But this laughter was not to last…

_To be continued…_


	13. Yet Another Christmas Carol

_In the "Christmas Carol" segment, imagine that Scrooge sounds like Tony Jay, Bob Cratchit looks like Charles Finster, Jacob Marley sounds like Tim Curry, the Ghost of Christmas Past looks like Tommy Pickles, the Ghost of Christmas Present sounds like Brian Blessed, and Tiny Tim looks like Chuckie Finster._

It was in December 1973, only a few days before Christmas vacation, when a fateful event in the life of Stu Pickles was to occur.

During this time, Stu, still dressed in his matador costume, still carrying his red blanket around, was attending an invention convention with Chas. Among the inventions were an automatic bottle washer, a ping-pong ball server, and, from one Italian exchange student, a kids' toy powered by a cold fusion generator.

Chas turned to Stu and said, "I don't know, Stu. Maybe this cold-fusion generator thing isn't such a good idea."

"Are you sure, Chas?" asked Stu. "All ideas for toys are good ideas!"

Presently, Stu shouted, "Hey, look!"

And an honors student named Willie Warp came to the stage with something large under a sheet. He stepped to the podium and said, "Ladies and gentlemen! Have you ever wondered what life was like in the distant past?! Well, wonder no more! I present to you…" As he pulled the sheet he uncovered, as he called it, "…the Wee Willie Warp Time Translator! It's a real working time machine!"

Some of the teens snickered.

Willie then said, "Allow me to demonstrate! I'm gonna need two volunteers from the audience."

At that point, most of the teens remained silent…

…except for Stu, who cried out, "Ooh! Check it out!" And he grabbed Chas by the wrist and dragged him to the stage.

"How about a nice big round of applause for two great sports?" said Willie as the teens applauded for Stu.

"Hail to the non-weeper!" they cried. "Hail to the Eternal Child!"

Stu said to Chas, "You see, just as Rome is the Eternal City and God is our Eternal Father, so I am the Eternal Child!"

"So tell me," said Willie to Stu and Chas, "when would you like to go? My Time Translator is in demo mode, so you only have three options: Ancient Greece, Medieval England, or Victorian London."

As Stu pondered his options, Chas said to him, "I-I just don't know, Stu. Is Willie sure this time-travel stuff is really safe?"

"Course it is, Chas!" Stu replied. "Just as long as we don't disturb the past!" He then turned to Willie and said, "Two tickets to Victorian London, please!"

"Ah, the time of Charles Dickens," sighed Willie. "Just step into the machine, and I'll pull the switch. And within a few seconds, you will be in London in the year 1843!"

And so, once Stu and Chas were inside the Time Translator, Willie set the dial to "London, 1843," and with a few beeps and many bright sparks, both Stu and Chas had disappeared.

Now, everyone was concerned. One teen asked, "Will Stu ever come back?"

Willie replied, "Worry no more. Stu and Chas will be back in a few hours. This will give them enough time to meet up with Charles Dickens, the author of _A Christmas Carol_."

At this point, everyone cheered. Stu the Non-Weeper was going to visit _the_ Charles Dickens!

Meanwhile, in 1843, Stu and Chas were roaming the streets of Victorian London, looking for Charles Dickens. Chas was dressed in authentic Victorian costume (sharp suit, bow tie, top hat, etc.), but Stu was still in his matador costume, still clinging to his red blanket.

Chas was miffed at Stu, and he said, "Is this really necessary, Stu? If you're gonna visit Christmastime in Victorian England, you gotta get with the program and wear the right costume!"

"I need this!" retorted Stu.

"Well, just because you still haven't wept yet doesn't mean you can just swagger around looking like Escamillo all the time!"

"Chas, I happened to see Robert Merrill sing the Toreador Song on TV when I was six-and-a-half! Who are you to judge?"

As Stu and Chas were thus bickering over costume choice, they bumped into a man who at 31 years old was still young.

As soon as Stu and Chas got up, Chas said to the man, while affecting an English accent, "Pardon me, sir. My poor friend and I didn't mean to bump into you."

The man raised an eyebrow upon seeing Stu's matador costume and asked, "Your friend?"

"Yes, he really is a bit of a nutter. He thinks he's a great bullfighter from Spain."

Stu was annoyed at Chas' story.

The man said to the two teens, "Well, why don't you young men follow me to my house? It's rather warmer there."

And the man led Stu and Chas to his house.

There, Stu and Chas were drinking some hot tea, when they noticed that the man was writing something.

"Gee, I wonder what he's writing?" said Stu to Chas.

Chas said, "Goodness, Stu, you're always so curious!"

"Well, let Uncle Stu do the talking!"

Chas muttered with a deadpan expression on his face, "I'm 18 months older than you."

Stu approached the man and asked him, "Excuse me, sir. What are you writing?"

The man replied, "Only my latest work in a string of previous successes."

"Uh, what's it called?"

The man paused, and he said, "I'm not quite sure what to call it yet, but it will be a ghost story of Christmas."

Suddenly, it came to Stu, and he asked Chas, "Does he mean _A Christmas Carol_?"

"Uh-huh," Chas replied.

"Then… this man is…" Stu was so enraptured he gave a good long scream! Then he greeted the man as, "Charles Dickens! I'm delighted to meet you, sir! I am a huge fan! Huge, huge fan!"

Charles Dickens was surprised. "Then, you've read my _Oliver Twist_?"

"Oh, sure, sure," said Stu, "but it's your…"

Before Stu could continue, Chas interrupted him, saying, "Now, now, my friend." Chas turned to Charles Dickens and said, "I'm dreadfully sorry, Mr. Dickens. My friend rather is quite mad."

This made Stu mad. "Chas!" he cried out. "I am talking to the single greatest author in human history, and you go ahead and call me 'mad'?"

"Well, I don't want you messing up with the past," said Chas.

"Come on, Chas. At least let me read the manuscript."

"Go ahead," said Charles Dickens. "I can't quite figure out how to end it properly."

"Oh, come on," cried Stu as he grabbed the manuscript to read it. "How hard can it be to end a good story?"

And as Stu read, he envisioned the characters in his mind. Scrooge, the grouchy Christmas-hating cheapskate, was standing by the window. Bob Cratchit, his long-suffering clerk, was writing at his desk.

Scrooge muttered under his breath, "Bah, humbug! What is it but a time for finding yourself a year older and not an hour richer? If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should."

Bob Cratchit then said, "Um, Mr. Scrooge?"

"What is it, Cratchit?!" snapped Scrooge.

"Would you mind if I took Christmas Day off?"

"What on earth for?"

"Well, because it's Christmas Day."

Scrooge thought it over a while, then he let out a frustrated sigh. "A poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every twenty-fifth of December, but I suppose so."

As soon as the tight-fisted, covetous old sinner left the counting house, and as soon as Bob Cratchit was sure his boss was gone, Bob Cratchit cheered and ran along his merry way home.

Stu read on, and once he got to the part with Jacob Marley's ghost, he thought he heard a terrible sound, like the rattling of chains. Suddenly, the ghost of Jacob Marley burst in, covered with chains, padlocks, cash boxes, even a piggy bank or two.

Scrooge looked up and said, "Jacob, is that you?"

Marley replied, "Do you doubt your senses?"

"The slightest disorder can make them cheat! You may be a bit of undigested beef, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato! There's more of gravy than of grave about you!"

Stu couldn't help but snicker in spite of himself.

But Marley let out a howl that snapped Stu out of his laughter and Scrooge out of his doubts. And he cried out, "Business! Mankind was my business! The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. But I did none of these."

Shuddering, Scrooge stuttered, "You are in chains. Tell me why."

"I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link, and yard by yard. I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to you? Or would you know the weight and length of the strong coil you bear yourself?"

Scrooge was still shaking when Chas asked Stu, "Why are you reading Charles Dickens' manuscript?"

Stu shushed Chas and replied, "I'm at the part where Scrooge is haunted by three spirits."

Indeed, as Stu read the manuscript, he could visualize the Ghost of Christmas Past in front of Scrooge, who simply said, "Tell me who you are."

The Ghost replied, "I am the Ghost of Christmas Past." This Ghost then led Scrooge to the window and said, "Follow."

Scrooge replied, "But I'll fall. I'm mortal and liable to fall!"

"A touch of my hand will give you flight…"

And as Scrooge held the Ghost's hand, the Ghost led him out the window and into the memories of Scrooge's past. These memories included his lonely childhood at a boarding school and his young adulthood as an apprentice under the genial Mr. Fezziwig. He even had a girlfriend. Unfortunately, he slowly lost interest in her as soon as he took up a job at the counting house.

Stu could also visualize the Ghost of Christmas Present, a jolly giant who bore a glowing torch and held it up to shed its light on Scrooge as he came peeping around the corner.

"Come in, and know me better, man!" he shouted.

"Who are you?" asked Scrooge.

"I am the Ghost of Christmas Present!"

"Excuse me, but – why all this… produce?"

"These are the gifts of abundance, of good will and generosity."

"Excuse me?"

"Of course, you wouldn't understand much about that, would you? Unlike these good people."

And the Ghost of Christmas Present showed Scrooge a dining room, where Bob Cratchit and his family, including a little boy named Tiny Tim, were having a modest Christmas dinner of roast goose, mashed potatoes, gravy, and applesauce.

Lifting his glass, Bob Cratchit shouted merrily, "A Merry Christmas to us all, my dears. And may God bless us."

And said Tiny Tim, the smallest of them all, "God bless us every one!"

And Tiny Tim laughed with joy until he became racked with coughs. This concerned the whole family, especially his father, Bob Cratchit, who held the poor boy in his arms.

Scrooge, who witnessed this scene unnoticed, was moved. "No one told me he had a sick son," he uttered.

"Didn't you ever think to ask?" asked the Ghost of Christmas Present.

"He's my clerk. I don't pay him to tell me about his personal life."

"You hardly pay him at all."

"Fifteen shillings a week."

"For a man with a family? Not to mention a sick child."

"That is the market rate."

"Do you really believe that every inch of existence is a bargain across the counter?"

Scrooge was at a loss for words.

Then the Ghost continued, "Observe this family. They don't have much, and yet they're happy, grateful and contented with the time. Whereas you are miserable and content with nothing…"

Stu noticed some differences in the manuscript, but he knew where this is going, so he said to himself, "Only if these shadows remain unchanged will there be an empty chair where Tiny Tim once sat and a crutch without an owner, carefully preserved. Only if these shadows remain unchanged will the little kid die." Stu then chuckled, "Yeah, right! A child, dying before he comes of age. Like that'll ever happen in real life!"

Stu was laughing his head off at what he thought was a ridiculous notion, when suddenly, he came to the part with the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, a shrouded, silent figure. Stu and Scrooge exchanged fearful looks, then Scrooge asked the being, "Am I in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?"

The Ghost nodded.

Scrooge asked, "You are here to show me the shadows of the things that have not happened but will happen, is that so?"

The Ghost then took Scrooge by the hand and dragged him to poor Bob Cratchit's house and found the mother and the children seated round the fire.

"I have a bad feeling about this," muttered Scrooge.

Then Bob came to the door. He looked very weary, and Stu noticed that Tiny Tim was nowhere to be found.

"You went today, then Robert?" asked Mrs. Cratchit. "To the cemetery?"

Bob replied, smiling through his tears, "Yes, my dear. I wish you could have gone to see how green a place it is. But you'll see it often. I promised him that I would walk there on a Sunday."

But soon, Bob Cratchit's true emotions came forth, and his voice cracked as he uttered, "My little child. My little, little child!" And he buried his face in his arms and wept bitterly.

Stu looked particularly sad as he read this portion of the manuscript… and noticed that the manuscript ended there.

"That's where I left off," said Charles Dickens. "How to end this story…"

Stu replied, "You could let Tiny Tim live, right?"

Charles Dickens sadly shook his head. "The poor boy _will_ die."

Stu was devastated. "Oh, no!" he gasped, for Tiny Tim had been his favorite character in the novel.

Stu was staring to space. His mind was playing the song the student body of Eucaipah High School would sing every time they saw him swagger by:

"_He is a freshman, yet he's still a boy!  
He's never wept! Ah, what a joy!  
Yet he looks just like a manly stud!  
We could be his best bud!  
Although his chest is wide, and his voice is deep,  
He'll never weep!_"

What bitter irony! As Stu stood frozen with grief, he dropped his old red blanket, a symbol of his now-lost childhood innocence. Finally, he tossed his cap to the ground, collapsed to the floor, and began to weep, his first manly tears.

And how heartbreaking a sight it was! All the times his friends had seen him sad or crying during his long childhood—when his big brother Drew tore the ears off his Tony Bow-Wow toy (Stu was two-and-a-half), when Stu himself contracted chicken pox (he was five), when he felt sorry for a weeping Melinda (he was nearly eleven), and countless other cases—paled in comparison to this moment. What emerged from Stu's quivering body was the soul-crushing weeping that only occurs in a man when his beloved child has just died before his eyes.

Needless to say, Charles Dickens was saddened to see Stu looking like this. "What's wrong, young man?" he asked.

Stu replied, sobbing, "Must Tiny Tim be really dead?"

"Well, he was very ill, and the family has no money for a doctor."

"Then Scrooge must save him."

Charles Dickens was taken aback. The thought had never occurred to him. "But he wouldn't. He's too selfish."

"He can change. There's good in him somewhere, I know it."

"He's been this way for a long time. I'm not sure he can change."

"Of course, he can. He's not a monster. He wouldn't let Tiny Tim die. He has a heart, doesn't he? It would be too wicked, even for him."

When Chas saw this, he smiled and gasped, "I-I don't believe it! Stu's actually weeping?"

He said to Charles Dickens, "My word! Looks like my friend isn't mad after all! Heh! He just needed to have a good cry. That's all." Then he took Stu along, grabbed his cap and blanket, and said to him, "Come along, my friend."

And Chas led his weeping friend out of Charles Dickens' room, while Charles Dickens himself was left to ponder on what Stu had said to him.

Back in the streets of Victorian London, Chas was trying to comfort Stu. "There, there, Stu. Let it out. Everything will be fine."

Stu turned to Chas and said with tears rolling down his face, "You don't understand, Chas. When I entered high school, I was the last of my class to retain my childhood innocence, and I took pride in it. I became popular _because_ I hadn't wept yet. But now that I'm fifteen years old, now that I know that a kid could die before coming of age, I've finally wept. What will the student body think of me, who they thought was the Eternal Child?"

"You know, Stu," Chas replied, "I wondered what my _non_-weeping classmates would think of me when _I_ first wept. Of course, that was back when I was in sixth grade."

Stu looked at Chas. "Really? No wonder you were acting funny on the Monday after we went to the Multiplex Opera House."

"But when I told your brother Drew about my situation, instead of laughing at me, he wept in sympathy."

Presently, a portal opened right next to them.

"Well," said Stu sadly, "there goes my popularity."

And he and Chas entered the portal… which led them back to Eucaipah High School in 1973. There, the student body, who was eagerly awaiting the re-arrival of Stu "sans Pleurs" Pickles and his best friend Chas Finster, was met with a sad surprise.

Chas was holding Stu's cap and blanket, but Stu himself had his hands over his eyes and looked very unhappy. He had to explain everything to the hushed student body: "It had to come sometime. While I was in Victorian London with Chas, Charles Dickens let me read his original manuscript of _A Christmas Carol_. He wasn't finished with it, and soon, I knew why… he was planning to kill off Tiny Tim… for real! Now that I have learned that, I am no longer the Eternal Child, but now, I'm just a young man. I wept as bitterly as a father who had lost his child."

And at once, Stu took his hands from his eyes, revealing his tear-stained face and his eyes red and puffy from weeping. He looked terrible. When the student body saw this, they all felt sorry for him and began to weep. Even Betty, who had longed for Stu to "man up" ever since the seventh grade, found herself wiping her own tears from her face.

As for Melinda, she rushed up to Chas and tearfully embraced him, crying, "I'm sorry you had to see the Eternal Child become a man!"

Chas embraced Melinda in turn as tears ran down his face. Now, he and _all_ of his friends—Melinda, Betty, Howard, Charlotte, Drew, Didi, and Stu—had wept like adults and were now emotionally mature.

The next day, which was a Saturday, Chas decided to go Christmas shopping. Although he had always found his Christmases disappointing, he had longed to give someone else a Christmas present.

And at the bookstore, he saw it, a new copy of Charles Dickens' _A Christmas Carol_. But he was afraid to even pick it up, thinking, "If Stu and I messed with the past, this story might be altered drastically! There's only one way to find out…"

And so, he picked up the book, and after he opened it, he began to read its final lines: "Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father…"

"…who did _not_ die!" Chas cried out with joy. "Wait 'til Stu reads this! We didn't mess up the timeline after all!"

And so, Chas purchased _A Christmas Carol_, had it wrapped up for Christmas, and delivered it to the Pickles' residence for Stu.

And on Christmas morning, Stu read the story to the end. He quivered with fear at the sight of Jacob Marley's ghost, he guffawed at the "more of gravy than of grave about you" line, he smiled as the Cratchit family sat down for Christmas dinner, and he wept when the future segment showed Bob Cratchit grieving for Tiny Tim.

Both Drew and Lou noticed this, and they were amazed. "That's weird," said Drew. "Stu is actually weeping like a man!"

"Well!" cried Lou. "It looks like Stu has finally become a man! And he's fifteen years old!"

"Oh, pop…" moaned Stu, the tears rolling down his face. He didn't dare tell his father and brother that he had gone back in time and wept upon finding out that Charles Dickens had planned on killing off Tiny Tim.

But before long, Stu got to the ending:

"Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did _not_ die…"

Upon reading that, Stu was pleasantly surprised as though he had been reading it for the first time. Then, he continued:

"…he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew… and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!"

Stu smiled through his tears as he said, "Then we haven't changed the past! Thank you, Chas. Merry Christmas."

And he thought he was in the streets of Victorian London, where he saw Ebenezer Scrooge, now reformed, carrying Tiny Tim on his shoulder, with the boy's father, Bob Cratchit, by his side.


	14. Driving Miss Melinda

_By the time Charles is in twelfth grade, he, Drew, and Melinda are seniors, Charlotte and Howard are juniors, Stu and Betty are sophomores, and Didi is a freshman. Drew starts being taken by Charlotte, who often argues with him and vice versa. Stu also has started to date Didi. But for the moment, Charles and Melinda are still just friends. This is especially good if Charles needs help learning how to drive._

By New Years' Day 1974, Stu Pickles was back to his cheerful self. But once school was back on, he wasn't wearing his matador costume anymore, for he was no longer a child. Instead, he wore the normal clothes of the average, emotionally-mature high school student. Therefore, he had to go through the hallways of Eucaipah High School unnoticed by all except his brother Drew and his friends Howard, Betty, Charlotte, Melinda, and Chas.

All through his junior year, Chas was struggling to attain his driver's license, for although he passed the written exam with flying colors, it was the driving portion he needed to improve on.

The driving instructor led Chas to the car. Once they both had entered the car, she asked him, "Okay, Charles, what's the first thing you do?"

Chas was at a loss for words. "What?" he asked.

The driving instructor said, "First thing is to start the car."

But once she turned on the engine, Chas seemed to look uneasy. The driving instructor was concerned, and she said to him, "Charles? Charles? Relax, it's only the car."

Chas gasped, "The car?"

"Okay, now what do you do next?"

"Floor it?"

"No, no! Don't floor it."

"Floor it?!"

"No, no! Don't floor it!"

"Okay, floor it!"

"No! No!"

But without thinking, Chas pushed the accelerator down and started driving backwards really fast, and a few spectators watched as he drove into a wall.

No one was injured, but the car was nearly totaled, and the driving instructor was sobbing, "Oh, Charles! Why?"

Melinda, on the other hand, aced both the written exam and the driving exam. The driving instructor was overjoyed to see Melinda driving perfectly, going around every corner instead of cutting the corners, avoiding every obstacle with ease, she even nailed the parallel parking!

The driving instructor was so moved she said to Melinda, "Here is a driver!"

And so it was that, in the spring of 1974, Melinda Cavanaugh got her driver's license nearly one year ahead of Chas Finster.

One day, she drove up to the Finsters' residence and shouted to Chas, "Hey, Charles! I just got my driver's license! You wanna ride? Hop on in!"

Chas thought about this awhile: "Melinda's gotten her driver's license, and I haven't. My classmates must think I'm a dork for flunking my driver's test!"

Chas sighed, "Might as well…"

And as soon as Chas stepped into Melinda's car and closed the door, Melinda started the engine and began to drive him to Eucaipah High School. At first, she took it nice and slow, which pleased Chas.

But after she had gone a ways, she began to floor it! She picked up the speed and drove very fast to the school, terrifying poor Chas and making him carsick!

Melinda didn't notice this until after they had gotten to school. "Charles," she cried. "Are you all right?"

Chas replied, "I think I'm gonna need to be more careful at my driver's test next time."

And he fled to the men's restroom to throw up, much to Melinda's dismay…

A few months later, in September 1974, Chas, Drew, and Melinda were high school seniors. Howard and Charlotte were juniors. Stu and Betty were sophomores. And Didi was a freshman.

As they were about to take their classes, Chas, Drew, and Melinda felt very mature, for they were just one year away from living real adult lives.

On the first day of school, Chas came across Stu, who was muttering something to himself. He couldn't help but approach the purple-haired young man and ask him, "Stu, what's the matter?"

Stu replied, "The tenth grade is a drag. My pop enrolled me in all these courses: Latin, English literature, English composition, English history up to 1688, geometry, biology, and beginning French! Doesn't he know how hard these courses are?"

Chas sympathetically said to Stu, "Relax. Breeze through these courses. You don't have to be frustrated, because it's only the first day of school. And besides, now that you've finally wept, you're a real man now, in a real man's world. And when you get to be in twelfth grade like me, you'll get to graduate from high school and live a real adult life."

And the red-headed teen smiled as he went to his classroom and said, "See you later, Stu."

Later, during one of Chas' classes, he was sitting with Drew and Melinda. As the teacher was speaking, Drew turned to Chas and asked, "So Chas, still having car trouble?"

Chas sighed, "I've been trying to get my driver's license for about a year now, but I always get nervous at the wheel. I don't think I'm ever gonna get my driver's license."

It was then when Melinda placed a gentle hand on Chas' shoulder and said to him, "Don't despair, Charles. Since I already have my driver's license, I'd like to teach you to drive."

But Chas got bad memories of getting carsick from Melinda's joyride, and he said, "Oh, that really isn't necessary, Melinda."

"But I insist. You must learn to drive. After all, you want to be a father when you grow up, right?"

"Well, yeah. I am aware that a father must know how to drive, but for me, driving is a struggle."

"And I will help you get past the struggle…"

And so, after school, Chas found himself riding shotgun in Melinda's car. He was so nervous he could feel the sweat pouring down his face.

He gulped, "I'm not so sure about that…"

"Why not?" asked Melinda.

"Because I… I…"

Placing her hand on his shoulder, Melinda said to Chas, "Now, don't be scared, Charles. The road may look scary at first, but once you get used to it, you will be driving like a dad in no time."

And so, she began to drive along the road, allowing Chas to see what was just ahead as she spoke: "We all know this one from grade school: red means stop, green means go, and yellow means slow down. But there is much more to driving than that…"

"Okay, Melinda."

"Now, when driving, watch out for pedestrians…"

From September 1973 onward, Chas tried to pass his driver's test again… and again… and again. But try as he might, he kept failing. One time he crashed the driving instructor's car into a fire hydrant, another time he nearly ran over a pedestrian by mistake! He even got in trouble for driving on the British side of the road at one point. In fact, by February 1975, he had failed the driving test eleven times!

All through his senior year, Chas would walk down the hallways to find that Stu seemed to have fallen in love with young Didi. As he was walking alongside her on his way to his Latin class, Stu said, "So, Didi, notice anything different?"

Didi took a good look at Stu and gasped, "Why, Stu! You've grown up!"

"Yep!"

"I remember back when we were in junior high, and you were a gangly eighth grader with braces!"

"Indeed, I was. But I'm a man now! So, why don't you come over to my house and take a look at the Fast Flipper Tournament trophy I just won?"

Didi in turn fell in love with Stu as she replied, "That would be nice, Stu…"

Presently, Stu said to Didi, "Well, I'll be taking Latin now. _E pluribus unum!_"

As Stu and Didi walked to their respective classes, eyeing each other, Chas looked on with longing for a date with Melinda.

Later, Chas saw Drew and Charlotte arguing with each other.

Drew asked Charlotte, "What were you doing on that phone? Who were you talking to?"

Charlotte cried, "How dare you!"

"I saw you talking with this Jonathan fellow on the phone!"

"That's enough! Jonathan is just someone I know from off-campus!"

"Just someone I know from off-campus! You vain, empty-headed peacock!"

"It's not what you think it is, you grump!"

"I'll teach you a thing or two…"

"What are you saying, Drew? We're only teenagers, after all. We're not even married, and you're already jealous?"

"I'm not a toy to be played with!"

"Wait 'til I graduate next year! Then I'll get whatever job I please, and if you don't like it, good-bye!"

"You're going to class? Oh, what luck! I'm delighted!"

"House-painter!"

"Snake!"

"Toad!"

"You witch!"

But as they went to their separate classes, Drew and Charlotte gazed sadly at each other.

Presently, as Chas watched the whole scene, Melinda came along. Chas said to her, "You know, Melinda, if we were dating, and you were constantly arguing with me like that, I don't know what I'd do with myself."

"Charles," said Melinda. "You're my best friend. Come on, let's go to class."

And Chas and Melinda went to class together …

In February 1975, Chas was preparing for his twelfth attempt at getting his driver's license. As usual, he was seated shotgun, while Melinda was driving and giving out instructions for him: "And remember: always check your mirrors, never comment on your driving instructor's weight, and while we Americans always drive on the right-hand side of the road, it is the _Brits_ who think that the right side is the wrong side."

Chas, still looking nervous, said, "Yeah, th-that's nice, Melinda… It's just that…" He sighed, "I don't wanna talk about it."

Melinda was confused. "What are you talking about? You'll get your driver's license eventually."

"But you wouldn't understand. I'm the only one who suffers from… I just can't say it."

Chas was obviously ashamed of himself. How could he tell Melinda, the girl he had trusted ever since the fourth grade?

But one look from Melinda, one genuinely curious look, made Chas swallow his pride and say to her, "I'm nearsighted, I get carsick, and looking down the road makes me nervous."

This made Melinda reply, understandingly, "Now I know why you flunked so much."

"Yeah," sighed Chas sadly. "Why does it always have to be me?"

"Charles, how do you feel right now?"

"How do you think I feel? Awful!"

"Really awful, or just a little awful?"

"Really awful! I don't want anyone to rub it in. I guess I'm a loser after all…"

"Oh, Charles," Melinda replied lovingly. "No one's a loser who has at least one friend. Now, why don't you let me teach you to drive so you can pass your driver's test. Driving can't be any worse than living in fear of failure."

And she kissed him on the cheek, causing him to blush bashfully. Chas then said, "Drive away, Miss Melinda!"

And Melinda drove, taking it nice and slowly so Chas wouldn't get carsick so easily. As Melinda spoke to him, Chas was only too eager to listen to her…

Once Melinda had finished driving Chas, he said to her, "You know something, Melinda? Even though I don't want to take my driver's test again, part of me kinda does want to do it."

"It does?" asked Melinda.

"Yeah. One part of me says, 'Chas, ya just gotta do it,' then the other part says, 'Chas, don't listen to him! He doesn't know what he's talking about!' But then the first part keeps saying, 'Do it, Chas! Do it!'"

"Sounds confusing."

"It is, Melinda. But no matter how scary it is, no matter how much it may hurt, I'm gonna get my driver's license!"

"Wow! Charles, you really are brave!"

Chas smiled at Melinda's comment…

Not long thereafter, Chas was ready to take his driver's test. His driving instructor, weary of Chas' screw-ups, sighed, "Well, this had better be good, or I don't want you showing your sorry face to me ever again!"

This made Chas nervous for a little while, but then he told himself, "Courage, Chas. Twelfth time's the charm…"

And so, Chas got into the car, ready to take his driver's test. This time, instead of flooring it, Chas gently started his engine.

The driving instructor was pleasantly surprised. "Good job, Charles," she said.

Pretty soon, Chas was starting to drive like a veteran driver, and as he drove, his confidence was rising. He rounded each corner, avoided each obstacle, and made each stop without any mistakes. After all, if he wanted to be a father after graduating high school, he needed to drive without too many mistakes.

For once, the driving instructor smiled at Chas, knowing that he had learned…

The next day, Stu and Drew were waiting by the school with Melinda, who asked them, "You think Charles got his driver's license?"

"I don't know," answered Stu. "But I'll bet he did!"

"Did not!" argued Drew.

Stu said ruefully, "Yeah, I guess you're right…"

"I am?" asked Drew, with more than a hint of surprise.

Suddenly, someone drove up to the school and spoke to Melinda, Stu, and Drew in a familiar nasally voice: "Hey, guys!"

It was Chas, who was driving his very own car for the first time in his life. Chas had finally gotten his driver's license.

"Charles! You did it!" cried Melinda with joy. "You got your driver's license!"

"Yep!" Chas replied. "And my very own car to boot!"

Stu and Drew were also amazed.

Yes, earning a driver's license was a major joy for young Charles Finster, as this meant that, not only could he drive to school, he could also, in his adult years, drive himself to college, drive his bride to their honeymoon cottage, and, eventually, drive his kid to school, which would let his life reach full-circle.


	15. Senior Prom

_Senior prom has arrived. Charles is planning to attend with his best friend Melinda. However, a family emergency that nearly ends in tragedy results in poor Charles getting stood up. Then, once graduation comes along and the seniors receive their diplomas, will Charles and Melinda ever meet again?_

March 1975. Senior prom was just around the corner. One of the twelfth-grade girls was handing out flyers as she announced, "Senior prom is coming this Friday night! Find your partners and invite them to the prom!"

Each of the seniors picked up these flyers, including Drew, Chas, and Melinda. Chas had a big grin on his face; for he was going to be eighteen in a little more than a month, and being eighteen would mean being a _real_ man! At that age, he would be able to vote, he would be able to stay up as long as he wanted, and he would be able to go to whatever movie he wanted—but of course, Chas would always be distinctly hesitant to watch R-rated movies because he would always faint at the sight of blood.

Drew said to Chas, "You know, Chas, I've barely had enough time to clean off Charlotte's lipstick from my face before we get back to arguing again! You'd think she'd be more cooperative than your own kid brother!"

"I wouldn't know, Drew. I'm an only child."

Chas then turned to Melinda and said, "Melinda, would you like to go to the senior prom with me tonight?"

Melinda replied, "I'd be delighted!"

"Great! Then it'll be on March 21! See you then."

"Same here."

And Chas and Melinda went off to their classes as they thought about how great their senior prom would be…

In his chemistry class, Chas thought about how he and Melinda would look at the prom: all dolled up, he in a black-and-white tuxedo, she in a sky-blue dress. Chas, who got easily nervous, planned to create a checklist to make sure the evening went exactly as he wanted.

Chas thought about that evening, and he imagined himself as much buffer than he really was. Melinda would say, "Oh, Charles! I'm so happy you decided to take me out to the prom; you're so organized. Show me that checklist again."

And so, he would, causing her to swoon with joy.

Meanwhile, in her English class, Melinda thought about what Chas would do at their prom, and her thoughts were more honest about how he looked than his own thoughts. There, Chas would mutter something, and Melinda, concerned about him, would ask him, "What's wrong, Charles?"

Chas would reply, "Well, uh, I just, uh…"

Melinda would smile and say, "Oh, you don't have to tell me. You're still the sweetest boy I know."

And then, she would kiss his cheek, causing him to blush lovingly.

Yes, Chas and Melinda had agreed to join each other on the dance floor at senior prom. But there was soon to be an unexpected snag…

That Friday night, Melinda was preparing to go to the prom in her own car, when suddenly, a man came over in a rented car, came to Melinda, and spoke with a grim expression on his face, "Excuse me, young lady. Do you happen to know a man who goes by the name of Christian Cavanaugh? Brown hair? Green eyes?"

"Yes, that's my father," Melinda replied. "Why?"

The man sharply exhaled and swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, miss, but… I got in an accident with your father… He is seriously injured, and he is in the hospital right now. He told me he wants to see you as soon as you can."

Melinda was distraught. "But… I promised Charles that I would see him at our senior prom!"

"Your father needs you by his side."

"But… but… Oh! Why must being a grown-up be so hard?!"

And Melinda covered her face with her hands, not knowing what to do…

Meanwhile, at the dance floor, Chas didn't realize that his high expectations were soon to be met with soul-crushing disappointment. For the moment, he was standing on the dance floor, looking everywhere for Melinda.

"Where is she?" he asked himself as he saw all the other seniors, Drew included, with their respective dates.

Realizing that Melinda was nowhere to be found, Chas just stood there, hands behind his back and head hung down in shame.

Meanwhile, Charlotte spotted Chas on the dance floor. She said to Drew, "Look at that! Chas got stood up on his senior prom! He must look pretty embarrassed."

"Let me tell you embarrassed, Charlotte," said Drew. "_You'd_ be embarrassed if you had to dance with that geek!"

Charlotte blinked, then she replied, "Good point."

"The woman he asked to dance with him probably ditched him at the last minute!"

And so, Drew and Charlotte laughed at Chas. When some of the meaner seniors caught word of it, they also were howling with laughter!

Now, not only was poor Chas embarrassed, he was heartbroken! Surely, Melinda couldn't have been so heartless as to intentionally ditch him at his own senior prom!

Still, Chas didn't want anyone to think he was a wimp. So, he put up a stoic front, saying to himself, "I'm a big, brave knight. I'm a big, brave knight. I'm a big, brave knight…"

This he said as he walked across the dance floor, to the amazement of everyone around him, so he could exit for the bar to get something to drink.

No sooner had Chas left, though, than everyone else got back to dancing.

In the bar, Chas said stoically, "Bartender, get me an ice cream soda, and make it snappy."

"Sure thing, Chas," the bartender replied in a familiar voice.

Chas looked up and saw that the bartender was none other than… "Stu! What are you doing here? I thought you were only a sophomore!"

Stu replied, "Well, the high school principal hired me as the bartender so I could get a taste of adult life." And as he scooped up some ice cream to place in a glass, he asked Chas, "So, what seems to be the trouble?"

Again, Chas put up a stoic façade as he said, "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Come on, Chas, drop that dumb act," said Stu as he poured some chocolate syrup and club soda into the glass with the ice cream. "You asked for the ice cream soda, and so, you're gonna drink it and tell me all about what's been bothering you."

Chas sighed, "All right."

Still looking stoic, Chas accepted the ice cream soda from Stu and drank it. Stu looked on as Chas downed the drink into his mouth.

And once Chas had finished drinking the soda, he kept his stoic front on for a few seconds… only to break down sobbing inconsolably.

Stu then said, "That's better. Now, I can comfort you. So, what's the matter?"

Chas sniffled as he said in a broken voice, "A few days ago, I invited Melinda over to this senior prom because I thought she would come! I really thought she would come! Instead, I got stood up! Stood up!"

As Chas again broke into sobs, Stu couldn't help but feel sorry for his friend.

"There, there, Chas," said the purple-haired bartender as he handed Chas a box full of tissues. "Here, blow."

Chas grabbed a tissue and blew his nose into it. "Thanks, Stu," he said with a catch in his voice.

"Much better," Stu said as he placed his hand on Chas' shoulder. "Just let it out. Didi told me that holding in your grief will only damage your health."

Chas sniffled as he dried his eyes, "Are you sure about that?"

"Certainly. Just ask Didi on Monday."

Chas smiled a little.

Then, Stu asked him, "So, why did Melinda stand you up? She doesn't seem like the kind of girl who would think of you as only a toy to be played with."

It was then when Chas' face fell, and he blushed with shame as he admitted, "I don't really know…"

Meanwhile, at the hospital, Melinda was having a bit of a family crisis. She was sitting by her father's side, fearing for his life. He had lost so much blood during the crash that he needed a blood transfusion just to stay conscious.

Yes, for Melinda, being a grown-up meant having to face real grown-up fears. A man could lose his wife to a terminal illness. A couple could see their child with his life hanging by a thread. Or, in her case, a young woman could watch silently as her father lay severely injured from a car accident.

Melinda gazed at her father as tears ran down her face. "Will he be all right in the end?" she thought.

Mr. Cavanaugh turned his face to his daughter's and said to her, "Melinda, I would like to see your friend."

Melinda dried her eyes as she said to her father, "You mean Charles?" Now, she was ashamed of herself. She muttered, "He must be so sad that I stood him up on his senior prom. I'll have to take him to see my dad here."

Melinda then said to her father, "Don't worry, dad! He'll be here soon!"

And so, she went out of the hospital and into her car to take Chas to visit her father at the hospital…

Meanwhile, Chas was sitting on the front porch of his house, feeling sorry for himself after his disastrous senior prom. He sighed, "I never thought Melinda would ditch me like that…"

Presently, Melinda herself showed up, driving to the Finsters' house in her car.

When Chas saw this, he thought, "The nerve of her! She stands me up on what was supposed to be our senior prom, and now she shows up to grovel?!"

Chas only glared at Melinda silently.

Melinda said to him, "I can explain, Charles. Just get into my car, and I'll tell you along the way."

Chas was still pretty mad at Melinda, but he decided to get into her car, riding shotgun as she drove from his house.

After Melinda had driven a way from Chas' house, she said to him, "Look, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

At this point, Chas cried out, "Good! Because you did! All I was expecting was a dance with you at our senior prom! Instead, I got stood up, to the point where they all laughed at me for not having a date! I went to the bar and cried my eyes out, all because you weren't there to stand up for me! What's the big idea?!"

Poor Melinda looked hurt. Then, after some silence, she replied, "I guess I deserved that. But I had a family emergency. I cannot be at two places at once."

"That's what they all say," grumbled Chas.

Melinda sighed, "If you don't believe me, you're going to have to see what happened to my father…"

Chas continued to glare at her for a few seconds, before what she said to him sank in, and he cried, "Your father?!"

Once Melinda reached the hospital, she took Chas to the room where her father was being treated. It was then when Chas saw for himself the terrible condition Christian Cavanaugh was in: he had stitches all over his chest, and his leg, broken from the crash, was in a cast and suspended by a sling just over the bed.

At this sad sight, Chas could no longer be mad at Melinda. Who could blame her for wanting to be with her father in his time of need?

"Melinda," he said humbly to her. "I'm sorry I got mad at you. Will you forgive me?"

Melinda replied, "Of course I forgive you."

And the two embraced as Mr. Cavanaugh watched.

Melinda's father then said to her, "Thank you for bringing Charles here."

"Don't mention it," Melinda replied.

Chas gazed at the older man and said sadly, "I'm so sorry for what happened to you, Mr. Cavanaugh. Will you ever get better?"

Mr. Cavanaugh sighed, "I don't know, Charles. I really don't know. I needed extra blood just so I wouldn't pass out…"

"You know, Mr. Cavanaugh, I also broke my leg when I was in grade school, and I got my cast off in only three weeks."

"That's because you were young. But when you break something at my age, it's pretty serious. In fact, I don't think this leg is ever going to be the same again."

Chas looked at the older man with tears rolling down his face. This time, he wept both for Melinda and for her father, rather than for himself.

Three months passed. Every day after school, Chas and Melinda would go to the church, where they would pray together that Mr. Cavanaugh would get better.

On Easter Sunday, they wept and prayed.

On Chas' eighteenth birthday, they wept and prayed again.

Finally, in June of 1975, graduation came before any of the seniors knew it. Among those on the stage, graduating from Eucaipah High School's Class of 1975, were Drew Pickles, Chas Finster, and Melinda Cavanaugh.

As the valedictorian spoke, Drew could see his father Lou and his younger brother Stu, and Chas could see his parents Marvin and Shirley. But Melinda couldn't see her father Christian.

"Dad should be here by now," she thought. "You'd think he'd have recovered…"

This made Melinda very worried. Could it be that her father didn't make it?

Sadly, Mr. Cavanaugh _didn't_ make it… on time. When he finally arrived, he was on crutches, his leg still in a cast. But as he hobbled down the aisle and sat next to Mr. and Mrs. Finster, his daughter smiled with tears of joy in her eyes. Her father came, just as she had hoped.

Later on, the seniors received their diplomas, in alphabetical order. This meant that among our friends, Melinda got her diploma before Chas, and Chas got his diploma before Drew.

When the ceremony was all over, all the graduating seniors threw their caps into the air. They laughed and hugged each other, congratulating each other for their successes. This was the happiest day of their young lives, and their greatest achievement.

Lou came to hug Drew. "Congratulations, Drew!" he shouted with joy. "I knew you had it in you!"

But as Lou snapped a picture of Drew with his camera, Stu said to his older brother, "Just wait a couple years, Drew. Then _I'll_ graduate, and _I'll_ be the one having his photo taken."

"That'll be the day, bro," said Drew.

And Stu glared at him.

As for Chas and Melinda, they were soon met with their own respective fathers and Chas' mother.

"That's my girl!" cried Christian as he hugged his daughter.

"Congratulations, Charles!" Shirley beamed, hugging her son tight.

As Shirley let go, however, Chas wheezed a little, for the hug was tighter than he thought it would be. "T-thanks, mom," he grunted.

Marvin said to Charles, "Now that you're eighteen, you'll get to make your own decisions!"

"But for the moment," said Shirley, "we're serving lactose-free ice cream to celebrate."

And Marvin and Shirley stood by as Chas and Melinda embraced each other.

"Until we meet again, Melinda," said Chas.

"Have a good summer, Charles," Melinda replied.

And soon, Chas and Melinda went their own separate ways, he with his parents and she with her widowed father.

High school graduation was not only a major achievement, but also a great joy for young Charles Finster. But it would be a while before he and Melinda were to meet again.


	16. The Swap Meet

_It's nearly Halloween, so our friends (Charles, Drew, Stu, and Howard) get dressed up for the annual swap meet. There, they all meet familiar faces, but no face sways Charles more than Melinda Cavanaugh, whom he hasn't seen in ten years! Will he be her knight in shining armor?_

_By the way, you'll notice a lot of shout-outs to Puccini's "La Bohême" from this point onward._

Ten years had passed since Chas, Drew, and Melinda graduated from Eucaipah High School. Melinda and her father had since moved back to the countryside. Mr. Cavanaugh was out of his cast, but the car accident had rendered him permanently disabled; he had to walk with a cane, and even then, he always walked with a limp.

In October of 1985, Melinda and her father were preparing for their annual swap meet, where they would sell produce and decorated items to all who cared to come. This year, Didi and her parents came along to help.

Melinda said to her friend, "Didi, I'm so glad you and your parents came along to help."

"Yeah," Didi replied. "Mom and Dad are always a good help whenever they're called upon."

And indeed, Didi's parents, Boris and Minka Kropotkin, were setting the tables by carefully placing tablecloths on top of them.

Meanwhile, Didi was having a conversation with Melinda: "Do you think Charles knows about this? Our old friends haven't seen you since you graduated ten years ago."

Melinda sighed, "What does it matter?"

"What does it matter?" repeated Minka incredulously. "Surely, he must know how much you still love him."

Boris added, "And believe me, someday very, very soon, your knight in shining armor will return and sweep you off your feet!"

"As Boris here did with me so many years ago…" sighed Minka affectionately.

Boris began to blush as Minka kissed his cheek.

"Oh, but when? When?" groaned Melinda.

"Patience, Melinda, patience," Didi answered. "Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"Or go yonder. Oh, I've been away so long. What if he's forgotten all about me?"

Meanwhile, however, at the Finster household, Chas was sitting at home, looking wistfully at old childhood photos of himself and Melinda during their elementary-school days. As he gazed at each photo, he gave a long, sad sigh. Chas had always hoped that someday Melinda would return, though with the passage of time, he felt that it was unlikely he would ever see her again.

Presently, he heard a knock on his door. Could this be Melinda?

But no, when Chas opened the door, he saw that it was Drew, his old classmate.

"Drew?" asked Chas with surprise. "What are you doing here?"

Drew replied, "I came here to see you because I heard that you were thinking about Melinda again." He then looked at Chas' face and chuckled, "By the way, I see that you trimmed your mustache."

"It's not important. What's important is… I saw Charlotte the other day."

"Really? By the new Mega Corp building?"

"Didn't you hear? She's the CEO there!"

"Well, I'm glad to hear about it."

Chas chortled, "Liar! You're fretting and fuming that you haven't seen her for so long!"

"CEO, I see? By the way, do you know who I saw?" asked Drew.

"Charlotte?"

"No, Melinda."

"You saw Melinda?"

"Yes, she was getting ready for the annual swap meet. It's this Saturday, I hear."

"Now, _I'm_ glad to hear about _that_."

"Could have fooled me," Drew said to himself. "You still miss her!"

Chas was taken aback. "Hey! I heard that!"

"Well, it's true. You're probably looking at old photos of her from childhood while listening to Puccini as we speak!"

"I am not!" cried Chas as he placed a record on his record player and played the music. It was indeed Puccini—specifically, the duet "O Mimi, tu più non torni" from Act IV of _La Bohême_. Since it had been his first opera, Chas had bought a record album of Sir Thomas Beecham conducting the opera with the roles sung by a myriad of great opera singers from the 1950's (this particular album had been recorded in 1956).

As Chas gazed at his photo album and thought about the fun times he had had with Melinda, he heard a brilliant tenor voice singing:

"_O Mimì, tu più non torni.  
O giorni belli,  
piccole mani, odorosi capelli…_"

Chas thought about it all: her arrival in the neighborhood with her father back in fourth grade, their school play, their visit to the Multiplex Opera House in sixth grade…

Drew in turn looked at an old high-school photo of Charlotte as a sturdy but lyrical baritone voice sang, the tenor soon joining him:

"_Io non so come sia  
che il mio pennello lavori  
e impasti colori contro voglia mia._"

"…_collo di neve! Ah! Mimì,  
mia breve gioventù._"

As Drew thought about his relationship with Charlotte during high school, he heard the baritone sing:

"_Se pingere mi piace  
o cieli o terre  
o inverni o primavere,  
egli mi traccia due pupille nere  
e una bocca procace,  
e n'esce di Musetta il viso ancor…_"

Drew thought about how he and Charlotte would go out on dates, how they would argue over petty differences, how they would dance lovingly at his senior prom…

Chas and Drew thought of their respective girlfriends as the tenor and baritone mingled their voices together in harmony:

Tenor: "_E tu, cuffietta lieve,  
che sotto il guancial partendo  
ascose, tutta sai  
la nostra felicità,  
vien sul mio cor,  
sul mio cor morto, vien,  
ah, vien sul mio cor,  
poiché è morto amor._"

Baritone: "_E n'esce di Musetta il viso  
tutto vezzi e tutto frode.  
Musetta intanto gode  
e il mio cuor vile  
la chiama, la chiama ed aspetta  
il vil mio cuor._"

It's true. Chas really did miss Melinda, and Drew really did miss Charlotte. Each man couldn't help but cry a little as he wondered if he would ever see his beloved again.

Suddenly, who should break this moment of nostalgia but Stu and Howard?

"Hey, boys," said Stu.

Howard asked, "How's it going?"

"Not so good," sighed Drew.

"I miss Melinda," moaned Chas. "I know I should get over her, but I really miss her… I just felt like she was the one."

"Well, you don't have to be upset," said Stu. "Didn't you hear about the swap meet they're having this Saturday?"

"Yeah… How did you know?"

"Didi told me all about it. Maybe you should talk to Melinda if you see her there."

"Yeah, right," said Chas sadly. "What do you think I should say to her? 'Hey, remember me? We've known each other since fourth grade. Will you marry me?' I don't think I'm in her league anymore…"

But Howard said, "It's close to Halloween, so… we get to go in costume…"

And so, the next day, Chas, Drew, Stu, and Howard shouted together, "To the costume shop!"

Each man went through the shop to find and purchase his costume. Stu thought of going as a bullfighter, Drew as Julius Caesar, and Howard as a cowboy.

But Chas? He topped them all. As he looked all through the costume shop, he spotted the perfect costume: a knight in shining armor.

"Wow!" he gasped. "Would you look at that… I should look way more impressive as a knight than as plain old me!"

And he imagined how he would look at that swap meet, astride a charger, impressing everyone present. He imagined jousting at a tournament, battling with dragons, or perhaps even slicing the beef roast with his sword…

"Ah, yes. I would do all those things if I were a knight, instead of a nerd! I'd feel special! In fact, come Saturday, I _will_ feel special!"

Saturday morning came, and all who came to the swap meet were dressed in their costumes, dressed as anything from werewolves to vampires to fairy princesses. Stu was a bullfighter, Drew was Julius Caesar, Howard was a cowboy, and Chas was a knight in shining armor.

"Stu, do you have to dress up as Escamillo?" asked Chas.

Stu replied, "What? This is my favorite Halloween costume. Remember my freshman year?"

"Oh, yeah," chuckled Chas.

As Drew approached Chas, Chas said, "Oh, hail Caesar!"

"Hail me," said Drew. "Now, where shall we get something to eat?"

Howard replied, "I hear they're selling organic produce over there. We should try it!"

Stu raised an eyebrow. "Are there any berries?" he asked.

"Well, we'll just have to find out," said Drew. "Let's go."

And so, the four men went to the organic produce to buy something to eat.

Meanwhile, Melinda, dressed as a medieval princess, was selling organic produce alongside her father and Didi's parents. She didn't look very happy because she didn't see Chas.

"Come on, Melinda," said Christian as he leaned towards his daughter. "Lighten up. Your knight will come along to see you, just as I met your own mother back in '52."

"What does it matter?" asked Melinda. "Charles probably doesn't know about this event anyway."

Minka replied, "Relax, bubbeleh, your sales are going well, your father's looking sharp as a tack considering his accident ten years ago, and your knight in shining armor may be here any moment now."

Not too far from there, Chas was walking around, not very fast, looking all around. Then, all of a sudden, Chas came across Melinda's produce stand.

Melinda looked up and saw Chas dressed as a knight. "Charles?"

Chas in turn saw Melinda dressed as a princess. "Melinda?"

Chas took one look at Melinda's pretty face and broke out into a cold sweat. He couldn't even speak, let alone breathe! For neither he nor Melinda knew that he was allergic to the adzuki beans on Melinda's stand. Chas collapsed to the ground, and his tongue swelled up to the size of a football!

Everyone who saw this was horrified, and most of them, including Stu, Drew, Howard, Boris, and Minka, feared that Chas was going to die then and there!

"Is this the end for Chas?" cried Stu.

"What are we gonna do?!" cried Drew.

"Does anyone know mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?!" cried Boris.

And just when Chas thought he was going to croak, Melinda knew what to do. She approached him, pressed her mouth against his, and blew air into his lungs. All who saw this looked on in amazement.

Once Chas' tongue had shrunk down to normal size, he took a deep breath and said to Melinda, "Thanks for saving my life, Melinda."

"Mine's the pleasure, Charles," Melinda replied. Then, she knew who she was talking to and shouted with joy, "Charles!"

"Melinda!" Chas cried out, and he and Melinda shared an embrace. Tears streamed down his face as he said to her, "I missed you so much!"

Melinda frowned. "I'm sorry, Charles. Is something wrong?"

"They're tears of joy!" he chuckled as he dried his tears. "Ten years is a long time, Melinda."

Melinda then smiled, pulled Chas up off the ground, and said to him, "I missed you too, my knight in shining armor."

All who saw this were touched, some of them shedding tears of joy themselves.

Chas then turned to his friends and said, "Stu, Drew, Howard! This is our friend Melinda!"

"Hey, guys!" she said to the other men.

"Melinda!" cried Drew.

"We thought you were long gone!" shouted Stu.

"So, what should we do?" asked Howard.

Melinda replied, "Why don't we go around the place? See what's going on both here and nearby."

As Chas, Melinda, Drew, Stu, and Howard all left the stand, her father saw this and sighed, "Young love…"

When they had gone a ways, the five young people came to a cornfield.

"This is the corn maze," said Melinda. "My dad and I have enjoyed making this since I graduated high school. So, what do you say?"

"I say we should go in!" cried Stu.

"Me too," said Drew.

But Howard looked at a man riding a bucking bronco not too far from there and said to his friends, "Actually, I'd much prefer to go on a rodeo! See ya guys later." And he went to the rodeo pen, to the amazement of Chas, Melinda, Stu, and Drew.

Presently, Stu turned around and saw Didi, dressed like a Spanish gypsy. Wearing a white blouse and a long, red skirt, she was entertaining some guests by playing the tambourine to a recording of the Gypsy Song from Bizet's _Carmen_!

Stu was entranced, and he said to Chas, Melinda, and Drew, "Would you mind going in for me? Romance awaits!" And he left to see Didi.

"Well, I guess it's just us three, Chas," said Drew.

"Let's go in, then!" cried Chas.

And he, Melinda, and Drew went into the maze.

Each of the three went this way and that way, all through this labyrinth of corn stalks. No one knew where the others were, but at least Chas could hear Melinda's voice.

"Where can the exit be?" she was heard to ask.

Presently, Chas found the exit and let out a gasp.

"Did you find it?" asked Melinda.

"No," he fibbed.

"But I thought…"

"I mean it."

Chas then went a short way into the maze and saw Melinda looking for the exit.

"Are you looking?" she asked him.

"I sure am," Chas replied as he gazed at Melinda.

At 28 years old, Chas Finster was in love with the girl who had been his long-time childhood friend. Soon, in Chas' imagination, the corn maze at day gave way to a Belle-Époque Parisian garret at night. Chas became Rodolfo, the impoverished poet who wore a brown jacket, brown pants, dark brown shoes, and a bright red scarf. And Melinda became Mimi, the young seamstress who wore a dull pink dress and a mesh net shawl.

As Melinda groped all over the garret for a key, Chas stealthily approached her, impetuously took her by the hand, and started to sing, in a surprisingly clear and beautiful tenor voice (this was Chas' imagination, after all):

"_Che gelida manina!  
Se la lasci riscaldar.  
Cercar che giova?  
Al buio non si trova.  
Ma per fortuna  
è una notte di luna,  
e qui la luna l'abbiamo vicina.  
Aspetti, signorina,  
le dirò con due parole chi son,  
chi son, e che faccio, come vivo.  
Vuole?  
Chi son? Chi son? Sono un poeta.  
Che cosa faccio? Scrivo.  
E come vivo? Vivo.  
In povertà mia lieta  
scialo da gran signore  
rime ed inni d'amore.  
Per sogni e per chimere  
e per castelli in aria  
l'anima ho milionaria.  
Talor dal mio forziere  
ruban tutti i gioielli  
due ladri: gli occhi belli.  
V'entrar con voi pur ora  
ed i miei sogni usati,  
ed i bei sogni miei  
tosto si dileguar!  
Ma il furto non m'accora  
poiché, poiché v'ha preso stanza  
la speranza.  
Or che mi conoscete  
parlate voi. Deh parlate.  
Chi siete? Vi piaccia dir?_"

Melinda sang, in a warm and cheerful soprano voice:

"_Sì. Mi chiamano Mimì,  
ma il mio nome è Lucia.  
La storia mia è breve.  
A tela o a seta  
ricamo in casa e fuori.  
Son tranquilla e lieta,  
ed è mio svago  
far gigli e rose.  
Mi piaccion quelle cose  
che han sì dolce malia,  
che parlano d'amor, di primavere,  
che parlano di sogni e di chimere,  
quelle cose che han nome poesia…  
Lei m'intende?_"

"_Sì,_" sighed Chas.

Melinda continued:

"_Mi chiamano Mimì.  
Il perché non so.  
Sola, mi fo il pranzo  
da me stessa.  
Non vado sempre a messa,  
ma prego assai il Signor.  
Vivo sola, soletta,  
là in una bianca cameretta;  
guardo sui tetti e in cielo.  
Ma quando vien lo sgelo  
il primo sole è mio,  
il primo bacio dell'aprile è mio!  
Il primo sole è mio.  
Germoglia in un vaso una rosa,  
foglia a foglia l'aspiro.  
Così gentil è il profumo d'un fior.  
Ma i fior ch'io faccio, ahimè,  
i fior ch'io faccio,  
ahimè non hanno odore.  
Altro di me non le saprei narrare.  
Sono la sua vicina  
che la vien fuori d'ora a importunare._"

Just as Chas and Melinda were about to share a kiss, however, they heard Drew's voice shouting, "Chas! Chas! Can't you hear me?!"

Yes, Drew snapped Chas and Melinda out of their fantasy and back into reality. Chas was back in his knight costume, and Melinda was back in her princess costume.

"We've gotta find the exit, ya slowpoke!" cried Drew.

"Oh," said Chas. "I know where it is."

And so, Chas led Melinda and Drew out of the corn maze via the exit. Once they were outside, they saw Stu with Didi by her side.

"Hey, guys," said Stu.

Chas asked him, "How's it going, Stu?"

"Great, actually! Didi and I just won a number of games in a row!"

"What kind of games?" asked Melinda.

"Oh, you know," said Didi, "ring toss, go-fish, even horseshoes!"

Stu then said, "So, Didi, wanna have some lunch at the Café Momus, if you know what I mean?"

There just happened to be a snack bar called "Café Momus" nearby.

"That would be nice, Stu," said Didi, and she and Stu went to the snack bar together.

Just then, Drew said to Chas, "You know what, I'm gonna go there too… I see Charlotte over there!"

And indeed, Charlotte was seated at the snack bar, dressed like Cleopatra and talking to Jonathan on her then-new brick phone: "Jonathan, I really need to go now. I'm having lunch with my high-school sweetheart."

As Drew sat next to Charlotte, Chas imagined Drew as Marcello, the grumpy painter who was Rodolfo's best friend, and Charlotte as Musetta, Marcello's on-again-off-again girlfriend. And of course, Jonathan was Alcindoro, a pompous old fellow who always accompanied Musetta.

Charlotte sang "Musetta's Waltz" in the saucy tones of a soprano voice that was stuck in Chas' head ever since the sixth grade:

"_Quando men' vo,  
quando men' vo soletta  
per la via,  
la gente sosta e mira,  
e la bellezza mia  
tutta ricerca in me,  
ricerca in me da capo a piè._"

Drew cried out, "_Legatemi alla seggiola!_"

Jonathan grumbled, "_Quella gente che dirà?_"

Charlotte continued her song:

"_Ed assaporo allor la bramosia  
sottil che dagli occhi traspira  
e dai palesi vezzi intender sa  
alle occulte beltà.  
Cosi l'effluvio del desio  
tutta m'aggira.  
Felice mi fa, felice mi fa._"

Now Jonathan was enraged:

"_Quel canto scurrile  
mi muove la bile,  
mi muove la bile!_"

Charlotte sang some more:

"_E tu che sai, che memori e ti struggi,  
da me tanto rifuggi?  
So ben: le angoscie tue  
non le vuoi dir,  
ma ti senti morir._"

As Charlotte sang, Melinda whispered to Chas:

"_Io vedo ben che quella poveretta  
tutta invaghita di Marcello ell'è!_"

At the end of "Musetta's Waltz," Charlotte was hugging Drew, who returned the embrace.

And that's when Chas' mind switched back to reality. Drew and Charlotte were no longer Marcello and Musetta, but they were Caesar and Cleopatra.

Melinda then gazed at Chas and said, "I think there's something here that might interest the both of us."

She was referring to a jousting arena for those who were trying out for the annual Renaissance Festival.

"Wow!" gasped Chas as he saw it. "If I could joust in the arena, I could be a true knight!"

Chas then said to Melinda, "Come along, then, milady. I pray that thou takest me by the arm."

Linking her arm with his arm, Melinda replied, "I obey thee, Sir Charles!"

"Then thou lovest me?"

"Yes, I love thee."

And they went into the arena together.

Meanwhile, in the rodeo pen, Howard was having a considerably difficult time controlling his horse.

"Help! Help!" he cried. He screamed at his horse, "Whoa! Down, boy! Down!"

But the horse wouldn't listen. He was determined to get Howard off of him! And so, he did! Howard the cowboy was sent flying into a nearby haystack! All those who saw this were howling with laughter.

Betty, dressed as a cowgirl, saw the whole thing, and she went to haystack and said to Howard, "Hey, do I know you?"

As soon as Howard saw Betty, he remembered how annoying she had been to him when they were in grade school, and he cried out, "Oh, no! Not Betty! No!"

But as Howard squirmed, he was surprised to find that Betty was trying to help him out of the hay. And once she got him out of the hay, he began to think, "I guess she really likes me after all…"

Back in the jousting arena, at 2 pm, all in the swap meet came to the tournament. And one of the adversaries was none other than Chas Finster, a.k.a. Sir Charles. He mounted his horse, grabbed his lance, lowered his visor, and rode out into the arena.

The other guy, a huge, muscular knight astride a charger, felt confident that he was going to cream Sir Charles like a chef creams corn.

As soon as the trumpeter sounded his horn, the two knights charged at each other. At first, Sir Charles was losing his confidence because of how big his opponent was…

But as soon as he saw his fair Lady Melinda, waving her handkerchief at him, he smiled. Boosted by his love for a pretty lady, Sir Charles lowered his lance, drove his horse at full charge, and headed straight for his opponent, who thought he was crazy!

CRASH!

Sir Charles had knocked his opponent off his horse. In any less chivalrous affairs, Chas would have been allowed to beat the tar out of that big lummox! But Sir Charles refused. He spared his opponent, and why? Because he was a true knight.

And the audience, especially Lady Melinda, loved him for it…

Chas decided to celebrate his victory by rearing up his horse in triumph. However, he found the horse's rearing position unstable, and he fell off his horse and to his feet, whereupon he slipped in some mud.

Chas wasn't hurt, but he was covered with mud. The entire audience laughed. Even Melinda couldn't help but giggle at the sight. But she stopped laughing as soon as she saw that Chas was flushed with embarrassment.

So, to the astonishment of everyone else, Melinda got up from her seat and approached Chas.

"Are you okay, Sir Charles?" she asked.

Chas replied, grinning bashfully, "Oh, heh-heh, sorry, milady. I fell in the mud."

"Well, as soon as you've cleaned yourself off, I'd like to invite you on a date next Saturday. Is that okay with you?"

Chas gave an ear-to-ear grin and sighed, "I'd be glad to, milady!"

And so, Melinda helped him out of the mud and led him out the arena, saying, "Come to my backyard. We have a hose there that's sure to spray you nice and clean."

And in her father's backyard, Melinda sprayed Chas with the hose to clean him off. This made Chas laugh, not only because he was very ticklish, but because he always liked taking shower baths to keep himself nice and clean.

That night, once everyone had had their fun, it was time for our friends to go home.

Chas was carrying an old American flag while Howard on the fife and Stu and Drew on the drums were playing "The Girl I Left Behind Me." Behind them, Charlotte was talking to Jonathan on her brick phone, Boris and Minka were holding hands, and Didi and Betty were carrying Melinda on their shoulders.

Presently, however, Chas had an idea. Since he was a knight, he should sweep Melinda off her feet, so he left his position, leaving Boris with the flag.

And so, Chas, Melinda's knight in shining armor, mounted his charger, took Melinda off Didi and Betty's shoulders, and placed her on the horse as well. Chas and Melinda embraced each other, because they were in love with each other.

For the first time in ten years, all the friends were paired: Stu and Didi, Drew and Charlotte, Howard and Betty, and especially, Chas and Melinda. Within five years, these four couples would go on dates, get married, and have children of their own, but all that is another story.


	17. Charles' First Date

_All the couples (Charles and Melinda, Drew and Charlotte, Stu and Didi, and Howard and Betty) have been paired for the first time since high school, and they are now dating. After a romantic dinner at an Italian restaurant, Charles invites Melinda to the opera. Stu, Drew, and their respective girlfriends go to the opera too, as does Lou, but Howard and Betty are much more interested in seeing a football game…_

Time passed quickly. Pretty soon, on the first Saturday of November, Chas and Melinda were about to go on their first date. As Melinda got dressed for the occasion, wearing a blue dress, she heard her doorbell ring.

Melinda opened the door and saw Howard. "Oh, hi, Melinda," he said, smiling.

"Hey, Howard, how are things going for you?" asked Melinda.

"Not too bad. You remember back in grade school when you told me that Betty was picking on me because she didn't have the guts to say that she loves me?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, you were right. Turns out all those times she poked me with her index finger, slapped my back, and nearly beat me up, she was just showing her affection for me!"

"Well, congratulations."

"That's why we're going on our first date, and I got a secret…" Howard showed Melinda a pair of fake muscles. "Muscle arms!"

Melinda looked dumbfounded. "You really think that'll work?"

"It has to," Howard replied as he put the muscles on his arms. "What would impress a girl of her stature than a guy with a similar build?"

And before Melinda could say anything, Howard rushed off to his first date with Betty.

Melinda sighed, "Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him."

Meanwhile, Chas was getting ready for his own date. He wore a black and white tuxedo with a green bow tie. He had taken a shower and sprayed himself with a little cologne to make himself extra neat and clean for this, his first date.

Presently, he heard a knock on his door. He went to the door and opened it to find Stu and Drew, also dolled up for their own dates.

"Oh, hey, guys," said Chas.

"Hi, Chas," said Drew.

"So, you're getting ready for a date too?" asked Stu.

"Yes," said Chas. "I don't know where we're going, but Melinda told me that she'll show me when I see her."

Just then, he heard Melinda's car horn.

"That must be her!" he cried, and he rushed up to her car.

As soon as Chas got inside her car, Melinda handed him a blindfold and said, "Just put this on. You're really going to like this place!"

Chas put the blindfold over his eyes.

Just then, Melinda started the engine and drove off to her destination. As Stu and Drew saw this, Stu said to Drew, "Come on, let's go on our own dates. Didi awaits me at the kosher restaurant she's been telling me about!"

"Kosher restaurant?" asked Drew.

"Didn't you know? Didi's Jewish. Her parents come from Russia."

"Wow! The more you know…"

And Stu and Drew went to their own cars to go on their dates with Didi and Charlotte respectively…

A little later, Melinda had pulled over at an Italian restaurant. She led the blindfolded Chas to the entrance and said to him, "You may take off your blindfold now!"

Chas took off his blindfold and saw that he and Melinda were standing in front of an Italian restaurant. He smiled as Melinda asked him, "Do you like it?"

Chas replied, "I love it, Melinda. I hope we'll get to share our first kiss there!"

Melinda added, "I hope so too."

And so, Chas and Melinda entered the Italian restaurant, unaware that they were being watched… by Minka Kropotkin.

Meanwhile, at the kosher restaurant, Minka's husband Boris was watching his daughter Didi on her date with the Gentile Stu Pickles. He saw it all.

Stu held the door open for Didi, but he accidentally whacked her on the head in the process. As soon as Didi shook it off, she and Stu couldn't take their eyes off each other, but Stu ended up bumping into a waiter, making him spill a tray of drinks! The patrons couldn't stop laughing at the funny man Didi was going out with.

But when the waiter asked them, "What kind of water would you like?" both Stu and Didi said, "Sparkling."

As soon as the waiter came back with the sparkling water, he asked the couple, "May I take your orders?"

Stu gave his order in turn: "I'd like a beef steak with a side of kosher fries. And for Didi, a chicken soup for starters, and some roast pheasant as the main course."

Didi smiled. Stu was being so romantic!

As soon as the waiter wrote down the order, he went back to the kitchen so the chefs could make the dishes.

Boris watched all this and thought, "This Stu fellow may be a Gentile, but he's a genteel Gentile. I think he's quite a catch for my Didila."

Later, as Stu and Didi were eating their meals, Didi accidentally spilled some of her soup onto Stu's lap, causing him to scream in pain and fall onto a dessert cart with spiced honey cakes.

"Oh, my goodness!" cried Didi. "Stu, let me help you up!"

But as Didi tried to help him up, she slipped on the cakes…

Meanwhile, at the Italian restaurant, Chas' date with Melinda was going much more smoothly. They had ordered a big plate of spaghetti when Minka, watching the two lovebirds, overheard them having a romantic conversation.

Chas sighed, "Remember the time when we first met?"

"How could I forget?" Melinda replied. "We were in fourth grade, and I had just moved across the street from you and your folks. And when I first saw you, I thought, I'll love him until the day I die."

"Melinda, you always know what to say…"

"Of course, I do, Charles. I could never find a man as sweet or as sensitive as you."

As Chas and Melinda gazed lovingly at each other, Minka stealthily snuck over to the restaurant's DJ and whispered something into his ear. The DJ nodded and played a record on his jukebox. It was the duet "O soave fanciulla" from Puccini's _La Bohême_.

As the waiter placed the plate of spaghetti on Chas and Melinda's table, the young lovers could hear the tenor's voice singing from the jukebox:

"_O soave fanciulla, o dolce viso,  
di mite circonfuso alba lunar,  
in te ravviso il sogno  
ch'io vorrei sempre sognar!_"

As the tenor reached a climactic high note, Chas and Melinda got the same strand of spaghetti and, as they slurped it, his lips met hers, and they got to share their love's first kiss.

Meanwhile, at the kosher restaurant, it was when Didi slipped on the honey cakes and landed right on top of Stu that her lips met his. All the patrons gasped as they saw Stu and Didi sharing a long and passionate kiss.

All this was occurring at the same time the tenor was joined by a soprano voice on the jukebox at the Italian restaurant.

Soprano: "_Ah, tu sol comandi, amor!_"

Tenor: "_Fremon già nell'anima  
le dolcezze estreme._"

Soprano: "_Tu sol comandi, amore!_"

Tenor: "_Fremon nell'anima  
dolcezze estreme,  
fremon dolcezze estreme!  
Nel bacio freme amor!_"

Soprano: "_Oh! come dolci scendono  
le sue lusinghe al core…  
Tu sol comandi, amor!_"

When Boris watched his Didi kiss Stu, he knew in his heart that Stu was the right man for his little girl, "even if he's a Gentile," he thought.

When Minka saw Chas and Melinda kissing each other, she wiped a tear of joy from her eye. She also knew in her heart that the two were meant for each other.

As soon as Chas and Melinda parted from their kiss, Melinda asked, "Hey, Charles, is that _La Bohême_?"

"It certainly is," said Chas.

"The Act I duet 'O soave fanciulla'?"

Chas gazed at Melinda. "How did you know where it's from?"

Melinda replied, "I know where it's from because my dad took me to see it when I was twelve."

"Really?"

"Yes, he told me that this was his and my mom's favorite opera when they were young. He's always wept at the final scene because it reminds him of what happened to my mom."

"Gee, I'm sorry for him. When I was a sixth grader, I wept during the final scene simply because the story overwhelmed me. To this day, I don't listen to it too often because every time I get to the end… Niagara Falls."

"Niagara Falls?"

"Yeah… well, if you need a good cry, I'd like to invite you to the opera."

"Really? You'd do that?"

"We could invite five or six friends!"

"I'd love to go to the opera with you!"

And once they had paid the check, Chas and Melinda left the Italian restaurant linked arm-to-arm as the tenor and soprano sang from the jukebox:

"_Amor! Amor! Amor!_"

Minka saw the whole thing and sighed. She was right the whole time. Charles Finster and Melinda Cavanaugh really were meant for each other…

The next day, Sunday, at church, Chas whispered to his friends: "Drew, come over to my house, and bring Charlotte!" "Stu, come over to my house, and bring Didi!" "Howard, come over to my house, and bring Betty!"

And so, before long, Stu, Drew, Howard, and their respective girlfriends came to Chas' house, where he and Melinda were waiting. Stu rang the doorbell, and Chas opened the door to see his friends.

"Hey, Chas, great!" cried Stu. "And I see that Melinda's with you."

"My affection for Charles is only getting stronger," said Melinda.

"And mine for Melinda," sighed Chas.

Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, Howard, and Betty soon all got into Chas' house and took their seats in his living room.

Chas said to the others, "I have called this meeting because I have invited Melinda to the opera, and I would like to take six friends."

"The opera, huh?" asked Drew, intrigued. "Which one? _Carmen_? _Tosca_? _Die Walküre_?"

"No, guys," said Melinda. "_La Bohême_. Now that we've all been paired up, Charles figured that this was the perfect romantic opera for all of us to see."

"I don't know, you guys," said Stu. "I remember when our music teacher took us to see _La Bohême_ back when I was in the eleventh grade. I cried like a baby at the ending."

Didi placed a reassuring hand on Stu's shoulder and said to him, "Then when we see it, we can have a good cry together."

"What day will they stage this opera?" asked Charlotte.

Chas replied, "On Friday."

But Howard and Betty were not opera fans.

"Actually, Betty and I were planning to see a football game that day," said Howard.

Betty added, "You know how much we enjoy football. But you guys can go on without us!"

This miffed Stu, who said to Howard, "Surely, you must have heard of _La Bohême_! If you had, you wouldn't pass it up for some football game!"

Howard replied, "Well, I don't really like opera."

"You'd have to be an uncultured swine not to like opera!"

Didi broke up the argument and said to Stu, "Now, dear, we'll watch what we like, and Howard and Betty will watch what they like."

Chas sighed, "Well, I was hoping Howard and Betty would come along with us, but if they don't want to, who are we to force them? Meeting is adjourned."

And so, everyone went back home, with Betty commenting to herself, "Men! Except for Howard, all they ever talk about is opera!"

"We do not!" cried Stu, who had heard it within earshot. But then, he told Didi, "Time to put on the Luciano Pavarotti tape I just bought."

And so, he put the tape into the car, and he and Didi were listening to Luciano Pavarotti singing "La donna è mobile" on the way home.

Meanwhile, Stu's insult finally sunk into Howard, who asked in an annoyed manner, "Wait, did he just call me an uncultured swine?"

At the Pickles' residence, Lou, who was Stu's father, overheard his son muttering something under his breath.

"What's the matter, son?" asked Lou.

Stu replied, "Chas and Melinda offered to take us to the opera, but while Didi and I accepted, while Drew and Charlotte accepted, Howard and Betty declined the offer because the opera house so happened to be staging _La Bohême_ on the very same night as their precious football game!"

Lou gazed at Stu, who added, "Not that I don't like football, but you'd have to be an uncultured swine to pass up an opera for a football game that happens to be scheduled for the same day."

Didi then said, "In other words, Charles and Melinda are disappointed that Howard and Betty aren't going with us to the opera this Friday."

Lou replied, "Well, you can tell your friends that I'll be joining them to the opera come Friday! Why, when I was a sprout, we were lucky even to see a play, let alone a silent movie! In fact, I had to wait until I was fifteen years old before I saw my first opera!"

Stu and Didi were pleased. "They'll be glad to hear it!" cried Stu. "They'll be glad to hear it!"

That Friday, the Multiplex Opera House was about to be packed. Chas, Melinda, Drew, Charlotte, Stu, Didi, and Lou had come to the building to see Puccini's _La Bohême_. Drew said to Charlotte, "You know, Charlotte, I still can't believe that all Howard and Betty could think about was sports!"

"Ah, I'm sure they'll be fine," said Charlotte. Then, she turned to her brick phone and said, "Jonathan, I can't talk to you now. I'm about to go see an opera with my boyfriend." And she turned off her phone.

Melinda then said to the others, "Well, guys, we've got everything: programs, librettos, even the box of Kleenex Charlotte requested."

Charlotte said to Melinda, "Well, my make-up runs badly whenever I cry, so I'm gonna need the tissues."

"Great!" shouted Stu. "Then that's everything!"

"I don't know, Stu," said Chas. "_La Bohême_ may have been my first opera, but it was also the first time I wept. Maybe if we brought _two_ boxes of Kleenex instead of just one?"

"Gee, I don't know," Stu replied. "What do you think, guys?"

Needless to say, Drew, Charlotte, Didi, and Lou all turned down Chas' suggestion, noisily.

"_You're_ not wearing make-up, Charles!" cried Didi.

"Stick it in your ear!" said Drew.

Lou shouted, "That's stupid!"

But Melinda didn't make fun of Chas' request.

Inside the opera house, Chas, Melinda, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, and Lou were all seated, ready to see Puccini's greatest opera in full view of an auditorium full of operagoers, many of whom had been avid opera fans from childhood.

"We're in for a treat to-night, aren't we, Charles?" said Melinda.

"You bet we are, Melinda," said Chas.

Drew turned to Charlotte and said, "I gotta admit, this is my first time seeing this particular opera. I mean, I've heard about it ever since the sixth grade, but I've never seen it before to-night."

Charlotte replied, "Oh, you haven't seen anything yet! I first saw this opera when I was in fifth grade, after I had first wept! You're going to enjoy it!"

Presently, the orchestra played the opening music of _La Bohême_ as Lou whispered to the young adults, "Sh! The opera's starting!"

And the curtain rose to show Rodolfo the poet and Marcello the painter at work…

Meanwhile, at the sports arena, Howard and Betty were busy watching the football game. Betty was eating pork rinds from a bag, while Howard, having brought his knitting equipment, was busy knitting a scarf for the winter.

"Shame our friends had to miss out on this," said Howard to Betty. "This game's going great!"

"I'll say!" said Betty, and she shouted at the players, "Come on, ya big bozos! Go get 'em!"

"Do you think they'll be okay?" asked Howard. "Our friends, I mean, not the players."

Betty replied, "Come on, Howie, opera is just grown men and women playing dress-up and singing in a language you don't even understand. I'm sure they're as right as rain."

And she grabbed some more pork rinds from her bag to eat them…

Two hours later, at the opera house, _La Bohême_ was reaching its end. Mimi, who was dying, was surrounded by her boyfriend Rodolfo, and by Marcello and Musetta. Mimi sang to Rodolfo:

"_Qui, amor… sempre con te!  
Le mani… al caldo… e dormire…_"

And with that, she closed her eyes.

Chas, Melinda, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, and Lou saw the whole thing. Didi and Melinda each pulled a Kleenex from the box to try to dry her eyes, although Charlotte was using up most of the tissues to prevent her mascara from running.

Rodolfo asked Marcello: "_Che ha detto il medico?_"

Marcello replied: "_Verrà._"

Musetta sang a quiet prayer for Mimi:

"_Madonna benedetta,  
fate la grazia a questa poveretta  
che non debba morire…  
Qui ci vuole un riparo  
perché la fiamma sventola…  
Cosi…  
E che possa guarire.  
Madonna santa, io sono  
indegna di perdono,  
mentre invece Mimì  
è un angelo del cielo._"

As Musetta sang, Stu turned to Chas, tears rolling down his face, and said, "I-if anyone ever tells me I cried over an opera, I'll just tell them they're crazy."

Chas replied, his voice broken with emotion, "Just let it out, Stu. Let it out."

Rodolfo asked: "_Io spero ancora. Vi pare che sia grave?_"

Musetta replied: "_Non credo._"

But Schaunard the musician approached Marcello and whispered: "_Marcello, è spirata._"

At this point, Lou began to weep like a father who had lost his child.

Colline the philosopher entered and said: "_Musetta, a voi._"

Drew could feel tears running down both his cheeks as Charlotte began to sob into his chest.

Meanwhile, onstage, Colline asked Rodolfo, "_Come va?_"

Rodolfo replied, "_Vedi, è tranquilla._" But then, he saw that his friends were very sad, and he asked, "_Che vuol dire? Quell'andare e venire… Quel guardarmi cosi?_"

As the orchestra sounded the fortissimo chords that announced Mimi's death to the audience, Marcello cried out: "_Coraggio._"

In anguish, Rodolfo, himself in tears, ran to Mimi's bedside and cried out, "MIMI! MIMI!"

By now, the entire audience was weeping, among them Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, Lou, Chas, and Melinda.

"I told you this called for _two_ boxes of Kleenex!" sobbed Chas as he blew his nose into a tissue.

Once the music was over and the curtain fell, everyone rose up and applauded the singers as they emerged for their curtain calls.

"Bravo! Bravo!" cried Chas with tears streaming down his face.

"Bravissimo!" cried Melinda as she smiled through her own tears.

And as soon as they had dried each other's tears, Chas and Melinda kissed each other. For them and all their friends, there was nothing like a sad story that would give them a good cry, which they hadn't had in a long time.

And the singers took their bows as the audiences applauded and shouted with joy.


	18. The Wedding

_Some newlywed couples (Stu and Didi, Howard and Betty, and Drew and Charlotte, the last of whom has just had a daughter) attend a wedding at a multiplex wedding mall, where several weddings take place at once. Who is this wedding for? Why, Charles Finster and Melinda Cavanaugh, of course!_

It was the spring of 1986. Chas and Melinda, as of yet unmarried, were attending a wedding. Surrounding them were their good friends Howard, Betty, Drew, Charlotte, old Lou, and, seated right next to Melinda, Minka. The groom: Stu Pickles. The bride: Didi Kropotkin, who was being led in by her father Boris to Mendelssohn's "Wedding March."

The congregation was amazed to see Didi in her bridal dress, so white and beautiful.

Chas sighed, "Isn't Didi radiant?"

"She sure is," said Melinda.

Then, Minka whispered to the two young lovers, "Can you believe that we had to spend three days looking for our Didila? She really had cold feet!"

Chas and Melinda had to stifle their laughter upon hearing that.

As soon as Boris had led Didi down the aisle, he stood by, taking his seat next to Minka.

The reverend spoke to Stu, "Stuart Pickles, wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?"

Stu answered, "I will."

The reverend turned to Didi and spoke, "Didila Kropotkin, wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love him, comfort him, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?"

Didi answered, "I will."

The reverend then said to Stu and Didi, "Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

And Stu and Didi kissed each other amid the cheers of the congregation. Minka herself shed tears of joy as Boris gently patted her back. They knew their daughter was happy with her new husband.

As Stu carried Didi down the aisle, Didi tossed her bouquet to her friends. Melinda reached for it, only for it to be caught by Betty, who cried out, "Look, Howie! I caught the bouquet!"

Howard replied, "That means we're gonna get married one day, and very soon too!"

Melinda was disheartened, until Chas said to her, "Don't worry, Melinda. We'll also get married someday."

For Chas and Melinda, "someday" proved further away than they thought. All through 1987, they saw Howard and Betty's wedding, during which Betty carried Howard down the aisle after tossing her bouquet, and Drew and Charlotte's wedding, during which Drew carried Charlotte as she tossed her own bouquet.

But by the time they were 30 years old, Chas and Melinda, while they had been dating for nearly two years, were still unmarried.

However, all that was about to change…

It was in November 1987. Chas and Melinda were at the mall, looking for a place to have some lunch, when they came across Drew and Charlotte, who seemed to be shopping for baby clothes. It didn't take long for Chas and Melinda to see why: Charlotte was pregnant, and she was telling Jonathan all about it on her cell phone. Chas and Melinda knew that Drew and Charlotte had been married for a few months now, but it seemed all so sudden to see Charlotte pregnant already.

"How long have you been pregnant, Charlotte?" asked Melinda.

Charlotte tried to remember, but she had been working so hard she barely had enough time off her phone to have a decent conversation, let alone remember how long she had been pregnant. So, Drew reminded her, "Three months, Char."

"Three months! Yes!" Charlotte recalled.

"Congratulations," Chas said with a smile.

But Drew noticed a sad look in his red-headed friend's eyes. "You okay, Chas?"

Chas sighed, "Well, it's just that Melinda and I are thirty years old, and we're not even married yet."

"Not even married?" gasped Charlotte. "That's what happens when you get too attached to each other!"

"What do you mean?" asked Melinda.

Charlotte said to Melinda, "You guys are still young. There are plenty of fish in the sea."

"But none like Charles." And Melinda kissed Chas' cheek, making him smile genuinely.

What did Charlotte know about what Melinda saw in Chas? After all, Charlotte's own husband, Drew Pickles, was a handsome man, soon to be the father of her baby. But Melinda loved Chas because he was such a sweet guy, and Chas loved Melinda because she was such a caring young lady. All that time they had spent dating was so they could get to know each other before getting married…

Six months passed quickly, and one fine day, on May 12, 1988, Charlotte's water broke! She was about to give birth! They were now in the hospital together: Stu with Didi, Chas with Melinda, and Lou too. Drew was inside the delivery room with Charlotte.

In the waiting room, Chas was furtively holding a small box in his hand. As he pocketed it in his pants, he heard Lou shout, "Can you believe this? I'm gonna be a grandpa!"

Melinda, seated next to Chas, turned to Stu and asked, "How do you feel, Stu?"

Stu, even more excited about this than his father, cried out, "Well, you know, very excited! I've never been an uncle before!"

"And theirs was a lovely wedding," Didi added.

"Is it really gonna be a girl?" asked Chas.

"That's what the doctors said," Didi replied. "I even got this box of cookies for the occasion. You want some?" She showed Chas and Melinda a box of pink cookies shaped like female symbols.

Stu, Chas, Melinda, and Lou each took a cookie to snack on as they waited.

While Stu was jumping up and down like a little kid, eager to meet his newborn niece, Chas gazed at Melinda. He was nervous, not knowing what to say to the woman he loved.

He turned to her and said, "Melinda…"

But Melinda said, "Isn't this exciting? I never had any siblings to fondle over, so this will be my chance to see a baby up close and personal."

Chas replied, "Um, yes… I'm an only child myself, but what I was going to say is that…"

"Of course, Stu here appears to be more open about his excitement."

Indeed, he was. Stu sighed, "How long does it take a woman to give birth anyway?"

"Stu, be patient," giggled Didi.

"Has Drew settled on any names?" Chas asked Stu.

Stu replied, "I suggested Trixie after our late mother, but Drew thinks Angelica would suit her better. He told me that any daughter of his would be a little angel, so Angelica Pickles."

"It has a nice ring to it," Didi smiled as she held Stu's hand. "If we have a daughter, we can name her Trixie if you want."

Stu smiled fondly at her, "Thanks… I love you, Deed, but there's no love like the love from your own mother."

Time passed slowly. As Chas gazed at Melinda, and Stu at Didi, they all wondered how Drew must be feeling at that moment. And Chas himself looked at the box he had been holding, wondering how he would put what he was about to say to Melinda.

Finally, after several hours, the doors broke open, and Charlotte was holding her baby in her arms. She was being pushed in a wheelchair by a nurse, and by her side was Drew, her proud husband. And Drew had every right to be proud, because he was the father of a baby girl, swaddled in a pink blanket.

And the mother was doing fine. In fact, Charlotte was talking to Jonathan on her phone, which was rested upon her shoulder: "It's a girl, Jonathan! Her name's…"

Because she forgot her own daughter's name, Drew whispered into her ear, "Angelica."

Charlotte continued, "Angelica… What? No, don't be silly! Of course, I'll be back in the office to-morrow! You can look forward to it!"

And when Chas, Melinda, Stu, Didi, and Lou saw Drew and Charlotte's baby girl Angelica, they instantly fell in love.

"Oh, Charlotte," said Didi. "She's beautiful!"

Baby Angelica looked up from her mother's arms and saw her Aunt Didi holding a cookie in her hand. She grunted, trying to reach for the cookie, but Didi chuckled, "No, you're too little to have a cookie."

And Angelica began to cry. Not getting the cookie broke her heart.

This embarrassed Chas, who said to Melinda, "Um, now may not be the proper time or place."

"For what?" asked Melinda.

"We'll discuss it later."

Stu was covering his ears to block out his niece's crying. "She's got quite a set of pipes, doesn't she, Drew?" he shouted.

Drew replied loudly, "You can't blame me! I don't know where she gets it from!"

Chas was also covering his ears. "Anything we can do about it?!" he screamed.

Presently, Melinda got an idea. She asked Charlotte, "May I hold your baby?"

"Much good that'll do," sighed Charlotte as she handed Angelica to Melinda.

Melinda cradled the fussy baby in her arms and began to soothe her, "Sh… sh… don't cry, Angelica. It's nice to finally meet you. You are such a sweet little baby, and your mommy and daddy are lucky to have you for their daughter."

At these words, Angelica stopped crying. She then smiled and lifted her tiny arm to touch Melinda's face.

Upon seeing this, all who were present were amazed and uplifted. Tears welled up in Drew's eyes. He and Charlotte knew that it was their baby girl that Melinda comforted.

As Melinda gently handed Angelica back to Charlotte, Stu asked Didi, "How does she do that?"

Once Chas, Melinda, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, and Lou were out of the hospital with the newborn Angelica in Charlotte's arms, Chas led Melinda to a nearby fountain.

It was then when Chas asked Melinda, "I've been meaning to ask you, how were you able to comfort Angelica? She was crying up a storm!"

Melinda calmly replied, "Well, my parents and I used to raise baby farm animals when I was little. It's just instinct, I guess."

"You would make such a good mother," Chas sighed.

"And I'm sure you'd make such a great father, Charles," Melinda whispered.

Chas then knelt before Melinda and said to her, "Melinda, I may not be the strongest, richest, or even the most handsome man…"

"Charles, are you doing what I think you're doing?" Melinda asked with budding joy.

"Melinda Cavanaugh," said Chas as he looked her dead in the eye and opened his small box, revealing an engagement ring, "will you become my bride?"

Melinda's heart fluttered as she looked into his eyes. She was so happy that someone she could truly love and trust just asked her that question. She had dreamed of this moment right from the age of nine, but she never expected to hear it spoken so sweetly and beautifully. With tears of joy in her eyes, she embraced Chas and cried out, "Yes! I would love to become Mrs. Charles Finster!"

And once Chas placed the engagement ring on Melinda's finger, he returned the embrace…

Not long thereafter, in June 1988, Chas and Melinda's wedding was about to be held at the Chapel of the Bells multiplex wedding mall. Among the other guests, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, Angelica, Howard, and Betty were joined by Stu and Drew's father, Didi's parents, Chas' parents, and Melinda's father.

"Ah, how time flies, Marvin!" sighed Shirley. "Our little boy Charles is finally getting married! Why, it seems like only yesterday he was running around with a diaper on his head!"

"That _was_ only yesterday, Shirley," Marvin replied. "He told us about the time he and Melinda tried their hand at babysitting Angelica."

"Oh, yeah," Shirley chuckled.

Presently, Chas the groom entered, dressed in a black-and-white tuxedo, this time with a red bowtie. He said to his parents, "Mom, Dad, how do I look?"

"You look handsome, Charles!" said Shirley joyfully.

"That's my boy!" cried Marvin. "You're finally settling down!"

But Melinda's father, Christian, seemed to look a little sad, although no one noticed in all their joy over the upcoming nuptials.

On an aside, Charlotte, who was cradling Angelica in one hand and holding her cell phone in another, was talking to Melinda the bride, who was wearing a light pink wedding dress and veil.

Charlotte asked, "Are you sure you wanna marry a man like Charles Finster? I mean, no offense, but he's so… frail, and pasty-faced."

Melinda replied, "I'm pretty sure, Charlotte. Charles is very sweet, and he has such a big heart."

"But you could have married Chad from accounting. He's a big, strong man with dominance. That's how Drew won me over. And Chad from accounting still has his appendix."

"Charlotte… I only want to marry Charles. We're already at our wedding ceremony."

"Okay, okay…" said Charlotte, and she returned to her cell phone to talk to Jonathan: "I'm at another friend's wedding now…"

Later, in an outdoor courtyard which one of the doors led to, Chas, as the groom, stood at the altar in front of the minister. It was then when Melinda, as the bride, was led in by her father Christian as a chorus sang the famous Bridal Chorus from _Lohengrin_:

"_Treulich geführt ziehet dahin,  
wo euch der Segen der Liebe bewahr'!  
Siegreicher Mut, Minnegewinn  
eint euch in Treue zum seligsten Paar.  
Streiter der Tugend, schreite voran!  
Zierde der Jugend, schreite voran!  
Rauschen des Festes seid nun entronnen,  
Wonne des Herzens sei euch gewonnen!  
Duftender Raum, zur Liebe geschmückt,  
nehm' euch nun auf, dem Glanze entrückt.  
Treulich geführt ziehet nun ein,  
wo euch der Segen der Liebe bewahr'!  
Siegreicher Mut, Minne so rein  
eint euch in Treue zum seligsten Paar,  
zum seligsten Paar._"

Once he had led his daughter to the altar, Christian returned to his seat, biting his finger to try to hold back the tears.

It was then when the minister stated, "Dearly Beloveds and Honored Guests: We are gathered here this day in the sight of God and the company assembled to witness the giving and receiving of the marriage vows. Marriage is an institution ordained of God and is not to be entered into lightly or in jest and only after much consideration."

As the minister thus spoke, Marvin and Shirley noticed that Christian was weeping. Marvin said, "Calm down, Christian. It's just a wedding. Don't think of it so much losing your daughter as gaining a son, _our_ son."

"I can't help it," sobbed Christian. "Melinda looks so much like her mother."

The minister turned to Chas and asked, "Do you, Charles Finster, take this woman, Melinda Cavanaugh, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto her till death do you part?"

"I-I do," stammered Chas as sweat poured down his face.

The minister turned to Melinda and asked, "Do you, Melinda Cavanaugh, take this man, Charles Finster, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, to love, honor and obey, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto him till death do you part?"

Melinda beamed, "I do!"

And the minister stated, "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

And as Chas kissed Melinda, the orchestra began to play Mendelssohn's "Wedding March."

Nearly all of the guests cheered for the new bride and groom as Marvin took a photo of Melinda kissing Chas in return. It would be the photo Chas would always treasure.

Once their photo had been taken, Chas took Melinda in his arms and carried her to the reception hall as she tossed her bouquet to her bridesmaids. Naturally, the bridesmaids scrambled to get it!

During the reception, Chas cut the wedding cake and fed Melinda the first slice. From there, after Chas had gotten himself a slice of cake, the rest of the wedding guests got to help themselves. Among all the other guests, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, Howard, Betty, Lou, Boris, and Minka each got a slice of cake to consume.

Once Chas had finished eating his slice, he saw that his father-in-law was crying his eyes out. He and Melinda approached Christian, and Chas said, "Don't cry, Mr. Cavanaugh, unless you're crying tears of joy?"

Melinda looked at Chas and said, "My dad _always_ cries at weddings. And do you really think his tears are so joyful?"

Christian gave a sad sigh. "How can I be happy when I'm thinking about my own wedding? I remember it well back in December of '56. I stood by the altar with my bride by my side. The minister said those exact words you heard. You two may have married on a bright and sunny day, Melinda, but your mother and I married with the first snow of the season. We had a winter wedding.

"Then, Melinda, you were born, and your mother and I raised you as well as any parent would, until your mother died four months shy of our tenth anniversary…"

And again, Christian wept bitterly in spite of the joys surrounding him.

This made both Chas and Melinda very upset. They no longer had any appetite for wedding cake.

"There, there, dad," said Melinda as she stroked her father's quivering shoulders.

Chas approached Melinda and said, "Gosh, Melinda. That's awful. I sure hope I don't cry like that at weddings."

"I'm sure you won't," said Melinda reassuringly. And as soon as she had calmed her father down, she turned to Chas and asked, "Shall we have this dance, Charles?"

Chas smiled and said, "I'll be glad to, Melinda."

And so, Chas and Melinda began to dance to some romantic music the pianist was playing, while Christian smiled through his tears, because he knew that his daughter was happy in spite of his own pain. As for Marvin and Shirley, they just smiled, because they were proud of their son for taking up a wife.

What a joy for young Charles Finster his wedding to Melinda was! Like Drew and Charlotte before them, this newlywed couple was soon to start a family of their own…


	19. Chuckie is Born

_A baby is on the way for Charles and Melinda. Everyone rushes out and goes to the hospital. In the delivery room, the baby is delivered, and to their surprise, it turns out to be a boy, who they name Charles Crandell Finster, Jr. (although everyone will call him "Chuckie")._

_And yes, we're going back into Charles' childhood to explore his near-lifelong desire to become a father before he actually became a father._

Do you remember when young Charles Finster first wanted to be a father? It all started when he was only ten years old…

Back in 1967, young Charles said to his friends, "Being a grown-up is awful! I don't want to grow up!"

It wasn't long before Melinda placed her hand on his shoulder and said, "I understand. Growing up can be scary, but at the same time, growing up can be an adventure."

"Yeah," said Stu. "When you're a grown-up, you get to have a house and get married and maybe even have some babies."

This was a comforting thought for Charles. "Maybe you guys are right," he said. "It'd be kinda nice to get married!" He then turned to Melinda and said, "I'll do it!"

"Great!" cried Stu. "So what do you guys wanna be when you grow up?"

"I wanna be a pro wrestler," said Betty.

"And I wanna be a CEO," said Charlotte.

"As for me, I'd like to be a teacher," said Didi.

"And I want to be a toymaker," said Stu. "What about you, Chas?"

Charles took a good look at Melinda and said, "You know what I think… I think that when I grow up, I wanna get married and become a father…"

And he, Melinda, Stu, Drew, Betty, Didi, and Charlotte all laughed together.

A few months later, during the summer of '67, Melinda came to the Finsters' residence, rang the doorbell, and said to Marvin and Shirley, "Mr. and Mrs. Finster, is Charles at home?"

Marvin replied, "Sure. We'll bring him over."

"Charles!" cried Shirley. "Your friend is here!"

Young Chas came down and saw Melinda who said, "Hi, Charles! You'll never guess what my daddy got me!"

"A movie camera?"

"Nope! I'll show you!"

And Melinda grabbed Chas by the arm and took him to her house.

There, Chas saw what Melinda was referring to. He saw an incubator with an egg inside it and a lamp above it.

Chas was confused. "You're showing me an egg in a glass box with a lamp above it?" he asked.

"Not just any egg," Melinda replied. "A duck egg! And not just any box, an incubator! This lamp, lit above the egg, will keep it warm and allow the duckling inside it to hatch. My daddy says that being a parent is a big responsibility, so if _you_ wanna be a daddy, you gotta start small."

"Oh! I had no idea."

"Now, you do."

And Chas and Melinda sat by, watching the duck egg.

"So, we just wait?" asked Chas.

"That's what my daddy said," Melinda answered.

The incubation period of the duck egg seemed like an eternity for a ten-year-old boy and a nine-year-old girl who was going on ten. Chas and Melinda were to wait for four weeks, each of them taking shifts as they periodically turned the egg, read stories to it, and played lullabies for it. Melinda even once changed the lightbulb in the lamp after it had gone out.

Finally, after four weeks of watching and waiting, Chas and Melinda saw that the duckling was about to hatch. Soon, they heard a faint chirping noise, as if the duckling were trying to call to its mommy. As the two children watched, the duckling made its small but momentous entrance into the world, and as it stretched and straightened itself out, it was imprinting on Chas and Melinda.

Melinda chuckled, "It must think I'm its mommy."

"And it must think I'm its daddy," said Chas.

The two children smiled as they accepted the duckling as their own, for they were getting their first taste of parenthood. And neither of them had even wept yet…

Ten years later, in 1977, Chas was attending college with Howard DeVille, but they were taking different classes. Chas was taking classes like home economics and child psychology, while Howard was taking drama classes. During this time, Chas even made appearances at children's birthday parties as the Amazing Flubbo the Clown, making balloon animals, riding a unicycle, or balancing a stick with three cream pies on his nose. Why? Simply because he liked being around children.

After one birthday party, Howard came to Chas and called him by his real name, "Charles!"

Chas looked back and asked, "Howard?"

Howard asked, "What are you doing dressed up like a clown?"

"Oh, Howard, I think you'll enjoy this job! I've been making birthday clown appearances for about a year now!"

"Birthday clown appearances?"

"Yeah! It pays very well, and you get to interact with the kiddies!"

Howard thought about it a little, then he asked, "Are you sure we'll get lots of spending money from this?"

Chas replied, "You could be my sidekick…"

And so, at the next birthday party Chas had been assigned, he announced to the little guests, "Presenting the Amazing Flubbo and his sidekick Looney Boy!"

Yes, Howard was Looney Boy. Chas pulled on Howard's tie, to the amusement of the kids. He then blew into a balloon and made it into a balloon animal for the birthday boy. While Howard juggled some bowling pins, Chas rode on a unicycle while balancing three cream pies on a stick on his nose. The children were all amused, to the delight of their parents.

Sometimes, though, their routine involved slapstick, which would amuse the guests even more…

Finally, in August of the year 1988, Chas was on his honeymoon with Melinda. They had rented a nice little honeymoon cottage out in the beautiful countryside. There, they would be on their own, with only each other to talk to.

Even after they had been married for two months, Chas still didn't get why Melinda chose him over everyone else. While they were in bed one night, Chas said to his new wife, "You know, Mimi," (for that's what he would call her from that moment onward) "there's been something I've been meaning to tell you that's been bugging me for quite some time."

"What is it, Charles?" asked Melinda.

"Back when I was in sixth grade, I was told that whatever a sixth grader weeps his first adult tears over foreshadows what kind of adult life he will have. For example, if a sixth grader were to weep over a tragic opera by Verdi or Puccini, an event in his adult life will reflect the ending of the opera that made him weep. I'm just afraid I'll lose you."

Melinda chuckled, "Oh, Charles, that's just an old wives' tale."

Chas looked confused. "W-what do you mean?"

"Back when we were sixth graders, I've seen some classmates weep with remorse over their own wrongdoings, and hardly any of them have become priests or rabbis. Other classmates wept over sad movies, and none of them are in Hollywood. Betty told me that she wept with rage at seeing Didi being bullied in school, and she's not in the Army, is she?"

"No…"

"And you, you wept at the ending of _La Bohême_, and look at us now. We're not parted, I'm not dead. Instead, we're married, and nothing else matters."

This made Chas smile a little, for he was thus reassured, and then he asked, "But, Mimi, there's something I still don't get. I love you a lot, but why did you marry me specifically? You could have married any other guy. You could have married Drew. He's richer and more handsome than me."

"Drew is Charlotte's business."

"And I dread to think about what would have happened to you had you married that dirty and obnoxious Rex Pester, now a news reporter!"

"Let Rex bug other people. He was never my concern."

"But… why did you marry me? Why me?"

Melinda sighed happily, "Because, Charles, I wanted you to be the father of my baby."

Again, Chas smiled and said, "That's nice, Mimi…" Then, suddenly, he rose up and cried out, "Wait! The father?! Of _your_ baby?!"

Melinda replied, "My knight in shining armor has captured a stork…"

Chas couldn't believe it. Melinda was pregnant! Although he saw that she had drifted off to sleep, Chas himself couldn't sleep a wink. He knew that being a father had been his lifelong dream, but now, it just seemed all so sudden…

The next day, Chas and Melinda were driving home from their honeymoon cottage to tell all their friends the news. Melinda noticed that Chas was sweating bullets.

"What's the matter, Charles?" she asked.

Chas replied, "Uh… well… I always dreamed of being a father, but…"

"That's okay. Don't be scared. To be honest, I also dreamed of having children since I was a rugrat."

"Wait, what does 'rugrat' even mean?"

"Oh, it's just another word for a small child," Melinda giggled. "What did your dad call you when you were a kid?"

"Slugger," Chas replied sheepishly. "Mom called me her little muffin man. She even had me sleep in a puff pastry crib when I was six months old. I would know because she took a picture of it. I smelled like butter for a week!"

Melinda laughed a little. "Now that I'm pregnant, it's nice to know that you and I are gonna have at least one child of our own. And hey, my father may be comforted by the fact that he's going to be a grandfather."

This got Chas thinking…

After telling his friends the news of his wife's pregnancy, Chas came to Christian's house and said to him, "Mr. Cavanaugh, I'd like to apply for a job."

Christian was confused. "Don't you already have a job?"

"Yes, but the job I'm applying for is the kind of job I've always wanted since I was a kid. This job involves working with children 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and it will last as long as I or the children shall live. And get this, Mr. Cavanaugh, you're the boss."

Christian then smiled and said, "Are you telling me you're going to be a father?"

"Yeah. I've told my parents, I've told my friends, and now, I'm telling _you_."

"Any work experience?"

"Yes. I have no brothers or sisters, but remember in the summer after your daughter and I completed fourth grade? We got to care for the baby duckling you let us hatch. Back in my college days, Howard and I served as birthday clowns for little children's parties. And recently, Melinda and I have babysat our friend's infant daughter."

Christian then said to Chas, "I'll give you and Melinda a few months. Then, I'll see if you've got the job."

Chas smiled, but at the same time, he was nervous. How would he turn out as a father?

A few months later, in December 1988, Melinda was five months pregnant. At the park, she and Chas were going for a stroll when they came across Drew and Charlotte. While Charlotte was blabbering away on her cell phone as usual, Drew was pushing a stroller with a wailing Angelica, now seven months old.

"So, you and Melinda are finally going to have a baby, huh?" Drew asked Chas. "How do ya feel?"

"I-I-I-I don't know," stammered Chas. "It's the kind of job I always wanted, but at the same time, I'm scared."

"Why?"

"Well, ever since Mimi announced she was pregnant…"

"Mimi? Is that what you're calling Melinda now?"

"Yes. By the way, have you been able to calm Angelica down?"

"Not really," said Drew sheepishly. "She really is a fussy baby."

"I think she wants a cookie," said Melinda. "I remember when she was born and she cried when Didi wouldn't let her have a cookie."

"Yeah, right. I've tried everything to get Angelica to stop crying, and I doubt that cookies would help, 'Mimi'!" Drew using Chas' nickname for Melinda mockingly.

Chas was offended. "Hey! I don't make fun of the way you call Charlotte 'Char'!" he shouted as Drew and Charlotte left with Angelica.

Once they had gotten to the sidewalk, however, Drew and Charlotte noticed that Angelica was eating a cookie—which, unbeknownst to them, she had taken off another kid!

"Well, I'll be!" cried Charlotte. "Angelica's stopped crying now!"

"Well, Melinda was right all along," said Drew. "I should tell her I'm sorry if I doubted her."

And from that moment on, Angelica would love cookies. They would certainly help her with her teething problems…

Several months went by. Chas and Melinda were preparing for their new baby. They decorated a spare room in their house and got a crib made by Chas' father Marvin. They also bought as much Dummi Bears merchandise as they could. Chas wasn't so sure about the Dummi Bears himself, but other parents had told him and Melinda that they were a huge hit with the kids.

Finally, in April of 1989, it was time for the baby shower. Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, Howard, and Betty all arrived to give Chas and Melinda presents for their new baby.

"Are you sure it's going to be a boy?" Didi asked.

"Oh, yes, the doctor is very certain," Chas replied.

"What do you think he'll be when he grows up?" asked Stu.

Chas shrugged sheepishly. "Maybe he'll be a bureaucrat like me someday."

"Either way," said Melinda, "this child will be our baby, and I will love him or her no matter what." She opened Drew's present to reveal a pair of small red shoes. "Oh, these are just perfect! Our baby will love them! Thank you, Drew!"

Drew smiled, then turned to Chas and asked, "So, have you thought of any names?"

Chas shrugged again. "My dad thinks we should name the baby after him, but we might change it once we meet our special little guy."

"What about Jonathan?" asked Charlotte.

But Melinda smiled and shook her head. "Thanks, but no thanks, Charlotte. I don't really think that's a good name."

She then asked Drew and Charlotte, "By the way, how's Angelica?"

Charlotte smiled and said, "Great, great! We're already trying to teach her to walk."

On an aside, Stu said to Didi, "Just think, Deed, when we have kids of our own, they could be Angelica's playmates."

And Didi grinned humbly at the thought.

When Melinda saw Howard and Betty at the shower, she cried out, "Howard! Betty! I'm so glad you guys came to our baby shower! I didn't think you cared."

"Well, of course, we do," said Howard.

Betty handed Melinda her present and said, "By the way, we were hoping that your new baby boy would like this."

Melinda opened the present to discover some baseball equipment. "Wow! Thanks, Betty! I hope Charles will be able to play catch with our baby one of these days."

Once the baby shower was over, Chas was taking out the trash when he found Melinda seated at the sewing machine. "Mimi, what are you doing?" he asked.

Melinda replied, "I'm making a teddy bear for the baby. All those gifts our friends gave us are nice, but I want to make something special. There's no better gift than a mother's love."

Chas soon saw that the teddy bear, hand-stitched together, was very soft and fluffy. He said to his wife, "Do you sew often?"

Melinda nodded. "My mom used to sew all the time, from my old baby blankets to the sock monkey she made me for my first birthday."

"I know it's been over twenty years, but do you miss your mom?"

Melinda sighed, "Sometimes… but I know she's watching me from Heaven. She's watching over us, my dad, and the baby."

Chas then embraced his dear wife and cried, "I don't know if I could ever raise the child without you!"

And they both shared a long and tender embrace…

Not long thereafter, on April 15, 1989, just before sunrise, Melinda suddenly woke up with a gasp. Upon hearing this, Chas woke up and asked, "Mimi, what's wrong?"

Melinda gasped, "It's time."

This made Chas very nervous. Frantically, he called Christian on the phone.

Christian woke up, answered the phone, and said drowsily, "Hello…"

"It's time!"

Chas also phoned his parents about the new arrival.

After phoning the hospital, Chas took his wife there as she breathed shakily, seated on a wheelchair. Accompanying him were Marvin, Shirley, and Christian. As soon as Chas had signed himself and Melinda in, a nurse came to the couple and said, "Charles, Melinda, you're right on schedule! How far apart are the pains, dear?"

Melinda was in such pain she squeezed Chas' hand while he was holding hers, so they both screamed at the same time!

The nurse then said, "OK, Melinda, let's go get you settled in."

And the nurse took Melinda down the hallways to the delivery room, with Chas and Christian accompanying her.

As they walked to the delivery room, Chas was so agitated he could hardly breathe. He had to use his inhaler just to catch his breath. What didn't help was what he saw along the way: the simplest cough sounded like a wheeze of death, some people who were staying overnight looked like they had already died. Poor Chas was already squeamish enough at the sight of blood, but seeing it in a hospital nearly made him throw up!

Christian saw that Chas was quivering with terror and said to him, "Calm down, Charles. Your wife's just going to give birth."

In the delivery room, Chas was pacing the floor, nearly sweating blood as he watched Melinda give birth. And once Melinda screamed so loudly that Chas fainted dead away!

Next thing he knew, Christian was saying to him, "Charles, Charles, wake up!"

Chas got up, saying drowsily, "Huh? What? What just happened?"

Christian shouted with joy, "You're hired!"

And Christian revealed to his son-in-law that Melinda, while clearly exhausted from all the labor, was smiling and happy, cradling a newborn baby boy that was swaddled in a blue blanket. "Charles," said Melinda, "would you like to meet our son?"

Chas nodded with a smile.

He saw that his and Melinda's baby boy was as pale as he was, and had inherited his red hair.

"He looks so much like you, Charles," said Melinda. "In fact, I'm naming him after you: Charles Crandall Finster."

"Crandall?" asked Chas. "But _my_ middle name is Norbert."

"Crandall was my mother's maiden name."

Christian sighed wistfully, "Charles Crandall Finster."

"But for short," added Melinda, "we'll call him Chuckie."

"Chuckie Finster," said Chas as tears of joy filled his eyes.

"My little Chuckie…" said Melinda softly as she gently handed her baby boy the bear she had made for him. "This is your bear. He's yours to treasure."

Baby Chuckie put his pudgy arms around the bear just as Marvin and Shirley came in to join Christian as the new grandparents…

Meanwhile, Drew was still trying to teach Angelica, now nearly a year old, how to walk. "Come to Daddy," he said to his little daughter. "Come to Daddy!"

But every time Angelica tried to take her first step, she stumbled and fell on the floor.

"Oh, that's okay," said Drew. "Try again, sweetie."

Angelica tried again, and again stumbled.

"Any luck?" asked Charlotte.

"Nah," said Drew. "I think she's still too little to walk on her own."

Presently, the couple heard a knock on the door. When Drew opened, he saw Chas holding a plate of chocolate cookies!

"Hey, Drew! Guess what?" cried Chas with joy. "I'm a father! I've finally fulfilled my childhood dream! And it's a boy! Have a chocolate cookie!"

As Chas handed him one of the cookies, Drew couldn't help but ask, "Why chocolate cookies?"

Chas replied, "When I was born, my dad handed out cigars to his friends, but since tobacco smoke triggers my asthma, I decided to hand out chocolate cookies to my friends instead."

But once Chas placed the plate of cookies on the table, Angelica saw them. This motivated her to take her first step.

"Look, Drew!" cried Charlotte. "She's walking!"

Drew smiled at the sight of seeing his baby daughter walking, and thinking she was walking towards him, he shouted with joy, "That's it! That's it, cupcake! Come to Daddy! Come to Da…"

But soon, he, Charlotte, and Chas saw that Angelica was walking towards Chas' cookies, not to her father. As Angelica stuffed her face with the cookies, Drew and Charlotte were confused, but Chas was horrified.

"NO!" he screamed as he swiped the plate of cookies from Angelica. "Those cookies are for my friends!"

And Chas stormed out of the house with what few cookies were left from the Angelica ordeal.

April 15, 1989, the day Chuckie Finster was born, was the most joyful day of Charles Finster's life. He and Melinda knew that being parents wasn't going to be easy, but they were sure that, come what may, they would be decent parents and raise Chuckie to adulthood.

Melinda herself made sure that Chuckie spent as much time with her as possible, even as she was tending to her garden. One time, when a butterfly landed on Chuckie's head, Melinda said to him, "It's okay, Chuckie. Don't be scared."

At his mother's calm, warm, reassuring voice, Chuckie wasn't scared of the butterfly. Instead, he clapped with joy as he saw it flutter about…

_Enjoy this happy moment while you can. It won't last much longer…_


	20. Addio, senza rancor

_In April of 1990, Charles and Melinda's son Chuckie is celebrating his first birthday, just a little more than two weeks after Howard and Betty's twins, Phil and Lil, are born. A few days later, however, Melinda is suddenly taken ill. She isn't afraid to go through with a stay in the hospital, but will Charles muster any courage at the idea of losing her?_

On April 15, 1990, baby Chuckie Finster was met with a surprise. His parents, Chas and Melinda Finster, were hanging a "Happy Birthday" streamer over his crib.

"Good morning, little guy," said Chas sweetly.

"Happy birthday!" he and Melinda shouted together as they threw some confetti onto Chuckie.

"You're a whole year old to-day," said Melinda as she cradled him in her arms.

"And you're in for a real treat," said Chas as he tousled his baby son's hair with his hand.

And once the couple had changed their baby's diaper, it was time to set up for the birthday party. Chuckie would be delighted to see the party guests and their gifts for him, but from the day he was born, his father was a genuinely happy man. Charles Finster's joys had indeed reached their zenith!

During the party itself, Chas noticed that his friends had changed a bit. Didi was now pregnant, and she thus had been showing a belly for quite some time.

"How long have you been pregnant?" asked Chas.

"Five months," Didi replied.

"Can you believe it, Chas?!" shouted Stu with joy. "After four years of trying, Didi and I are finally gonna be parents!"

Chas then asked his purple-haired friend, "So, you've applied for a job as a father?"

"Oh, yes, and Boris, my father-in-law, will be my boss from the time our baby is born. Although I don't dread the boss himself as much as I dread the boss' _wife_!"

Presently, Boris and Minka showed up to berate Stu. "You miserable goy schmuck!" scolded Minka. "You took quite a long time to help our daughter give us grandkids!"

"Yes, Mrs. Kropotkin," groaned Stu as Chas tried to stifle his laughter.

Soon, Chas and Melinda came across Howard, whose own wife Betty was conspicuously absent.

Melinda asked him, "Where's Betty?"

"She couldn't come," Howard replied. "She's nursing."

"You mean…" Chas began to ask.

"Yep," Howard answered with a smile. "Just over two weeks ago, I became a father!"

"So, how's the baby?" asked Melinda.

"You mean, how _are_ the _babies_?" corrected Howard.

"So, you're the father of…"

"Yep, Betty and I have had twins: a boy and a girl."

"What are their names?"

"Betty decided to name them Philip and Lillian."

"Phil and Lil DeVille… That has a nice ring to it!"

"Yeah, she's clearly exhausted from having given birth to them, but you should see how Betty nurses them, with Phil on one side and Lil on the other! The other day, she even told me that when she heard their first laugh, she began to laugh along with them. Being the parents of twins is hard work, but for me and Betty, it's all worth it!"

"I'm sure it is," Melinda said with a smile.

Chas then smiled at Melinda and said, "Come along, Mimi. Our baby awaits."

"Yes, Charles," Melinda replied as she and Chas took each other by the hand and came to pick up their little birthday boy, Chuckie Finster…

That night, while this little family was sleeping, Chas had a dream…

It was May 30, 1431. Chas was a medieval French knight named Charles, and he was speaking in a pronounced French accent, "I must rescue Jeanne d'Arc! I must rescue Jeanne d'Arc if it is ze last sing I do!"

Meanwhile, Drew, who was an English knight, had Melinda, who was Joan of Arc, tied to a stake. Drew shouted, speaking in a posh English accent, "The maiden Joan of Arc has been found guilty of the crime of witchcraft! The sentence: DEATH!"

Joan's piercing screams were overheard by Charles the Chevalier, who had arrived in his attempt to rescue the poor girl.

"Do not worry, Jeanne!" cried Charles. "I shall save you!"

But it was no good. As Charles entered the crowd, Drew said to him, "Hello, there! Just in time to watch the little girl burn alive, eh wot?"

"Burn alive?!" screamed Charles. "Let her go, you English pig!"

But Drew smirked as he snapped his fingers. Presently, two burly English guards came to Charles, each man grabbing one of the French knight's arms.

"Jeanne! Jeanne!" he cried, nearly breaking down in tears as he saw Drew set the bundles below Joan on fire.

Knowing that this was the end for her, Joan looked up to the heavens as flames engulfed her.

At this point, Charles the Chevalier broke into sobs, knowing that he had failed his mission to rescue Joan of Arc from the stake.

Back in reality, Chas woke up screaming in an agony of fear!

This awakened Melinda, who asked, "Charles, what's wrong? Did you have a bad dream?"

Chas sighed with relief, "Yeah, it was all just a bad dream. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I lost you."

Melinda smiled and said, "Well, Charles. I'm sure we're going to be all right. After all, we've got good food, a roof over our heads, a baby boy to call our own, and, of course, each other."

With that in mind, Chas smiled with Melinda as they both fell fast asleep.

The next day, Chas and Melinda decided to have an outing with Chuckie. They went to the fair, where they played several games to win prizes for Chuckie. At a milk bottle toss game, Melinda won Chuckie a plush toy moose.

At the pond, Chas caught a fish and told the carnie to mount it on a board. However, when Chas showed the fish to Melinda and Chuckie, Melinda screamed with fright.

"What's wrong, Mimi?" asked Chas.

Melinda cried out, "That fish scares me! Don't even think about bringing it out at home!"

Chas sighed, "All right." But as soon as he put the fish in the car, he smiled. He still loved Melinda. And as Melinda looked at Chas, she said to herself, "I love Charles, really, but sometimes, he needs to have decent taste…"

Melinda also smiled as soon as she saw Chas coming towards her and Chuckie. Chas and Melinda still loved each other, and the one thing they didn't agree upon did very little to keep them apart…

April 26, 1990, Chas had just turned 33 years old. While Chas was preparing to celebrate, however, Melinda drove to the DeVilles' place. There, she saw that Betty was indeed nursing her twins.

"Hi, Betty," said Melinda.

Betty replied, "Hey, Mel. How ya doin'?"

Melinda sighed, "I don't know. I've been feeling a little unwell lately."

"What'cha talkin' 'bout?"

"I've been aching all over since yesterday, and I get tired all the time. Usually, I'm the one who wakes up Charles, but just this morning, he woke _me_ up. It was then when I knew that something was wrong with me."

"Ya still nursing Chuckie?"

"Yes."

"Well, here's a little word of advice: a woman who is as ill as you can't nurse her baby."

"You're right, Betty. I should wean Chuckie from my milk."

And so, she would…

Back at the Finsters' house, it was difficult to put Chuckie on the bottle. She tried everything, again and again, but she never gave up.

In the meantime, Marvin and Shirley had come over to visit for their son's birthday, and to see their grandson. They overheard Melinda saying to the squirming Chuckie, "Now, now, Chuckie, I know it's not mommy's milk, but you'll like this just the same."

"What's going on?" asked Shirley.

"I've been feeling a little sick lately," Melinda explained, "so I've been trying to put Chuckie on the bottle."

As Shirley watched her grandson fussing about the change, she sighed, "You know, Melinda, it was really hard to put our Charles on the bottle too, but by the time he was five years old, he still insisted on drinking from a bottle."

Melinda was amazed. "Really, Charles drank from a bottle when he was in kindergarten?!"

"Kindergarten?" Marvin gave a big, hearty laugh. "Shucks! He was the last kid in first grade to successfully tie his shoes and write the number five properly!"

Upon hearing this, Chas looked embarrassed. "Mom… Dad…" he moaned.

The red-haired man then turned to Melinda and whispered to her, "By the way, Mimi, what's going on? Why are you weaning our little guy?"

"It's probably for the best," Melinda replied.

Chas stared at Melinda and asked, "Are you sick? Have you visited the doctor's office?"

Presently, the phone rang, whereupon Melinda said to her husband, "Yes, just after visiting Betty."

Chas asked, not angrily, "Why didn't you tell me these things?"

"I didn't want to ruin your birthday…"

Then, Chas answered the phone: "Hello."

"Mr. Finster," said the deep voice of a male doctor. "This is the doctor speaking. I'm afraid I have some sad news."

This made Chas nervous. "W-what is it, doc?"

"I think you'd better come to my office, and bring Melinda over."

As soon as the doctor hanged up, Chas was very concerned. He looked at Melinda, who by now had successfully put Chuckie on the bottle…

At the hospital, the "Addio de Mimi" from Puccini's _La Bohême_ was playing over the PA system as the doctor inspected the results he got from Melinda. The soprano sang:

"_D'onde lieta usci al tuo grido  
d'amore torna sola Mimì…_"

The doctor said to Chas, Melinda, Marvin, Shirley, and Christian, "I'm sorry to say that Mrs. Finster's tests didn't go too well… She tested positive for leukemia."

Horrified, Chas heard himself stammer, "L-l-l-l-leukemia?!"

The soprano sang:

"_Al solitario nido  
ritorna un'altra volta  
a intesser finti fior…_"

"Oh, no!" cried Christian. "That's the same illness her mother died of!" Poor Christian was so upset he had to leave the room and return home.

"D-d-died?" gulped Chas. "Does that mean she…"

The soprano sang:

"_Addio senza rancor…  
Ascolta, ascolta.  
Le poche robe aduna che lasciai  
sparse. Nel mio cassetto  
stan chiusi quel cerchietto  
d'or e il libro di preghiere…_"

Melinda began to sweat as she stammered, "I-i-if I'm going to die, then what about my husband and our son?"

The doctor replied, "Be brave. You may spend a few months in the hospital, but don't worry. I'm sure Mr. Finster is stronger than he seems."

"You do have a point… Why, I remember when he stood up for me against Drew back in fourth grade, when he defended me against Rex when we were in high school, and when he won the jousting tournament five years ago…"

The soprano sang:

"_Involgi tutto quanto in un grembiale  
e manderò il portiere…_"

Chas struggled to hold back the tears at the thought of losing his beloved wife, but as he turned around, he saw that his father had tears streaming down his rugged face. This made Chas very sad, for until that moment, he had never seen his father cry.

As he struggled to internalize what was happening to Melinda, his "Mimi," Chas approached Melinda as the soprano sang over the PA system:

"_Bada, sotto il guanciale  
c'è la cuffietta rosa.  
Se vuoi… se vuoi…  
se vuoi serbarla a ricordo d'amor…  
Addio, addio senza rancor._"

As the soprano sang those last words, Melinda placed her hand on Chas' cheek and she said softly, "It's okay, Charles. I'm not scared."

At this point, Chas clasped Melinda's hand, and tears ran down his face as he began to weep bitterly.

Gently, Melinda asked him, "What's the matter, Charles? Why are you crying?"

"If only I were as brave as you," he sobbed.

Indeed, while Melinda was not afraid of staying in the hospital, Chas was afraid of losing her, and he knew it. As he let go of her hand and had to leave the room with his parents, a tenor voice sang over the PA system:

"_Dunque è proprio finita?  
Te ne vai, te ne vai, la mia piccina?  
Addio, sogni d'amor!_"

That night, after Chas had cried himself to sleep, he began to dream…

This time, he was Rodolfo again, seated in front of the Barrière d'Enfer with Melinda, his beloved "Mimi," by his side, singing in the soprano voice from the PA system:

"_Addio, dolce svegliare alla mattina._"

Chas sang in the tenor voice from the PA system:

"_Addio, sognante vita!_"

Melinda: "_Addio rabbuffi e gelosie…_"

Chas: "_…che un tuo sorriso acqueta._"

Melinda: "_Addio sospetti…_"

Chas: "_Baci…_"

Melinda: "_…pungenti amarezze…_"

Chas: "_…ch'io da vero poeta  
rimavo con carezze._"

Chas and Melinda sang together:

"_Soli, l'inverno è cosa da morire._"

Melinda: "_Soli…_"

Chas and Melinda: "_Mentre a primavera  
c'è compagno il sol._"

Melinda: "_C'è compagno il sol._"

Suddenly, Drew and Charlotte, as Marcello and Musetta, were heard quarrelling. Drew shouted, in a baritone voice:

"_Che facevi? Che dicevi?_"

"_Che vuoi dir?_" asked Charlotte as she tossed some crockery to the floor, scaring a cat!

Drew: "_Presso il foco a quel signore?_"

Charlotte: "_Che vuoi dir?_"

Ignoring the argument, Melinda sang:

"_Niuno è solo l'april._"

Drew: "_Al mio venire  
hai mutato di colore._"

Charlotte: "_Quel signore mi diceva…  
'Ama il ballo, signorina?'_"

Chas: "_Si parla coi gigli e le rose._"

Melinda: "_Esce dai nidi un cinguettio gentile._"

Drew: "_Vana, frivola civetta!_"

Charlotte: "_Arrossendo io rispondevo:  
'Ballerei sera e mattina.'_"

Drew: "_Quel discorso asconde mire  
disoneste._"

Charlotte: "_Voglio piena libertà._"

Drew: "_Io t'acconcio per le feste…_"

Chas and Melinda: "_Al fiorir di primavera  
c'è compagno il sol._"

Charlotte: "_Che mi canti?  
Che mi gridi? Che mi canti?  
All'altar non siamo uniti._"

Drew: "_…se ti colgo a incivettire!  
Bada, sotto il mio cappello  
non ci stan certi ornamenti._"

Charlotte: "_Io detesto quegli amanti  
che la fanno da mariti._"

Chas and Melinda: "_Chiacchieran le fontane,  
la brezza della sera balsami  
stende sulle doglie umane._"

Drew: "_Io non faccio da zimbello  
ai novizi intraprendenti.  
Vana, frivola civetta!  
Ve ne andate? Vi ringrazio,  
or son ricco divenuto._"

Charlotte: "_Fo all'amor con chi mi piace.  
Non ti garba?  
Fo all'amor con chi mi piace.  
Musetta se ne va._"

Drew and Charlotte: "_Vi saluto._"

Chas and Melinda: "_Vuoi che aspettiam  
la primavera ancor?_"

Charlotte: "_Signor, addio  
vi dico con piacer!_"

Drew: "_Son servo e me ne vo!_"

Charlotte: "_Pittore da bottega!_"

Drew: "_Vipera!_"

Charlotte: "_Rospo!_"

Drew: "_Strega!_"

But as Drew and Charlotte went away, they looked back at each other with sadness.

Meanwhile, Melinda sang to Chas: "_Sempre tua… per la vita._"

Chas and Melinda: "_Ci lascieremo alla stagion dei fior!_"

Melinda: "_Vorrei che eterno  
durasse il verno!_"

And Chas had to leave Melinda. Soon the dream faded until Chas could only hear two voices, singing sadly but tenderly:

"_Ci lascierem alla stagion dei fior!_"

When Chas woke up, back in reality, he hoped to see Melinda by her side, but he saw no one. He had to come to terms with the fact that his beloved wife was extremely ill, but how would he be able to cope? How would he be able to raise his son Chuckie all on his own?


	21. In the Waiting Room

_As Charles fears for Melinda's life, he also fears for his son Chuckie, who might grow up without a mother. His fears for Melinda and Chuckie are heightened when he sees a rugby player named Big Tony, whose five-year-old daughter is very, very sick with appendicitis._

May of 1990. Angelica Pickles had just turned two years old. Her mother and father were trying to get her to say her first words.

"Come on, sweetie," said Charlotte. "Say 'mommy.'"

And Drew said, "Say 'daddy,' Angelica. 'Daddy.'"

Presently, the couple heard a knock on their door. When Drew opened, it was Chas again. This time, Chas had a sad expression on his face, even though he was holding baby Chuckie in his arms.

"Chas, what's the matter?" asked Drew sympathetically.

After placing Chuckie in the playpen, Chas sighed, "I'm afraid it's my wife. She's extremely ill with leukemia."

"You mean…"

"She might die."

"What? Her? Die? But she's so young."

"I know. I know. You should have seen how much my daddy cried after we were told of Melinda's illness, and he hardly ever cries!"

"I'm so sorry."

"I don't feel bad for myself. I love Melinda, but I'm scared for her life. I'm also afraid for my little Chuckie. He might grow up without a mother. The poor little guy has no idea that he'll lose his mommy this soon in his life."

"Relax, Chas. At least, he'll have some playmates as he gets older: our Angelica, Howard and Betty's twins, and Stu and Didi's upcoming baby."

"But I'm afraid he'll get bullied in school for not having a mother. Remember when you used to pick on Melinda when we were kids?"

Drew's face fell. "You're right. Although I actually picked on Melinda for being a new kid, I now see that what I did was wrong."

"By the way," said Chas, "on the night after I had found out about my wife's illness, I had this strange dream where we were characters from Puccini's _La Bohême_. We were singing the quartet from Act III. You and Charlotte were arguing with each other as though you weren't even married yet!"

Drew gave him a peculiar look. "You're right. That is a strange dream."

"And I'm still not used to waking up and not finding my Mimi by my side in our bed."

"Well, I hope a cookie will comfort you."

But when Drew showed Chas a plate of cookies, Chas sighed, "I'm not hungry."

Just then, Drew and Charlotte heard Angelica saying something: "Coo-kie… Coo-kie… Coo-kie. Cookie. Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Cookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookie!"

Both Drew and Charlotte were confused. But Angelica's first word made Chas feel very sad. His eyes brimmed with tears as he thought about how Melinda might not live to hear Chuckie's own first word…

Later, Chas was in the waiting room, hoping to pay Melinda a visit. Seated in the same waiting room were a mother holding her baby, a man with a severe wound on his left side, an old woman clutching her stomach, and a huge, muscular man who looked like a professional football player. It was the last man who caught Chas' eye, for this man seemed to be looking longingly at a photo album.

"You look familiar," said Chas. "You look like someone I know."

The man said, speaking with an English accent, "You look familiar yourself. It's like I've seen you before… Where was it? I was a foreign exchange student there… I was a star player in the high school football team… It's been so long… Was it… Eucaipah High School?"

"Eucaipah High School?" asked Chas. "That's where _I_ went back in the '70's!"

"Yes, and all my friends called me…"

Chas and the burly man said together, "Big Tony!"

"Long time no see!" Chas shouted with joy.

Big Tony replied, "Mine's the pleasure."

"So, what are you, a football player?"

"Actually, a rugby player! There is a difference!"

"So, what are you in here for? Did you injure yourself?"

"What silly questions you Americans ask!" chuckled Big Tony. "It's not for myself, but for my daughter."

Chas was amazed. "You have a daughter?"

"Yes, she's only five, and she's in here because she told me and her mother that she had a tummy ache." Big Tony's face fell as he said, "For the next day, we tried everything to cure it: bland foods, plenty of water, we even tried a few laxatives. Now, I'm concerned that it might be something very serious indeed."

"You know, I suffered from something like that when I was a kid."

"You did?"

"Yeah, when I was diagnosed with appendicitis, you should have seen how terrified my dad was, and he's hardly ever scared."

"Appendicitis?!" cried Big Tony with horror. "You mean to say my poor little girl has appendicitis?!"

"She might…"

"Then I was right to send her to this ER! Oh, I hope they remove her appendix in time! Appendicitis has been known to kill people if the appendix is not removed in time!"

This made Chas very agitated. At least, it was his wife who had leukemia, and not his son, but, sweating bullets, he said to Big Tony, "Oh, I hope my little boy Chuckie doesn't suffer appendicitis!"

Big Tony asked, "You have a son?"

"Yes, he's only a year old, but I fear he may soon lose his mother to leukemia!"

"You don't say. Then, you should consider yourself lucky! I love my wife, but if anyone gave me the cruel choice between seeing her or our daughter suffer, I would prefer to see my wife suffer because she's all grown-up, whereas my daughter is only a child!"

Chas sighed ruefully.

Presently, the nurse stepped up and said, "Mr. Charles Finster, you may visit Mrs. Melinda Finster."

Chas gulped as he got up and said to himself, "I'm a big, brave knight. I'm a big, brave knight. I'm a big, brave knight…"

And he began to make the long walk to Melinda's hospital room. As he walked down the hallways, he was frightened to see what was going on. One doctor was preparing some vaccines to give to the children, while another doctor seemed to be cutting into the belly of a little girl! Chas was sweating so much his clothes soon became wet with his own perspiration! At one point, he needed to use his inhaler just to get a breather!

Finally, Chas and the nurse had reached Melinda's room. There, he saw her, waving her hand as she saw him.

"Hi, Mimi," said Chas.

Melinda smiled and said, "Hello, Charles."

But soon, she was seized by a cough, and it wasn't a simple ordinary cough such as might be caused by a cold. This cough sounded much more serious, and it frightened Chas, for Melinda's coughing reminded him of Mimi's coughing in _La Bohême_! He nearly cried!

As soon as Melinda caught her breath, she said, "Don't worry, Charles. I've been keeping a diary lately on my stay in the hospital. So far, I've written all about my early life, and the time I first met you."

And when she showed him her diary, Chas smiled and said, "Oh beautiful diary. You know, Mimi, I don't think anyone as sweet or as beautiful as you would ever go for a pale or bony guy like me."

Melinda held his hand. "I've always loved you no matter what. I like you for the calm, gentle, patient man you are. You're such a wonderful husband and father."

"And you're such a warm and loving mother, and the best wife I could ever ask for!"

Chas and Melinda then laughed with each other as if it would be the last laugh they would ever share.

After that, Melinda said, "You know, Charles, I wonder if I'll get to meet Stu and Didi's baby… I'll bet he'll be a wonderful little boy…"

"Me, too," sighed Chas. "Just give the couple a few months, and their baby may one day be our Chuckie's best friend." But suddenly, his face fell.

"What's the matter?" asked Melinda.

"I… I'm just afraid of losing you."

"Charles, you're stronger and braver than you think you are. Just believe in yourself…"

Chas gazed at his wife, then he stood up and said, "See you later." And he left the room to go to his own house. Melinda watched and smiled, having thought a lot about her life as she settled in her hospital bed…

Once Chas had left the hospital room, he knew that he wasn't going to like what he would see. But what he was going to see would be worse than he thought!

When he passed by the room with the vaccines, he saw that the mother was trying to get her squirming baby to sit down. The doctor meant to be gentle with the baby, but the poor little boy was fussing so much that the doctor had trouble wiping his upper arm with an antibacterial wipe, and finally, when the doctor gave the baby the shot, the baby cried and cried as the doctor tried to comfort him.

Chas shuddered. "I sure hope my little guy isn't so fussy with the booster shot when it's his turn…"

But what made him feel better was when he was about to leave the waiting room. A doctor came to Big Tony and said, "Big Tony, I have good news! Your daughter's appendix has just been removed!"

"Will she be all right?" asked Big Tony, with more than a hint of apprehension.

"Of course! Her appendix has already ruptured, so we need to drain all the gunk from her system, but she'll be fine by next Monday."

When Big Tony heard this, he laughed out loud. It was a laugh of relief, and before long, he cried out, "Let me see her at once!"

And the doctor led Big Tony to the room where his daughter was resting. Chas furtively followed, and what he saw warmed his heart: Big Tony was shedding tears of joy as he tenderly cradled his daughter, who awakened to return her father's embrace.

But as Chas left the waiting room and approached his car, he still felt very unhappy. He really hated to see his beloved Melinda suffer, but he saw her, suffering from the leukemia that he feared might kill her. Tears were rolling down his face. As he drove all the way home, he still thought about Melinda…

The next day, Chas was discussing what he had seen with Stu and Didi: "I try in vain to hide what really torments me. I love Melinda more than anything in the world, but I'm scared. My Mimi is terribly ill, and she's getting weaker every day. A horrible cough is racking her chest, and her cheeks are flushed. Whenever she laughs and sings, I'm seized with remorse over willingly seeing her suffer from the illness that's killing her. And no, this is not a Disney movie! This is reality, and my love for Melinda is not enough to save her! I've never cried so hard in all my life."

"Sure, you have, Chas," said Stu. "What about the time you got stood up for your senior prom?"

Didi added, "Or the time you and Melinda took us to see Puccini's _La Bohême_?"

"Or the time you read what you thought was a happy story but it ended with a child dying at the age of ten?"

"Or the time…"

Chas, who had been following Stu and Didi's every move, shouted, "Okay! Okay! I exaggerated! But seeing my Mimi suffer was terrible."

"You know, Chas," said Stu, "maybe we should visit your wife one of these days. You know, pay her a visit sometime."

"Yeah," said Didi. "We should see how she's doing."

"Okay," said Chas. "But you're not gonna like what you'll see…"

Later, in the hospital room, Chas, cradling Chuckie in his arms, took Stu and Didi to see Melinda. Stu shuddered to see Melinda. Seeing his best friend's wife lying there in her hospital bed, weakened by leukemia, reminded him of the time his own mother died. He himself started weeping to see it.

Stu's voice broke as he said, "You're right, Chas! This _is_ terrible!"

Didi placed her hand on Melinda and said, "It really won't be the same without you, Melinda."

"Ah, it won't be that much different," Melinda sighed. "Just think of the time before I moved into the neighborhood."

"Actually, it was all that different," Chas mumbled. "Didi had just graduated kindergarten before we met Melinda."

"I'm six months pregnant, and I still can't believe I'm going to be a mother," said Didi with a smile as she touched her belly. "I mean, I always wanted to be a mother! In fact, I've been reading books by Dr. Lipschitz, plus I've been allowed a maternity leave, and the kids were kind enough to organize a party in my honor."

"Kids?" Melinda asked.

"Didn't you hear? At Eucaipah High School, from which I graduated in 1978, I am now a home economics teacher! Sometimes I wonder what would happen if this kid of mine ended up having me as their teacher…"

"You know, high school can be stressful. It sure was for me and Charles, but who has more stress from it, the students or the teachers?"

"Looking back, I'd say the teachers," snickered Chas, trying to mask his pain from the others.

And Didi said to Melinda, "Maybe one day, our babies could play together."

Melinda glanced, and she smiled to see Stu playing with Chuckie. She laughed a little at Stu's child-like wonder, the result of not having wept until he was fifteen, and she knew that he would be great with kids…


	22. Tommy is Born

_Now, it's Stu and Didi's turn to have a baby. This time, however, Tommy Pickles, as he is called, has been born two months premature, and his life is hanging by a thread. While Charles is afraid of losing his wife Melinda, Stu faces an even greater fear: the prospect of losing his son Tommy!_

It was June 11, 1990. While Melinda was staying in the hospital, writing in her diary, Stu and Didi were preparing for their baby. They were painting a new room in their house when Lou noticed Chas coming along with Chuckie, who was crying in his arms.

"Halt!" cried Lou. "Who goes there?"

"Lou, it's me, Chas."

"Come on in, then." And Lou opened the door, whereupon Chas entered.

When Chas entered the room that Stu and Didi were working on, he said, "Hey, guys."

"Oh, hi, Chas," said Stu.

"I've come to drop off Chuckie while I go to work," Chas sighed. "Poor little guy must be very upset knowing his mommy's been in the hospital for so long. Even our daily visits haven't done much to calm him down."

"We understand," said Didi as she placed a calm, reassuring hand on his shoulder. "We'll watch over Chuckie."

"Good," said Chas, and off he went to work.

Chuckie was crying endlessly, and while Didi was preparing the room, Stu was trying in vain to get him to stop. This made the purple-haired man panic, and he cried out, "Deed, he won't stop! What'll we do?"

Presently, when Stu kicked the ladder in frustration, he sent a hammer falling onto his foot. This made him scream like a little girl.

Upon seeing this Chuckie stopped crying, and he began to giggle.

When Stu recovered himself, he smiled, and Didi said, "Stu, you got Chuckie to stop crying! You'd make such a good daddy for our baby!"

"Yeah," chuckled Stu. "Just think, Didi! I could be a stay-at-home dad _and_ a toymaker at the same time! I'll make toys for every boy and girl of every age!"

And as Stu lifted Chuckie up into the air, Chuckie giggled at Stu's childlike tendencies.

"See, this parenting thing isn't too bad…"

"Yeah," said Didi. "I'm sure we'll be able to handle it once we have our own."

Suddenly, however, Didi felt a strange feeling between her legs. "Oh, Stu," she cried. "He's early!"

"What?!" gasped Stu with a look of surprise on his face…

At the hospital, the same hospital where Melinda was resting, Stu rushed Didi on a wheelchair, by their sides were Lou, Boris, and Minka, the soon-to-be grandparents.

Upon seeing Didi breathing shakily, the nurse was surprised. "Mrs. Pickles?" she asked. "But you weren't due until August!"

"I know!" cried Didi. "Why did he have to come so soon?!"

"Calm down, Didi," said Stu. "I'm sure it's not that bad."

Presently, Didi was in such pain she squeezed Stu's hand. This made him sweat in agony.

Lou then commented, "You know, Boris, when Drew was born, Trixie squeezed my hand so tight I needed to put it in a cast for months! And I turned out all right."

"I'm sure you did," snarked Boris as he glanced at Lou.

Minka added, "Well, if you were a woman, _you_ should have tried giving birth to a baby or two! The pain is so dreadful you probably couldn't bear it!" She then whispered to Lou, "You know, when our Didila was born, Boris was so frightened by my screams he passed out for a week!"

"Hey!" shouted Boris. "Not in front of our employee!"

Sure enough, as he wheeled Didi into the delivery room, Stu was hyperventilating, struggling to make sense of it all. How could Didi give birth prematurely? What would happen to their baby once Didi had given birth?

Stu paced the floor as Didi let out a scream on the bed.

Concerned, Stu asked the nurse, "Is our baby gonna be all right?"

"Didi's going to be just fine, but the baby… he's so small he…" sighed the nurse.

After she had given birth, Didi cradled her new baby boy, tiny as he was, in her arms. "Isn't he precious?"

"He's so tiny," said Minka with a sad smile. "Since you gave birth to him two months early, is he even going to make it?"

"What'cha gonna name him?" asked Lou.

Didi replied, "His name is Thomas Pickles. But you can call him 'Tommy.'"

The nurse said to Didi, "Mrs. Pickles, we shall have to place your new baby into an incubator and see if he will make it. If he does, then he's yours for the taking. If not…"

"What do you mean 'If not'?" cried Stu. "That's our son you're talking about! It's a matter of life and death for him! He was born two months too early, and now, you want him to die?!"

"We don't want him to die," said the nurse nervously. "We're just not certain if he'll make it."

And as the nurse left with the prematurely-born Tommy in his arms, Boris, genuinely concerned for his new grandson, turned to Stu and whispered, "Is it still too early to hire you as a full-time father?"

"I hope not, Boris," Stu sighed. "I hope not…"

That night, Chas and Chuckie were visiting Melinda, who, upon seeing Chuckie, cradled him in her arms.

"I heard from Stu that his and Didi's son was born to-day," said Melinda.

"Yeah," said Chas sadly. "But that's two months too early. At least, our little Chuckie was born right on schedule."

"You know, Charles, I also heard from Stu that Chuckie misses his mommy."

"He sure does, Mimi. And can you really blame him?"

"I certainly can't, Charles…"

Chas heaved a sigh as he said, "By the way, Stu and Didi are busy caring for their baby, so they told me to tell you that they say hi."

Melinda smiled. "Thanks again, Charles."

After Melinda had handed Chuckie back to Chas, the two waved each other good-bye as Chas left the hospital and went to his car to drive back home. Chas was glad that the doctors were treating her well, but seeing Melinda under all that medication just gave him that sick feeling in his stomach! But once he saw Chuckie asleep in his car seat on the way home, Chas smiled. From that time onward, he would visit Melinda more often…

The next day, Tommy found himself in the incubator. Being just born yesterday, of course, he didn't really know what was going on. Many people passed him by, as though they didn't know he was there. For Tommy, everything around him was scary! If he had a mommy, where was she when he needed her?

It was then when Didi came. Tommy didn't seem to know that she was his mother, but Didi smiled at Tommy, even though, deep down inside, she was afraid of losing him. She couldn't even hold her baby to her bosom; all she could do was hold his hand. But once she held his hand, Tommy was no longer scared. As long as Didi was there, she and Tommy would never let go.

Tommy didn't know that his father, Stu, was watching all this with great apprehension. His son appeared to have his life hanging by a thread. For the moment, no one was sure if Tommy would pull through.

Lou approached him and said, "So, Stu, how's Tommy doing?"

"Oh, pop," Stu groaned. "If Didi is scared for Tommy's life, then I'm twice as scared! You heard what the nurse said! Tommy's life could be hanging by a thread!"

This concerned Lou, who asked Boris, "Say, what happens if Tommy doesn't make it?"

Boris sighed ruefully, "Then, I'm afraid your son will be fired…"

Lou didn't like the sound of that…

Stu couldn't sleep a wink that night, and neither could Didi. Both of them were very worried. They both feared that Tommy could indeed die, because he was so tiny. More than once in a single week, Stu could hear Didi weeping into her pillow. This only made him even more concerned for Tommy…

But what about the other parents? What about them? Let's start with Drew and Charlotte Pickles, the parents of Angelica, now two years old. They first saw Tommy when he was two days old. When Charlotte saw Tommy, she informed Jonathan about this on her phone: "I'm visiting my nephew, Jonathan. Can you believe that he was born two months before he should have been? He's so small, who knows what will happen to him? Who knows how my brother-in-law is feeling about this? Now, about those contracts, Jonathan…"

But when Drew saw Tommy, so small and so helpless in that incubator, he turned to Stu and saw how sad he was. Drew didn't want to make fun of his younger brother for having so tiny a baby. In fact, he didn't make fun of Stu. Instead, he gave Stu his commiserations: "I'm so sorry, Stu."

"It's okay, Drew. Tommy's still alive…" said Stu with a smile, before his face fell. "…at least for now."

"Oh, Stu, if I had known your son could die, I…"

"You don't have to blame yourself. Didi and I are the ones who are suffering."

"I certainly hope Tommy will be okay."

Stu could only give a sad sigh.

By this point, Angelica had learned some new words. Trying to get her parents' attention, she said, "Mommy? Daddy? Mommy?! Daddy?!"

But it was all in vain. Drew and Charlotte were focused on their nephew, Tommy, while their daughter Angelica was left sitting on the sidelines, failing to comprehend what was going on. But her parents were going crazy over Tommy and couldn't think about anything else.

This sickened Angelica, for she had been used to getting center stage back at home. Now, her parents seemed to be acting as if she was never born. She looked at Tommy in his incubator and thought, "If that dumb baby ever gets out of that fish tank, I'm gonna teach him a lesson he'll never forget!"

And thus began Angelica's animosity towards her own cousin Tommy, and towards babies in general…

A few days later, it was Howard and Betty's turn, bringing the twins Phil and Lil along with them. Betty had recovered her strength in the time since she bore the twins. Both twins gazed in awe at baby Tommy, while their parents gazed in sympathy.

As Howard stared quietly at Tommy, Betty said to Didi, "Hey, Deed, I see that you and Stu have finally had a baby, but he's so small. Do you think he'll make it?"

"I don't know, Betty," sighed Didi. "Come what may, he may live… I hope…"

Betty could say nothing more. She just glanced at her friend with tears in her eyes. Up until that point, she had had no idea how just how scary being a parent could be.

Presently, Howard asked Betty, "Do you think we should leave Stu and Didi alone with Tommy? The boy needs his parents. They may be all he'll have."

Drying her eyes, Betty replied, "Yeah, we should. All this has gotten me acting all sappy!"

And Howard and Betty took their twins and left the incubator room, while Stu and Didi watched over Tommy with apprehension…

As for Chas, he didn't meet Tommy until the latter was eight days old. On that day, June 19, while he was pushing Chuckie in a stroller, taking him to visit Melinda, he said to his son, "Why don't we make a quick stop, Chuckie? I want you to meet a new friend."

And so, Chas and Chuckie stopped by Tommy's incubator room. There, as Chas picked up Chuckie from the stroller, they saw Tommy, lying there, gazing up at Chas and Chuckie.

"Chuckie," said Chas, "this is Tommy Pickles, son of Stu and Didi Pickles."

When Tommy's eyes met Chuckie's, the two baby boys smiled at each other, and a beautiful friendship was born.

"Hi, Tommy," Chuckie said.

Of course, the grown-ups could only hear baby talk from Chuckie, but Tommy knew that Chuckie was just saying hello. Tommy was small, but for once, Chuckie wasn't afraid.

Meanwhile, Chas noticed something about Tommy. "Tommy looks so small," he said to Didi.

Didi explained, "That's because he was born two months sooner than Stu and I had anticipated. He has to stay in the hospital. But Stu and I are afraid."

"W-why?"

"Because the nurse told us that he's so small he might not make it. Already, his life is hanging by a thread!"

Tears came to Chas' eyes. "Oh, no! Losing a child just might be even worse than losing a wife or husband! Whereas my wife has lived long enough to have come of age, your son is way too young to die!"

When Stu heard that, he felt like he had been hit by a train! He couldn't speak or even move!

Chas continued, "If anything were to happen to my Chuckie, I'd probably go insane with grief!"

"I can see why Melinda chose you," said Didi sympathetically. "You're so honest about your emotions. As for Stu, he doesn't cry very often, but whenever he shows any emotions other than anger, I always feel so close to him."

"But poor Chuckie," Chas commented as he saw Chuckie gently clasp Tommy's hand. "Doesn't he realize that Tommy could die?"

Neither Chas nor Stu knew it at the time, but Chuckie knew that he and Tommy, like their fathers, would become best friends one day…

That night, Stu sat in his and Didi's bedroom, looking through his old memorabilia: his childhood photos, his bullfighter costume from his freshman year, his disco suit from his senior prom, and, most importantly, his old red blanket, which he had gotten for his third birthday and used as a matador cape on multiple occasions until he was fifteen.

As Stu took the long walk to the room which he had intended for Tommy, clasping his old blanket, he could hear, in his mind, a basso singing the aria "Vecchia zimarra" from _La Bohême_:

"_Vecchia zimarra, senti,  
Io resto al pian, tu ascendere  
Il sacro monte or devi.  
Le mie grazie ricevi._"

As he walked upstairs and down the hallway, Stu remembered all the times he had spent with his red blanket, from the age of three until he had first wept at age fifteen.

"_Mai non curvasti il logoro  
dorso ai ricchi ed ai potenti.  
Passar nelle tue tasche  
come in antri tranquilli  
filosofi e poeti._"

As soon as he entered Tommy's room, Stu looked around, seeing all the toys he and Didi had intended for their son. Then he looked at the blanket, which he had been saving for Tommy.

"_Ora che i giorni lieti  
fuggir, ti dico addio,  
fedele amico mio.  
Addio. Addio._"

Finally, after he placed the blanket in the empty crib, Stu sat down and began to weep. Tears streamed down his face as he wondered if his son was going to pull through…


	23. Sono andati?

_Melinda was born a farmer's daughter in 1957, and Charles has known her since fourth grade. After spending their school years as good friends, Charles and Melinda reunited in 1985 and got married in 1988. But now that Melinda has been diagnosed with leukemia, it looks like their marriage will be cut short. Will Melinda pull through… or not?_

_Let's face it. You saw it coming. And so, I took heavy inspiration from the final act of Puccini's "La Bohême."_

While she was in the hospital, Melinda's favorite pastime was writing in her diary. In it, she wrote all about her life story and her inner thoughts…

Mrs. Melinda Finster was born Melinda Cavanaugh, the daughter of a farmer and his wife, on September 13, 1957. With the help of her parents, she often raised the farm animals she grew up with, so they looked up to her as though she were their mother. Years later, in 1966, Mrs. Cavanaugh became very sick with leukemia, which meant Melinda and her father had to move into the city. There, Melinda met new human friends, but there was none she liked more than Charles "Chas" Finster, a shy, awkward boy who was just her age. As she grew up, so did her affection for Chas and vice versa. But it wasn't until 1988 when they finally got married, and a year later, they had a son: Charles Crandall "Chuckie" Finster.

But now, in 1990, poor Melinda was about to lose her own battle with leukemia. She knew that her father had been so grief-stricken upon the death of her mother that he never married again. She hoped that the same wouldn't be the case with Chas, for Chuckie needed a mother, and she knew it.

On July 12, 1990, Melinda wrote what was to be her last diary entry: a poem for her son Chuckie to read when he got older. It went like this:

"_My sweet, little Chuckie, though I must leave you behind me._  
_This poem will tell you where you always can find me._  
_When a gentle wind blows, that's my hand on your face._  
_And when the tree gives you shade, that's my sheltering embrace._  
_When the sun gives you freckles, that's me tickling my boy._  
_When the rain wets your hair, those are my tears of joy._  
_When the long grass enfolds you, that's me holding you tight._  
_When the whippoorwill sings, that's me whispering, 'Night, night.'_"

July 12, 1990. Chas would remember it all too well. It started out like a normal day: Chas driving his son Chuckie to Stu Pickles' residence to drop him off. At the same time, though, he was worried about Melinda. He had hoped that she would pull through, but she was only looking weaker every day. The last time he saw her, she looked even paler than he would on a good day!

As soon as Chas had put Chuckie in the playpen that Stu and Didi had made for Tommy, he came to Lou, who was sleeping in the armchair, and woke him up.

"Huh? Huh? I'm awake! I'm awake!" cried Lou as he woke up with a start. Then, he noticed Chas and said, "Oh, Charles. It's you."

"Lou," said Chas. "I've been meaning to ask you: my wife is sick in the hospital, and she could be dying. What's it like to be a widower?"

Lou replied, with a solemn look on his face, "Losing the woman you love is a very severe loss. You may not even think about it while she's still alive, but once she becomes deathly ill, you get very agitated! And when she finally croaks, you just completely lose it!"

Chas gulped as Lou continued, "Without your beloved wife by your side, you feel extremely lonely. Sometimes, you even cry your eyes out, especially at her funeral."

Chas stammered, "H-h-how long does it take a widower to recover from his loss?"

Lou answered, "That depends on the man. Some recover fairly quickly, within a month or so. Others take considerably longer. A year, two years, five years, or maybe even fifteen years. But then there are those who never recover at all…"

"Yeah, take my father-in-law, for example."

"I've also heard about some widowers who died of despair following the deaths of their wives! It hasn't happened to me so far, but sometimes, I wonder when death will ever knock on my door…"

This made Chas very anxious, and he cried out, "Oh, no! I don't wanna die! If my Mimi dies and I must follow her to the grave, then poor Chuckie won't have any parents to look after him! And he's only a year old! Who will take care of him?!"

But soon, he saw that Lou had nodded off and fallen asleep again.

Chas sighed, "I'm gonna need some levity…" And he went to the backyard where Stu was turning on the garden hose to water his and Didi's garden plants.

When he saw Chas in the backyard, he said, "Oh, hi, Chas."

"Hey, Stu," said Chas. "I hear your son's coming along nicely."

"Yes," said Didi. "In fact, the doctors say that Tommy will pull through in a month or so."

Chas sighed, "I sure wish I could say the same for my wife."

Stu then said, "Come on, Chas. Let's have some fun. Howard, Drew, and their wives are coming very soon. My in-laws should be coming too."

Presently, into the backyard came Howard, Betty, Drew, Charlotte, Boris, and Minka. Charlotte was again blabbing into her cell phone: "Oh, you won't believe what games my brother-in-law has in store for my husband and his friends, Jonathan! They're planning a dance routine with us, their wives, and then, they're going to have a mock duel."

Betty shouted, "Here we are, guys!"

Carrying a paper sack full of bread rolls, Howard added, "We brought some bread rolls for us to enjoy."

"And some gefilte fish!" cried Boris as he lifted a container full of gefilte fish.

"It's homemade, too," said Minka.

Chas turned to Drew and said, "Hey, Drew. How's your daughter coming along?"

Drew smiled and said, "Angelica's doing great! She's only two, but she's already starting to speak with a wide range of words! Her favorite words: 'cookie,' 'mommy,' 'daddy,' and, my own nickname for her, 'princess.'"

"Wow! That's sweet!" sighed Chas.

"Come on, guys!" cried Stu. "Dinner's on the table!"

And as the men and women seated themselves at the table with the bread rolls, herring, and water, they imagined that they were in a royal palace in 17th-century France.

Chas said to Drew, "Which do you choose, Baron Andrew, trout or salmon?"

Drew said to Howard and Betty, "Duke Howard, Duchess Elizabeth, how about some ox-tongue?"

"No, thanks," said Howard. "That's too fattening. Besides, I'm still full from eating gefilte fish."

"Come on, Howie!" shouted Betty. "Where's the fun in avoiding the food? I'll have the ox-tongue!"

And they ate the food as much as they could…

Later, once they had eaten their fill, the men and women were ready for the dance routine.

"So, it shall be a dance with a vinyl record for accompaniment?" asked Howard.

"Sure!" cried Betty. "What else did you think it would be?"

"I suggest the gavotte!" said Stu.

"How about a minuet?" asked Drew.

"Or a pavane?" asked Chas.

"I know!" cried Boris. "The hora!"

Minka had to stifle her laughter. Then she said, "I even brought a record to accompany our dancing."

And she placed the record on the record player and played it. The singers on the record sang:

"_Hava nagila  
Hava nagila  
Hava nagila ve-nismeḥa  
Hava nagila  
Hava nagila  
Hava nagila ve-nismeḥa  
Hava neranenah  
Hava neranenah  
Hava neranenah ve-nismeḥa  
Hava neranenah  
Hava neranenah  
Hava neranenah ve-nismeḥa…_"

And during the song, Chas, Drew, Charlotte, Stu, Didi, Howard, Betty, Boris, and Minka got together in a circle and danced around and around.

Suddenly, they heard a girlish scream from Stu. This caused the record to stop abruptly, with a screech.

"You stepped on my foot, you clumsy ox!" cried Stu.

Drew replied, "Me? You're the one with the boorish manners!"

"Are you provoking me? Then, draw your sword!"

"All right! Lay on! I'm ready to taste your blood!"

"One of us will go down, and it's not gonna be me!"

"Let's have a stretcher ready!"

"How about a grave or two?"

And so, the Pickles brothers began to wrestle with each other across the grassy lawn.

Chas, Howard, and Betty all laughed together.

"Looks like in the days since grade school, some things _never_ change!"

Chas grabbed a stick and, using it like a microphone, he announced, "Hello, and welcome to the Sports Channel! I'm Chas Finster, and with me are that husband-and-wife team, Howard and Betty DeVille! So, Howard, Betty, what's the outlook of this wrestling match?"

"Well, it's just that…" Howard began to say.

But Betty interrupted, "I'm sure they'll both be fine! Lou told us that these two contestants, Stu and Drew, have been arguing since they were babies!"

"I know," sighed Chas. "I saw one of their arguments when I was only two. But let's hope they don't get into any trouble."

On the sidelines, Didi whispered to Charlotte, "Why don't we check on the kids while our husbands are at it?"

And the two women went inside to check on Chuckie and Angelica.

Meanwhile, Boris and Minka were watching as Boris shouted, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"Boris!" cried Minka with indignation. "Why are you encouraging them?"

"Come on, Minka. In the old country, I used to wrestle with the other boys from the time when I was very little. This came in handy whenever I had to deal with bullies."

Back in the stand, Chas, Howard, and Betty saw Stu stuffing Drew's mouth with grass. Stu cried out, "Eat grass, Drew!"

Drew spat out the grass. Enraged, he shoved Stu so hard they both fell into a nearby mud puddle.

"Whoa! Mud everywhere, Chas!" shouted Betty.

"What a mess, Betty!" cried Chas.

But Howard tried to keep to himself as he saw the Pickles brothers continuing to wrestle.

Both Stu and Drew were already covered with mud when Drew started to shove Stu's face into the mud, shouting, "Grovel, Stu! Grovel shamelessly and give up!"

Stu lifted his face from the mud, screaming, "Never!"

This made Drew shove Stu into the mud some more.

But then, Charlotte could be heard calling out: "Drew!"

"Charlotte?!" cried Drew as he got up from the mud.

Stu also lifted himself from the mud as he and Drew came to their respective wives.

Didi cried out, "You boys need to get yourselves cleaned up! The hospital called."

"The hospital?" gasped Chas.

"Yes," said Charlotte. "It's Melinda! She's extremely ill."

"How is she?"

"The doctor said she might die before the day's over."

With an agonized scream, Chas fainted…

Later, after Stu and Drew had gotten themselves cleaned up, they accompanied Chas, Howard, Betty, Didi, Charlotte, Boris, and Minka to the hospital, having left Lou to babysit Chuckie and Angelica.

As they were walking down the hallways, Charlotte told her friends everything, "I heard from the doctor that Melinda is dying. Where was she? I asked the doctor if I could talk to her. The doctor said yes, so I was connected to Melinda. She said, 'I can't last much longer. I can sense that I'm dying… But I want to die with Charles by my side… Perhaps he wants to see me again… Please bring him to me, Charlotte…'"

And once they entered Melinda's hospital room, Melinda saw Chas among them and smiled, saying softly, "I feel much better now… Let me look around. How wonderful it is here. I'll recover… I will… I feel like I've been brought back to life. Charles, my prince, you're not going to leave me…"

"Mimi, your beloved lips still speak to me again," Chas said with a smile. But he was really doing his best to hold back his tears, because he had been told that Melinda would be lucky to live another day.

As Chas approached Melinda, Charlotte whispered to her own husband, "Did you bring anything, Drew?"

"Nothing," sighed Drew sadly.

"What? No soup or coffee?"

"No…"

As Betty stared at the woman in her deathbed, tears streamed down her face. "I think she'll be dead within half an hour!" she sobbed. "Hold me, Howie!"

And Howard tried his best to hold Betty, who was so much stronger than he.

As Melinda looked around and saw everyone trying to maintain their composure, she said, "Hello, Drew, Charlotte, Howard, Betty, Stu, Didi, Boris, Minka… All of you are here, smiling at me."

Chas shushed her gently, "Don't speak. You'll tire yourself."

"I'm used to this, Charles. I'll speak softly. Don't be afraid." Melinda then turned to Drew and whispered, "Believe me, Drew; Charlotte is a good woman. She is the mother of your child, whom you are to raise well."

Two tears rolled down Drew's cheeks and his voice quavered a little as he murmured, "She's right, Charlotte."

Charlotte herself tearfully replied, "And this may be the last thing Melinda will ever say of me."

Both Drew and Charlotte were so upset they had to leave the room to pray in the hospital chapel.

Soon, Boris noticed that Minka was also crying. "Minka, Minka," he said soothingly. "It's all right. We'll go to the synagogue to pray for her and for our little grandson Tommy."

And the old Jewish couple, still uncertain about the future, left the room for the hospital synagogue.

Stu also left the room, but to see Tommy, who was still in the incubator.

It was then when Didi said to her best friend, "You know, Betty, our methods may possibly differ, but let's perform two kindly acts with our husbands. Stu and I will watch over Tommy, while you and Howard should leave Chas and Melinda to themselves."

Betty replied with a sad smile, "You're right, Deed. Howie and I will go."

And so, Didi, Howard, and Betty left the room, Betty waving a last goodbye to Melinda.

As Chas gazed into Melinda's eyes, he imagined that they were back in the Belle-Époque garret, Chas as Rodolfo and Melinda as Mimi.

Melinda gazed up at Chas and sang:

"_Sono andati? Fingevo di dormire  
perché volli con te sola restare.  
Ho tante cose che ti voglio dire,  
o una sola ma grande come il mare,  
come il mare profonda ed infinita…  
Sei il mio amor… e tutta la mia vita.  
Sei il mio amor… e tutta la mia vita._"

Chas joyfully sang as he embraced her:

"_Ah Mimì, mia bella Mimì!_"

Melinda: "_Son bella ancora?_"

Chas: "_Bella come un'aurora._"

Melinda: "_Hai sbagliato il raffronto.  
Volevi dir: bella  
come un tramonto.  
'Mi chiamano Mimì…  
Mi chiamano Mimì…  
il perché non so.'_"

Chas: "_Tornò al nido la rondine e cinguetta._"

He then took a pink bonnet from his bosom and placed it in Melinda's hands. Joyfully, Melinda cried out:

"_La mia cuffietta!  
La mia cuffietta!  
Ah! te lo rammenti  
quando sono entrata  
la prima volta là?_"

Chas: "_Se lo rammento!_"

Melinda: "_Il lume s'era spento._"

Chas: "_Eri tanto turbata.  
Poi smarristi la chiave…_"

Yes, Chas and Melinda could remember the time when they got lost in the corn maze five years earlier.

Melinda: "_E a cercarla tastoni ti sei messo!_"

Chas: "_E cerca, cerca…_"

Melinda: "_Mio bel signorino,  
posso ben dirlo adesso,  
lei la trovò assai presto._"

Melinda knew that he had found the exit soon enough.

Chas smiled and sighed: "_Aiutavo il destino._"

Melinda: "_Era buio e il mio rossor  
non si vedeva…  
'Che gelida manina…  
Se la lasci riscaldar…'  
Era buio e la man  
tu mi prendevi…_"

Melinda knew that Chas had been caught up in his own world and couldn't see her blushing…

But Chas was snapped back into reality when Melinda began to cough again.

"Mimi, what's wrong?" he asked with more than a hint of alarm.

Betty entered and cried out, "Sufferin' sassafras! What's going on?!"

"Nothing, Betty," sighed Melinda. "I'm just fine."

"Please don't talk," said Chas as he gently stroked her.

Melinda replied, "Okay, forgive me, Charles. I'll be good."

When Howard entered, he took pity on the sight and buried his face in Betty's chest, as if to weep quietly.

Howard was quickly followed by Drew, Charlotte, Stu, and Didi.

"How is she?" asked Charlotte.

Chas replied, "She's resting."

Drew added, "I'm sure the doctor will come to check on her."

"Well, he'd better hurry," said Stu, not angrily, as he handed Charlotte his red blanket.

This conversation made Melinda open her eyes, and she asked, "Who's talking?"

"It's only me, Charlotte," said Charlotte as she placed Stu's blanket on Melinda.

Melinda quickly felt the blanket's warmth and sighed, "Oh, how lovely and soft it is. Now, I'll no longer feel so cold. This blanket shall make me warm." She turned to Chas and said, "Tell Stu that I say 'thank you.'"

Upon hearing this, poor Chas burst into tears, for he knew she was going to die.

When Melinda saw this, she said to him calmly, "There, there. Don't cry. I'm feeling better. Why are you crying? I'll always be with you, Charles. I'm feeling… much warmer… now, let me sleep, Charles…"

And with those words, Melinda closed her eyes.

While Melinda was sleeping, Chas came to Stu and said to him, "Hey, Stu, maybe I should do something for Melinda. You gave her your blanket, so I should get her a bouquet."

Stu smiled and said, "You know, Chas, that sounds like a good idea."

And so Stu and Chas went to the florist's shop while the others gathered around her.

"Do you think she's going to be okay, Betty?" asked Didi.

"I don't know, Deed," sighed Betty.

Meanwhile, Charlotte was praying for Melinda: "Lord, be merciful to this poor young woman who doesn't deserve to die. Grant her peace. I know I'm unworthy of forgiveness, but Melinda is an angel come down from heaven."

Drew said to Charlotte, "You know, Char, Chas still has hope for Melinda. He's getting her a bouquet of flowers. Do you think her leukemia is serious?"

"I don't know," sighed Charlotte.

At that moment, however, Betty approached the bed and saw Melinda's electrocardiogram flatline. She whispered in a voice hoarse from tears, "Howard, she's dead."

And Howard whispered in a choked voice, "Drew, Melinda's dead."

Howard, Betty, and Drew became very sad upon finding this out. When Didi and Charlotte caught on, they too were upset, and they all began to weep.

Meanwhile, Chas had bought a bouquet of flowers for Melinda, so he and Stu were on their way back to Melinda's room when they caught up with Boris and Minka.

"How's your wife?" Boris asked Chas.

Chas replied, "Last time I saw her she was sleeping like a baby."

Once the four entered the room, Chas added, showing Melinda to the other three, "See now? She's resting peacefully. Her eyes closed in sleep, her lips smiling as if she were having a sweet dream…"

But as Chas spoke, Didi approached Stu and showed him that Melinda had died. Stu started weeping with Didi as he hugged her.

Soon, Boris and Minka found out, and even they were in tears as well.

"You see?" But once Chas had stopped talking, he noticed that everyone in the room was weeping. First confused, then concerned, Chas approached Melinda and asked the others, "What's the matter? Why are all of you crying? Why can't Mimi wake up?!"

Unable to bear it any longer, Drew grabbed Chas and sobbed, "Be brave for your son, Chas! Be brave for your son!"

Finally, Chas cried out, "Melinda? Melinda?! MELINDA!"

But his beloved wife was no longer with him. As the fortissimo chords that announced Mimi's death to her beloved Rodolfo pounded in his mind, Chas collapsed in an agony of tears on top of Melinda's bed. Great sobs racked his skinny frame as the others tried in vain to comfort him. By the time Stu removed him from the bed, Chas' eyes were red and puffy from weeping, and his nose was running dreadfully. He looked absolutely wretched, but who could blame him? Chas was so utterly devastated by the loss of his beloved wife Melinda that he was beyond caring whether or not his crying made him look and sound undignified!

July 12, 1990, the day Melinda Cavanaugh-Finster died, was the most sorrowful day of Charles Finster's life.


	24. I Remember Melinda

_When Charles' beloved wife Melinda passes away in the presence of all her friends, he must learn how to come to terms with it, both during the funeral and long after it._

Chas didn't sleep a wink that night. He really wished that Melinda's death was all just a bad dream, but no, it was the harsh reality he had to deal with.

Now, he was really worried for Chuckie, and just when the boy had been taking his first steps. His poor little guy was only a baby, and by the time he got older, the only thing his mother would be was just a distant memory. Melinda wouldn't be around to hear Chuckie's first words or see Chuckie's first day of school…

Only a few days had passed, but it seemed like an eternity for Chas. At the church, it was time for the funeral of Melinda Cavanaugh-Finster. Chas wore the same black tuxedo he had worn to his and Melinda's wedding, but this time, instead of a red bow tie, he wore a black one in mourning. He knew he would have to deal with death sometime or another, but he had hoped it would have been a lot later. Sure, Chas knew that his wife was in Heaven, watching over him and little Chuckie, but since she had died so young, Heaven seemed so far away for him.

Chas had brought Chuckie along in a stroller, and all his friends arrived to pay their dues to Melinda and their sympathies to Chas. Marvin and Shirley came as well, to take care of Chuckie while their son, his father, was grieving. But one notable absence was Chas' father-in-law, Christian, who found the death of his daughter, his only child, too difficult to bear.

But what did it matter to Chas? He again tried his best to hold back the tears as he saw Melinda's body lying there in her coffin. She bore the same expression as when she died, eyes gently closed and a smile upon her face. And shrouded around her torso was the same red blanket that she had died in, which Stu had donated in sympathy for her grieving husband. Then, Chas averted his gaze and hung his head as he sat in the same pew where his parents were sitting with his son sleeping in Shirley's arms. The poor little boy didn't even realize that his mother had died.

When the funeral itself began, Chas, as the widower, was asked to recite the eulogy.

"Do I have to?" Chas asked Stu, who, along with Didi, Drew, and Charlotte, were seated in the pew directly behind him.

"Yes," said Stu.

Chas sighed, "All right…"

Chas stepped up to the podium. He never really liked public speaking, but he had to deliver a eulogy for his late wife. His eulogy went like this:

"Melinda Finster was the only woman I ever loved. She was also the woman who loved me for who I was. She always thought of me as this sweet, gentle, sensitive man, rather than the gawky nerd I look like. Most importantly, she was the woman who helped me fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a father. Good-bye, Melinda… I'll miss you…"

As he finished the eulogy, there were tears streaming down his face, and he broke into sobs. Howard and Stu saw how sad Chas was, and they came to lead him back to his seat, Stu sympathetically patting Chas on the back as he wept on his friend's shoulder…

At the end of the funeral, the casket was about to be closed. The congregation was weeping, but none wept as bitterly as Chas, who took one last look at his deceased wife. In fact, he had wept through most of the funeral, his voice quavering as he joined the congregation in singing the hymns. He just didn't want to have to see Melinda, his beloved wife, buried in that cemetery.

Once the casket containing Melinda was taken outside to the cemetery, the sun shining on the congregation and revealing many of their tear-stained faces, Chas stared at the sky, his own face still wet with tears.

"Why is it so bright and cheerful outside?" he asked himself. "There's not a cloud in the sky…" Then he thought, "Maybe it's because my wife was always a cheerful woman. Ever since we were kids, she was always much more energetic than me. She always had a sunny personality, so she must be buried on a nice, sunny day…"

Indeed, there was not a cloud in the sky when the undertakers placed the casket six feet underground and shoveled all the dirt over it, with a headstone to mark her grave:

"Mrs. Melinda Finster

Beloved Wife, Daughter, and Mother

Born September 13, 1957

Died July 12, 1990"

One by one, the members of the congregation left the cemetery to return home. Stu and Didi, Howard and Betty, Drew and Charlotte, even Boris and Minka left to return to their own homes.

Once everyone else had left, the only people who still stood by Melinda's grave were Chas, Marvin, and Shirley, the last of whom was still holding Chuckie, now just waking up, in her arms. Chas didn't think that anyone was watching, so he burst into tears over the grave.

But Chas didn't know that Chuckie was watching him. The baby didn't know why his father was crying, but Chuckie felt so sad for him that he himself began to cry.

This caught Chas' attention. How could he explain to his little son that his mother was dead? "Maybe I should wait until Chuckie's old enough to understand," Chas said to Shirley.

"You're right, Charles," sighed Shirley as she tried to comfort her grandson.

Marvin added, "For once, I'd say go easy on the boy. At only a year old, such a loss would be traumatic."

For the next several days, Chas had to take some time off work. And once he did return to work, he had to try to control his emotions just so he could work efficiently. He had his parents, Marvin and Shirley, look after Chuckie while he was at work…

Finally, on August 11, 1990, a great joy occurred among the Pickles household. Tommy Pickles was finally ready to be taken out of his incubator, so his parents, Stu and Didi, could take him home.

What a joy for both parents it was that their little boy survived the ordeal! Tears of joy streamed down Didi's cheeks as she wrapped Tommy with a blue blanket and gently cradled him to sleep in her arms. Once Tommy was asleep, Stu himself smiled as tears ran down his face, and he said, "Way to go, champ."

Yes, from then on, Tommy would remain Stu's "champ," just for surviving his premature birth.

On the way home, Stu was thinking about all the fun times he and Didi would share with their baby son when Didi said, "You know, Stu, maybe we should take a quick stop and check on Charles."

"But why, Didi?" asked Stu.

"I think he's still coming to terms with the death of his wife. Remember the funeral?"

"Deed, that was nearly a month ago. I'm sure he's over it by now…"

But Chas wasn't over it. Back in his house, he was seated on his chair, watching his and Melinda's wedding video. He could hear the minister deliver the sermon:

"Do you, Charles Finster, take this woman, Melinda Cavanaugh, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto her till death do you part?"

Chas heard himself stammer: "I-I do."

He could hear the minister ask: "Do you, Melinda Cavanaugh, take this man, Charles Finster, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, to love, honor and obey, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto him till death do you part?"

He could hear Melinda reply with a smile: "I do!"

And he could hear the minister state: "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

And the orchestra began to play Mendelssohn's "Wedding March."

By that point, Chas, watching the video, was weeping. Only two years after he had gotten married, only two years after that wedding was filmed on tape, his beloved wife Melinda was no more.

Presently, he heard someone knock on his door, whereupon Chas shouted in a strained voice, "Go away!"

"Chas, it's just us," said Stu.

"We just wanted to pay you a visit," said Didi.

Enraged, Chas brushed his tears from his eyes, stormed to the door, and shouted to Stu and Didi, "I'm telling you: I don't want any visitors! Go away!"

Chas was about to slam the door when Didi stopped it and said calmly, "Calm down, Chas. We all know how you feel."

"How would you know how I feel?" Chas cried out rather abrasively. "I have to hide my emotions whenever I have to work in the office, so I don't get a break except during the weekends! All I want is to be left alone, but you two have the nerve to show up with your own infant son in your arms, thinking I need help with my life, but I don't need any help! No, sir! Not me!"

But Stu could empathize with Chuckie, for he knew what it was like to lose a mother, and he said, quietly, "You miss her, don't you, Chas?"

With those words, Chas stared at Stu and Didi for just a moment, then he burst into tears. He sobbed, "Oh, Stu! Melinda's dead! She's really dead! Why did she have to die? She was the best wife a man could ask for!"

"That's it, Charles," said Didi. "Let it out."

"I miss Melinda! I'll never be happy again!" cried Chas as he sobbed onto Stu's shoulder.

"Let it out, Chas," said Stu. "Let it out. I understand."

"But Stu, your wife's still alive. What do you know about becoming a widower?"

Stu sighed, "I would know from the heartbreak my pop felt when my mom died. Drew and I joined him at her funeral. We were both in tears as they buried our mom, but neither of us had seen our pop cry so much, neither before nor since. And even looking back, I can't say I blame him. I'd probably cry like that too if anything happened to my Didi."

"Oh, Stu," said Didi as she kissed him. "That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."

"Chas, your son Chuckie is lucky to know nothing about his mother's death, whereas Drew and I lost our mom when we were old enough to understand that she is dead."

Just then, Chas, Stu, and Didi heard the cry of a baby.

"Oh, no! Chuckie!" cried Chas, and he dashed to Chuckie's room to comfort his baby boy.

"Chuckie, what's wrong?" Chas asked his son. "Did you have a bad dream?"

Chuckie breathed in and out repeatedly, for he was still too young to talk.

Chas spoke to Chuckie, "You've probably noticed that your mommy isn't here anymore. But that's okay. Your mommy wouldn't want you to be sad or afraid, Chuckie. How would I know? Because I, your daddy, can be your mommy."

Chuckie smiled at Chas' comforting words.

"Good night, Chuckie," said Chas as he kissed his little son's cheek, turned off the light, and closed the door.

Stu and Didi saw all this with amazement, and Chas was surprised to see them both.

"Chas," said Didi, "you'd make such a good mommy."

Chas sighed, "Thanks for reminding me…"

Deep down inside, he still missed Melinda. In his room, he placed some old belongings of Melinda's in a box. This included her trowel, her diary which ended with the poem she had written on the day she died, a photograph of her holding a flower, and Chuckie's teddy bear, which Chuckie had affectionately called "Wawa."

All this made Chas very sad, and as he placed the box safe in his closet, he thought about all the tears he had shed for his late beloved wife…

The next day, at church, Stu and Didi were having a discussion with Howard, Betty, Drew, and Charlotte. With them were Tommy, Phil, Lil, and Angelica.

"So, Chas was pretty sad yesterday, wasn't he?" asked Betty.

"He sure was," Stu replied.

Didi then said to the others, "Now, when Chas comes over, we gotta be really nice to him."

"Good idea, Didi," said Drew.

"Yeah, anything to help our pal cope," said Howard.

Presently, Chas came over, holding Chuckie in his arms, and said with a smile, "Hey, guys."

"Hi, Chas," said Stu. "How's it going?"

"Okay, I guess."

Drew said to Chas, "You know, Charlotte was kind enough to buy us some tickets to an opera and orchestra concert to-night."

"But as usual," grumbled Stu, "Howard and Betty have declined the invitation."

"Well, there's Sunday Night Football goin' on!" said Betty. "Howie and I can't turn down a football game for some snore-fest!"

"Snore-fest, huh? Now, see here."

"I'm telling you, this means war!" cried Howard.

But Chas shushed Howard, saying, "We're in church now. We need to be quiet."

But as he saw Stu stepping up to the altar with Tommy to have him baptized, Chas thought about how Melinda had taken Chuckie to the same altar to be baptized the Sunday after he was born, and he heaved a sad sigh.

All of his friends were very unhappy upon seeing this…

After church, the parents drove to Stu and Didi's home, where Didi was busy changing Tommy's diaper. Drew and Charlotte were discussing plans for the drive to the concert hall.

"So, how do we get there, Char?" asked Drew.

Charlotte replied, "Maybe we could take the route past our old elementary school."

But Stu waved his hands while mouthing the word "No."

"What's that, Stu?" asked Drew.

Stu pointed to Chas, who was just sitting there feeding Chuckie his formula.

Getting the picture, Drew said, "Oh, it's because the elementary school is where we met Melinda!"

"Of course, there are other routes," said Charlotte. "Why not past the hospital? It's where Stu and Didi had our nephew Tommy."

Again, Stu waved his arms and mouthed "No."

"Oh," said Drew. "That was the same hospital where Melinda died."

"Well, what route are we gonna take then?" asked Charlotte.

"I'm sure we'll figure something out," Drew replied…

That night, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, and Chas were on their way to a concert. Stu was driving past the city dump, much to his own chagrin.

"Drew, why did you and Charlotte have to pick this route?" asked Stu.

Drew replied, "Well, um, we didn't want to remind Chas about… you know."

"Guys," said Chas with a smile. "Don't worry. That was a whole month ago! I'm going on with my life. I have an infant son to raise, you know."

Didi said to Stu, "You know, Stu, looking back, I'd say that we should be glad that Howard and Betty opted out of the concert. After all, they get to look after Tommy, Chuckie, and Angelica, as well as their own twins."

"Put a sock on it, Deed," groaned Stu sullenly. He was still miffed that Howard and Betty chose not to come…

In the concert hall, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, and Chas got to listen to all kinds of classical music. It started with a baritone singing Papageno's aria from Mozart's _Magic Flute_:

"_Der Vogelfänger bin ich ja,  
Stets lustig heissa hopsasa!  
Ich Vogelfänger bin bekannt  
bei Alt und Jung im ganzen Land…_"

Chas sighed, "Ah, this reminds me of kindergarten." He turned to Drew and said, "Drew, do you remember when our kindergarten teacher used to play music like this to calm us down?"

"I remember it well, Chas," said Drew.

The next piece was the Spring movement from Vivaldi's _Four Seasons_.

"First grade," said Chas. "The springtime of our youth."

This was followed by a soprano singing "Una voce poco fa" from Rossini's _The Barber of Seville_:

"_Ma se mi toccano dov'è il mio debole  
sarò una vipera e cento trappole  
prima di cedere farò giocar, farò giocar.  
E cento trappole prima di cedere…_"

Chas looked a little uneasy, but still smiled as he said, "Reminds me of when I first met Melinda back in fourth grade."

Followed by the first movement of Beethoven's 5th Symphony.

Chas was visibly sweating as he said to himself, "Sixth grade. The year my childhood ended."

Didi replied, "Most of us lost our childhood in sixth grade."

"But not me," said Stu. "Mine ended when I was in _ninth_ grade. Remember?"

After a few more numbers, a tenor sang an aria from Verdi's _La Traviata_:

"_Un dì, felice, eterea,  
Mi balenaste innante,  
E da quel dì tremante  
Vissi d'ignoto amor.  
Di quell'amor, quell'amor ch'è palpito  
Dell'universo, dell'universo intero,  
Misterioso, misterioso altero,  
Croce, croce e delizia,  
Croce e delizia, delizia al cor…_"

Chas was looking down on his luck when Stu asked, "So, Chas, where have you been down memory lane?"

Chas replied, "Well, besides the grade school years that I mentioned, I've been though junior high, high school, not to mention the time Howard and I were birthday clowns back in college."

"Ah, yeah. The Entry of the Gladiators by Julius Fucik. And now?"

"Now, I'm at the part where I saw Melinda for the first time in ten years."

Chas chuckled a little, until his face fell. Chas still missed Melinda.

After the aria from _La Traviata_, the orchestra began to play a number from Mendelssohn's _Midsummer Night's Dream_: the Wedding March.

It made poor Chas think about his own wedding to Melinda, and he began to weep.

"What's wrong, Charles?" asked Didi as she turned to him.

Chas answered, his voice breaking as he spoke, "Melinda and I finally got married… two years before… she died!"

"Uh-oh," said Drew.

"What's next in the program?" Didi asked Stu.

Stu read the program: "After this is Puccini's Humming Chorus from _Madame Butterfly_ (this'll probably remind him of how Melinda used to lull Chuckie to sleep), followed by Act IV of _La Bohême_ by the same composer."

"Act IV of _La Bohême_?! The ending of that has always made him cry since he was in sixth grade! He told us so!" cried Didi. Then, she scolded, "Nice going, Charlotte!"

Genuinely shocked, Charlotte replied, "Well, how was I supposed to know that this concert was pretty much the soundtrack of Charles Finster's life?!"

Poor Chas was so upset that his friends wanted to leave the concert early. And Stu said, "Don't worry, Chas. We'll take you home, and soon, you can forget all about Melinda."

But his weeping friend replied, "No, no, let's stay."

Stu, Didi, Drew, and Charlotte didn't understand why Chas wanted to stay if he was crying his eyes out during the Wedding March. From then on, Chas would always cry at weddings…

At the end of the last act of _La Bohême_, as the tenor was sobbing over the dead Mimi, everyone was moved to tears, but none more so than Chas. He had always wept over the death of Mimi since he shed his first manly tears back in sixth grade, but now that he had lost his own beloved wife to leukemia, it had become a literal tearjerker for him.

As tears ran down his face, Chas said to Stu, "You know, Stu, the moment I found out about my wife's death… I never cried so hard in all my life."

Stu replied in a broken voice, "You sure haven't, Chas."

And Stu, Didi, Drew, and Charlotte all wept with Chas as they applauded…

As Stu drove the others home, Chas said, "You see, Stu, I don't want to forget Melinda. She was not only my wife, but also my friend. If I don't remember her, my son Chuckie certainly won't. Besides, I like classical music."

The others were amazed.

"I don't get it, Chas," said Drew. "You actually _want_ to think about Melinda?"

"Yes, I do," said Chas.

"But doesn't it make you sad?" asked Didi.

"Yes," sighed Chas, drying his tears. "But in a way, it also makes me happy. I remember Melinda because of all the fun times we used to have from childhood onward. Besides, she was the woman who helped me fulfill my lifelong dream of being a father by bringing Chuckie into this world."

"Wow!" gasped Stu. "We had no idea."

"Now, you do," said Chas. And having shed all the tears he needed to, he smiled, knowing that Melinda was in Heaven, watching over him and Chuckie…

The last scene of all takes place on September 13, 1990, which would have been Melinda's 33rd birthday. Charles Finster, now a widowed father of one, was driving, with Chuckie in his booster seat.

Once he got to Stu and Didi's place, he dropped Chuckie off and said to Stu, "Are you sure you can watch over him?"

Stu replied, "Shucks! Our son Tommy is three months old, and by now, Didi and I have noticed that he and Chuckie are getting along very well."

"Good," said Chas. "Then, I'll be off to work, but not before a quick stop."

And so, Chas got back into his car to drive to his destination…

At the cemetery, Chas had brought along a sack full of gourds, which he placed upon Melinda's grave in honor of her birthday. As he thought about the joyful memories he and his deceased wife had shared together, from their first meeting as young children to their own child Chuckie's first birthday, Chas said with a smile of joy tinged with sadness, "Happy birthday, Melinda. I'll always love you and never forget you."

**The End**


End file.
